Know Thyself

Inspiration Galore (INK Conference)

2010-12-17T22:26:00.002+05:30

Last weekend was one of virtual inspiration. Just a few days before it happened, I found out that TEDIndia was happening again, but it had been restructured to be called the INK conference (in association with TED) that would happen on an annual basis in India (TEDIndia was a one-time thing).

If you don’t know about TED, let me introduce you. It’s a treasure vault of inspiration. TED spreads ideas. It started off as a single conference that has exploded globally to be many conferences. Inspirational folks from all fields are given 6 to 18 minutes to share their work, story and/or idea with the world. While I don’t have a bucket list per say, attending a TED conference is most definitely something I want to do one day.

Anyways, bringing it back to INK. They live streamed one session each day, which was fantastic to watch and thanks to social media like twitter I could get the take-away messages from the other talks that happened over the three days. Some of the best talks are going to be on the TED website, but here are some of the take-aways and stories from the three days (compiled from tweets). You can find more information on the speakers on the INK Conference website.

Side: For Avatar fans, James Cameron is coming out with Avatar that will be going to a new biome – the ocean.

DAY 1:

A great write-up on Day 1 is on the TED Blog here - http://blog.ted.com/2010/12/10/the-ink-conference-day-1/

DAY 2:

Alexander Tsiaris: “When we're born, we're given a pristine cardiovascular system. Then, we screw it up.” He shares stories about wellness to communicate its importance because “Data does not speak to you. Pie Charts never changed anyone's life - story speaks”

Deepti Naval (after visiting and writing about mental institutions): I could never look at life in the same way again. She gave an intense reading of her poetry, capturing the tortured life of a mentally ill woman.

Simon Lewis: “I believe that we can all rise and shine.” (He gave a talk that started with his almost life-ending accident to the importance of consciousness to science and healing). He explains the experimental sensor-based technology that allows him to walk today and raises awareness about head injuries and ways to recover from them.

Sophie Morgan: Her life changed when she ended up in a wheelchair. Changed, but didn't end. She designed The Mannequal to incorporate wheelchairs in shop windows because disabled girls like fashion too.

Deepak Chopra: proposes that consciousness creates reality. Ultimately, there is only one kind of healing -- the holiness that we experience when we return to our ground state.

Nancy Duarte: You have the power to change the world. It only takes a single idea. I'm really passionate about presentations, brilliant ideas can be forgotten just because of how they're presented. (Great talk on how to make effective presentations)

Anand Kumar begins with the story of Santosh Kumar, a rural Indian who did not have access to formal education but studied on his own. Anand accepted Santosh Kumar to his "Super 30" program. Santosh is now a scientist in Belgium.

George Mathew: When people make music together, they have to listen to each other -- that's an important lesson for young people.

When being beaten in a mugging, his metronome fell out of his pocket. They began asking questions -- mugging became a music lesson.

Luis Dias: Our children are talented. All they need is a chance. Let us give it to them.

Tom Wujec: 3 tech trends might change everything: Digitized reality, infinite computing and rapid fabrication. Once the 3D printer can replicate itself we will definitively have the democratization of design. When we're able to build anything, what will we build?

Corey Bridges: I think the most important thing the Internet enables is collaboration

Sunitha Krishnan: Only when the most excluded, rejected, isolated are included will we have a world that will be a better place for all.

Her story post TEDIndia talk - Google grant led to led to construction of a school, youth home, adult home, hospital. Her Sunitha shelter has been attacked multiple times by mobs, her life attacked. Today the challenge is how to build a team of people who will be committed under such conditions?

C Mallesham innovated an automatic loom to revive the dying tradition of Pochampally silk sari weaving (took him 5 years, he was told only educated engineers could design something like this).

Mussaret Zaidi: Hygiene hypothesis: lack of exposure to bacteria at a young age may hinder immune development (proven to be true). Food policy should take into account local conditions, consider human/animal/environmental health

Ugesh Sarcar: His father, also a magician, told him magic is all about psychology

Mark Koska: Contaminations from injections kill twice as many people as malaria worldwide. He invented a 5-cent syringe that breaks if you try to reuse it.

Ashwini Akkunji started out by running after cattle in her village in Karnataka. Ashwini Akkunji was supported by her father in becoming an athlete, but faced many hurdles of health, isolation, community disapproval. She went on to become an Commonwealth champion.

DAY 3

Alexander Tsiaras’ advice for the young (but really all): You are only limited by your imagination. The possibilities are endless.

Raghava KK: We need to pop our bubbles and continue to reinvent ourselves. My learning is all about unlearning. Everything we do is art. The way I live my life is art.

His favorite new art project - an iPad app that lets you play with and personalize his illustrations.

John Henry Harris: Play hard, work better. When we play, we're open to creativity. At Lego, we have co-creation sessions with kids. It's really about what the children can teach us. True beauty often lies with the simplest things.

He gave each participant a bag of lego and asked them to build a duck in 30s. 30s led to many possibilities à simple way to share that creativity is inherent in us.

Sharada Srinivasan: The striving for perfection in dance is the same as the craftsman striving to create their perfect project.

Arvind Gupta: Often one doesn't know what one wants to do. Sometimes, it's good enough to know what one doesn't want to do. Children want to make things, they want to do things. Science must reach the most oppressed, most marginalized children.

Help spread science and toys to all. Arvind wants others to use his design. See all the toys he makes from nothing and get instructions on how you can do the same: http://ow.ly/3nMeP)

Philippe Starck (Very humourous and wearing crazy pants): Everything is organic, even me. When you produce, you have the responsibility to keep your product clean. Anything extra will boomerang and kill you.

Shivam Sai Gupta (India’s youngest animator) – I believe creativity is born from pain and suffering. And, creativity can solve any problem.

Lynda Barry (Hilarious talk) – Starts with how her grandmother is Filipino, which she, unlike Americans, is not crazy. What is an image? It's spontaneous and feels somehow alive. The image world is so much more than art, it's all around you. The thing that scares me about technology is that reduces eye contact between children and parents.

Matt Groening (another hilarious talk): He began with wisdom from the Simpsons and gave insight into what each character was based off of. His dad told him "Matt, you can't draw, so don’t try to make your living as a cartoonist.” Ultimate payback: naming a character (Homer) after him.

Rives did a funny wrap-up of the conference, poking fun at attendees.

KUDOS to the INK team. How can I attend next year ;)

Lighting Lamps - Jyot se Jyot

2010-11-04T20:04:00.001+05:30

As I light oil lamps, one from another, alongside millions around the world, a song and story spring to mind.

Jyot Se Jyot Jalate Chalo
Prem Ki Ganga Bahate Chalo
Raah Mein Aaye Jo Deen Dukhi
Sab Ko Gale Se Lagate Chalo
My own loose translation

As you go along light another's lamp with your own
Let the river of love flow as you go
If you meet anyone with sorrow along your way
Embrace him as you go

-----

I am reminded of a story I read long ago, yet cannot find. Here is it paraphrased (which I know is not as beautiful as the original).

A man made the long journey to the sacred fire. He crossed rivers and went over mountains. With his candle lit, he began the journey home. Along the way, he came across a women with an unlit lamp, who asked him to light her lamp with his own. Not thinking of the pains he took to light his lamp, he put his candle to hers. As he continued, the rains came down, extinguishing his light. But he had shared his light with another. So instead of having to take the long journey to the fire, he made his way back to the woman and lit his lamp from hers.

---

As you light your lamp, embrace the nature of its fire that does not diminish when shared with others.

Jyot se jyot jalate chalo.

Gratitude for Ice Cream and Electricity and everything in between

2010-08-13T00:45:00.002+05:30

Today the topic of our conversation veered from a question about how patriotic Jana Mana is to everyone's favourite - Ice cream. Well, actually the importing of ice from Britain to India. (Did you know that ice was imported? that too over ships that took weeks to reach their destination?) The reason for the import? British officials wanted ice cream.

How was ice cream invented? There are many stories. Wiki would probably give you more insight, but the story that was shared was how after much struggle, someone got the idea to add salt to the ice to enable the creation of ice cream.

It got me thinking. Everything in the world around us, was at some point someone's invention. A random thought or idea that took time and patience to develop. Edison didn't invent the lightbulb in a day. So many people died in the process of creating airplanes. And what about our computers and phones? The things we consume on daily basis where the result of someone's idea, someone's perseverance and dedication (in many cases, that of many people).

As our conversation moved from ice cream to airplanes, I was filled with gratitude for all those that came before us, for giving us the many luxuries and little things that we take for granted, yet have a place in our lives. In that gratitude, I was reminded yet again of how we are connected to not only the world we live in at present, but that which came before us and that which is to come.

Gratefully Overwhelmed

2010-06-14T03:06:00.001+05:30

[Old entry that I never got around to posting]

The last stop on Tabla Ecstasy's North America tour was Toronto. My family and family friends did a fantastic job organizing the show. For most, it was the first time they were going to hear me (or Tabla Ecstasy) perform. Though still an amateur, I had the honour of opening for my gurubhais. But before that, I had to get on stage and introduce my world, beginning with Guruji. As I looked out at the 500+ audience and started speaking, I choked. Normally, I am very comfortable on stage, emceeing is something I've been doing since childhood. This wasn't supposed to be difficult. Without notice, my eyes had filled up with tears and I was at a loss of words. I was overwhelmed with gratitude. Many of the those who sat in front of me had seen me grow up in front of them and today they were all there to show their support for what I was doing and be apart of my world, even if it was only for a few hours. Even as I sit here recounting the moment, I am overcome with emotion, reminded yet again of the countless hidden threads of love that give me strength in my journey. I say it time and time again and even though it doesn't seem sufficient. Thank you.

The whole evening is one that I will never be able to forget. We all felt the outpouring of sincere blessings and good wishes. The energy that was cultivated that night was something beyond words.

My performance that night was not my best, as I had been battling the flu all week, but nonetheless here is a clip.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dRRmEBwg_eQ]

On the Road

2010-04-16T19:09:00.002+05:30

Touring is an experience. It's been great to reconnect with so many friends over the last few weeks. We've really been all over the place, but haven't at the same time in comparison to what it is going to be like next time around (this time its been VA, NC, SC, GA, NY, NJ, PA and CA, while next time its going to be a more comprehensive US tour).

There have been many highs. One of them being the incredible response we are getting show after show. To see the years of practice that the Tabla Ecstasy artists have done being appreciated and to see the impact they are having on their listeners has been wonderful. The number of well-wishers that this group is just growing and growing. One of the responsibilities I have on the road is to get feedback from the audience after the show and many many times I have been so overwhelmed by the true heartfelt wishes and prayers for the success that people are giving for the group. I am reminded time and time again how fortunate I am to be apart of this wonderful family and to have Guruji in my life.

This week is our last week in the US. We have shows in Albany (tonight), Manhattan (April 17th) and Princeton (Sunday). Then we head North to Canada, where I have the privilege of opening for the group during our Toronto show.

Natural Medicines (Homeopathy, Ayurveda, Etc)

2010-04-02T07:25:00.000+05:30

Blessings are important and I have been fortunate to receive a lot of these. “Bless you” was something I heard quite a lot, particularly due to the regularity of my sneezing. It wasn’t just regularity but all the number of times I sneezed in a row. My sister made it a game to see how many times I would sneeze, I believe my record was something around 25 sneezes in a row. If you haven’t guessed it my now, I had health issues growing up. I was the one with the weak immune system. I was allergic to everything on the allergy chart list except for oranges. When I got sick, the cold and fever would go away in a few days, but the heavy nasal congestion would stay for weeks afterwards. I would be carrying around a toilet paper roll and cream for my chapped nose.

Things improved as I got older, California weather definitely helped. India did not. The dust and pollution severely aggravated my allergies and I was continually sick or had nasal congestion. When I started tabla, this was very problematic because I would practice for a few minutes and would have to stop to blow my nose, which disrupted any sort of continuity I would try to build. After recovering from one particularly severe bout of sickness, where I went on antibiotics and the ENT doctor gave me local steroids for my nose, it was time to find a permanent solution. The ENT doctor was of no help when I asked him for a long term preventative solution, offering only reactive solutions like the local steroids after the next infection sets in. There had to be a better solution. So off I went. I ended up going to 3 homeopathy doctors and one ayurvedic doctor. Each doctor was HIGHLY recommended by people who swore by them. The following advice is based on my personal experiences and that of close friends.

Natural medicines boost your body’s long term immunity, when possible avoid allopathic medicines. I grew up on allopathic medication. It was a childhood full of Tylenol, antibiotics, Benadryl and more. One of gurubhais didn’t. He grew up on natural medicines, even if it meant that he was sick for a day or two longer than those who took allopathic medication. (I am speaking in reference to the common cold and flu, not life-threatening or serious diseases). Today, he is one of the healthiest people I know. No allergies and hardle ever gets even a minor cold. Allopathic medicines, especially at a young age, make your body dependent on chemicals to fight off infection instead of allowing your body to develop natural defenses. I can see how it would be more difficult for a mother to see her child suffer for longer as natural treatment may result in a longer recovery, but in the long terms its better for your child.
Even a highly recommended doctor might not be able to solve your problem, but that doesn’t mean they are not good doctors. While most ayurvedic and homeopathy doctors will tell you that they can solve all of your health problems, whether it is poor circulation, allergies or weight loss, they can’t. Even if two doctors practice the same form of medicine (ayurveda, homeopathy, bach flower essences, etc), each doctor has their own method of diagnosis (from the ones I went to, some read your pulse, another used a magnet to read vibrations, another asked A LOT of questions) and treatment. Each usually has certain things that they are very good at treating and other things for which they are not effective. You may have to go to more than one doctor before you find one that works. Going to a recommended doctor is a good place to start, but don’t get discouraged if you don’t see results from them.
So how do you tell if their medicine is working? Simple rule of thumb - If you don’t see a marked improvement (at least 10 –20%) improvement in a week to 10 days, try something different. Natural treatment takes time as they work on the root causes of health problems, not the symptoms, BUT if the doctor has correctly diagnosed and prescribed medicines (the two are different – correct diagnosis doesn’t not necessarily mean their medicine will be effective), you WILL see some improvement within a week. I tried some doctors for over a month or two before getting frustrated with the lack of improvement and trying someone new. When I finally found the right doctor for me, I saw a marked improvement within a few days. This has been the case for others as well. No improvement means the doctor might need to try a different approach. I’ve had to be a little aggressive in pushing to see some results or changing the approach if there is no success, but it saved the weeks or months that could have gone by.
Find a doctor whose treatment works with your lifestyle. Lots of ayurvedic and homeopathy doctors will tell you that you can’t eat this, have to X medicine after X time, etc. If you can make that work for you, great! If you can’t, seek alternatives. One doctor gave me a very large list of things I could not eat over the course of the treatment. Reasonable restrictions are okay, but I knew that I would not be able to follow the degree of restrictions he had given, especially since I didn’t cook my own food. If you are not able to follow through on a treatment and its conditions, it’s better to be honest with the doctor. Decide upon something that is within your reach or you might end up not seeing results and will be unable to pinpoint why it’s not working. I don’t believe a doctor expects 100% adherence to restrictions, but only 50% can be detrimental.
Follow your treatment through. Like I said above, natural treatment take time, but give long-term benefits as they address problems from their root rather than symptoms. It can be easy to “forget” about taking your medicines once you have experienced a 70- 80% improvement. Follow through and erase the problem completely from its root, otherwise it can re-emerge. If you don’t follow treatment through, at least go back for further treatment when you see some of the symptoms (even in a milder form) coming back.

Like I said at the start, I have experienced a huge improvement in health since finding my naturopathy doctor. When I went to her, my allergy index was over 1200 more than 3 times a healthy person’s allergy index. I can’t do much about the allergens – dust, pollution, smoke – but I improved my immunity. Instead of going from being functional to taking antibiotics within 1 day, the symptoms of an infection develop gradually over a period of 10 days. At the onset of symptoms, I can take booster medicines to fight off an infection and have successfully avoided antibiotics for over a year. Also seemingly unrelated problems have disappeared without direct treatment as they were all effects of the root cause.

So if you like me, had come to live with your allergies or other health conditions because there just didn’t seem to be a solution. There is hope. Give natural treatment a shot, there really isn’t much to lose.

PS. Anyone who have an allergy problem and is going to spend any time in Ahmedabad, email me and I’ll give you the info on my doctor who has successfully treated my allergies and those of many friends.

On the Road

2010-04-01T07:11:00.003+05:30

The first week of the Tabla Ecstasy US tour is now over and what a week its been. The guys (Tabla Ecstasy) have played 5 shows in 6 days and we've traveled from Jersey down to Georgia. Each show has been a different audience, but the response has been the same - immense appreciation. Its great to be on tour with this group and be able to hear them night after night and share that experience with so many people.

One of my personal highlights of this week has been watching as the members re-connect with family and friends here in the US (many of them are meeting after years). It's heartwarming to watch the interactions and see the smiles grow wider and wider after each meeting.

Now its time for my homecoming =). We head out to California tomorrow where I get to meet two of my closest friends after many years.

Here are some snaps from the programs so far:

Sahil is all smiles.

Tabla Ecstasy in Macon

Loren in his hometown of Charlottesville.

In the US

2010-03-15T08:48:00.002+05:30

That's right. I'm back. Well not permanently. Tabla Ecstasy is touring the US, Canada and Dubai over the next 7 weeks and I go along with them as their groupie, MC and miscellaneous person. We have shows from New York down to Georgia and in SoCal. Below are our public program dates. If you're in the area, it'd be great to see you and come see what I'm apart of and will be doing sometime in the future =) More shows are being added.

More info on each show is on our website - www.rrmproductions.com or facebook

March 25 - Charlottesville, VA
March 27 - Charlotte, NC
March 28 - Macon, GA
April 2 - Ojai, CA
April 3 or 4 - Norco, CA
April 5 - April 19 based in New Jersey
April 10 - show in New Jersey
April 16 - Albany, NY
April 17 - NYC
April 24 - Toronto
April 28 - May 1 in Dubai

I AM CANADIAN

2010-03-05T09:38:00.001+05:30

Note: I am bursting with happiness with the Olympics, how they went and being Canadian right now, so hence this really random post.

When this ad came out in 2000, it rallied the whole country. The ad talked about what we aren't, but really talked about what we are. It spurned countless versions, parodies and copycats. Everyone knew the words. It made Canadian swell with pride. While Canadian don't wear patriotism on their sleeve as much as their neighbours down south, there are a lot of things we stand for and are proud.

As a Canadian, it was a common occurrence to hear "You're just a little America." Its typical Canadian response to point out how we are different (and better). At the Olympics this year, I think the world understood what Canadians are about.

Over the last two weeks, even though I couldn't attend, I could feel the Canadian love and pride. There is something about the Olympics. For the last two Olympics, even though I can't see streaming live videos, I follow them through various news channel. Initially, there were the reports that this could be the worst Olympics ever with its long list of mishaps and obstacles. But Canada emerged from the underestimation to show it spirit. As the Vancouver Olympics unfolded, my Canadian spirit began to bubble over. Not because we set a record for gold medal count in Winter Olympics or won the hockey gold, but because of stories of Canadian hospitality, courage in the face of adversity and spirit and drive of the athletes.

The Vancouver Games are being considered by many as the best Winter Games from a spectator perspective. The hockey arena was packed with cheering fans for games between teams that were in no contention for medals. But it wasn't just hockey, there was immense public support for all events. Everyone from the media to people who attended are talking about how friendly and welcoming Canadians are. Its great to see that so many people go to experience the warmth that I have known for my whole life. I think it was summarized best at the closing ceremonies by the IOC president that he had "never seen a city embrace the Games in this way." I wouldn't say city, but country.

The spirit of Terry Fox was very much alive in the Olympics. Stories like that of Georgian team competing after such a loss, Rochette skating flawlessly in the wake of the her mother's death and the lesser known story of Majdic winning a medal with broken ribs and punctured lung demonstrate so many positive qualities that humans embody.

I love reading stories of different Olympians. Its inspirational to see people so focused and committed to excellence.

There are many against the Olympics, especially when you consider the amount of money and energy that goes into them. But there are also priceless moments of hope, inspiration, triumph that emerge from them. I don't know of many ways that you can get an entire nation together, coast to coast and around the world, in a swarm of red and white, aside from sports.

There is just something about the Olympics and it was made all the more special this time around because of the all-embracing atmosphere that was created.

Going to the Olympics in on my list, but I think its going to be hard to find one that would've been as awesome as Vancouver 2010.

Pillars of Support in A Person's Pursuit for Excellence

2010-02-28T18:29:00.000+05:30

When we cheer on our Olympian, beam with pride as they add a medal to our country's medal count, I wonder how many people truly comprehend the sweat, tears, hardwork and sheer dedication that it has taken for that athlete to get there. When we watch Cirque de Soleil, listen to the New York Philharmonic Orchestra or watch Sachin score a double century in one inning, how many people are really aware of what it took for each artist to get to that level.

We applaud greatness, celebrate another achievement, are entertained by another accomplishment, but how often do we become apart of the support system to create another legend?

Last year, when Inspire had come to Rhythm Riders, I was asked what an individual can do to support the future of Indian classical music. My answer was broader than the question - support someone who wants to achieve depth in the field. The field doesn't need to be Indian classical music. It could be sports, it could traditional arts, it could be any non-conventional field. I particularly say non-conventional, though it can be any field, because that is where it can be often more difficult to find support, especially if you are not apart of a community where that field is the norm (ie. someone coming from a family of wrestlers wanting to be a musician).

There are two parts of the journey to realizing your dreams. The first is having the courage to step towards to (and usually simultaneously rejecting the status quo on what you should do), the second is to stay on the path in the face of adversity (which includes lack of support and acceptance from society).

Taking the road that diverges societal expectations is a longer path. It takes vision, a firm belief and a lot of hard work to walk on. Many Olympians or artists many come from families with a background in their field, but for those, I have no doubt that the path must have been harder. I know I'll never forget those months that passed before my loved ones really began to full-heartedly support me. With their limited understanding of what I was doing and wanted to do, their concern and doubts were justified, but that did not make it easy for me, knowing that I was causing them pain. Today, I can walk more confidently on my path, knowing that I have so much love and support and it makes a huge difference.

Next time you see or experience excellence, take a moment to appreciate what the person has done to achieve those heights and more importantly, reach out and support someone you know in their own pursuit of excellence. It can mean the world to them.

Control

2010-01-23T14:36:00.002+05:30

Control. It is a the essential to success it seems. In any field or path, control is needed to achieve great heights. Discipline in one's actions, control over one's body and mind.

Our monkey mind jumps from here and there, the struggle is to bring it in our control, not be controlled by it. In dance, a good dancer distinguishes herself from the mediocre by having control over her body. Each movement, each limb follows her command. In tabla, I have the cursed blessing of speed. It doesn't take long for me to play something fast, but to play with precision requires control and even that speed should be of my doing not its own (think of the fast skater in Mighty Ducks). Its common to hear in the beginner class, "My finger (or arm) does that on its own," to which the response is always, "It's it your finger, control it."

One big struggle is for that control. The mind and body to work on your command.
Our mind revolts. Of course it does, it wants no master. Providing excuses and excuses, reasons for our defeat. But to gain that control means to first understand the monkeyiness of the body and mind. To recognize, its innate desire to move according to its own will not yours. With focus and determination, constant perseverance, its about making it your own, for one moment, then two, then three and five.

With that control, comes freedom. To execute one's vision and creativity to the fullest. The ability to move and play as one desires. Coupled with understanding, creativity finds its outlet, unhindered and expansive.

Glimpse into Tabla Class

2010-01-21T17:12:00.001+05:30

Many have wondered what tabla "class" is like for me and how Guruji teachs. Well, here is a little video that gives you a glimpse into a teaching session. I'm lucky because I get to sit in on these sessions a lot and as you'll see they are a lot of fun to be apart. Guruji is teaching some gurubhais different compositions from two gharanas that he has been formally trained in, namely Ajrada and Delhi. For those new to tabla, you'll hear the language of tabla (the fact that each stroke has its own name, along with its grammar, etc).

Aal Izz Well

2010-01-14T01:11:00.001+05:30

I saw 3 Idiots last week, basically after the entire town had already seen it. I was further motivated to write a post I’ve been thinking of writing for a long time that touches upon stuff in 3 Idiots. I generally don’t write about movies or books, but came to feel that the movie deserves a post of its own and the other post I’ll get around to.

After a serious drought of commercially successful Bollywood movies, 2009 really ended with a bang with Paa and 3 Idiots. All around whether it be in class or via facebook friends from around the world, everyone was talking about 3 Idiots. Even though, I don’t watch many Indians movies, even fewer in theatres (though movie watching and eating out are the top two recreational activities in Ahmedabad), I was determined to see this one in a theatre.

First I must acknowledge the awesome theatre. I saw it in the club class of Wide Angle, where they have fully reclining leather chairs. Very comfortable and if its a boring movie, you could easily sleep.

BUT 3 Idiots is not a movie to sleep through. Some said it was another Lago Raho Munnabhai, but I beg to differ. Yes it has its comedy, but not to the extent of Lago Raho. The second half of 3 Idiots actually has much less comedy than the first half and tear-jerking scenes (yes I am one of those people that cries in movies…)

I love the “message” of the movie. I am really glad to see a mainstream movie really talking about following one’s passion and not doing getavruti (acting like a donkey – aka doing whatever the mass does). I sincerely hope that Indian parents especially take this message to heart and are more open to allowing their children to do what they want, not what the parents think they should do. The film of course hit home with me as I’ve had to personally face the music about doing something very different, but that and more in another post.

Aamir Khan really has done it again. His films offer great variety and he is really doing a great job in creating entertaining and educational movies. Commercial Bollywood films can be a phenomenal outreach medium as they reach thousands around the world and he is using it as a social education tool.

Besides the film itself, you have to also give him kudos for the very unique marketing techniques used to promote the film. But the butt chairs in theatres, morning shows with free breakfast, “Where is Aamir Khan” game across India – he put fun into film promotion. The 3 Idiots quiz (CIT) on the Idiots Academy website reminded me of Brain Teasers I used to do as a kid. Want to see if you think outside the box? take the quiz =)

If you haven’t seen it, go see it.

If you need a push to go follow your dreams, go see it.

If you need help convincing your parents to support you as you follow your dreams, go see it with them.

Weeklong Indian Music Workshop in India!

2010-01-11T14:03:00.001+05:30

Its a common thing to hear that people are interested in Indian music, want to understand it a but better, but don’t have the time to dedicate themselves to a full study of it. Here’s a great program for those interested in learning about Indian music. If you are already practice Indian music, its a way to deepen your understanding, learn from Guruji (Pandit Divyang Vakil), work with the world fusion group Taan and Rushi and jam with musicians from around the world for a week!

—————————–

Intrigued by Indian Music?

Want to learn how use Indian rhythm and melodies?

Explore the vast world of Indian music in India

Rhythm Riders invites you to

1 Week Indian Music Workshop in India

Aug 1 – 9, 2010 in Mount Abu, Rajasthan

*Experience India through its music amidst nature

*Explore Indian music, from its classical and folk to its contemporary forms

*Nightly jam sessions and concerts

*Learn to adapt Indian Music to your own music and instrument

*Special workshops on Indian percussion

*Special lectures with Tabla Guru Pandit Divyang Vakil

Final Concert Performance with World Fusion Group Taan

Open to musicians from around the world

instrumentalists and vocalists of all music genres welcome

Fees cover teaching, accomodations, local transportation, food and events.

**Airfare not included**

Contact Rhythm Riders at manager@rrmproductions.com
or call (201) 467 4431

For information on Rhythm Riders, visit www.rrmproductions.com

Moving

2009-12-11T18:00:00.001+05:30

For a while now, I've been pondering moving my blog from blogspot to wordpress and I've finally gotten around to doing it. The new blog is still in the works, but its where I'll now be posting.

You can now find me at rhythmicthoughts.wordpress.com. Hope to see you there

Fruit and Coconut Quick Bread

2009-11-26T09:15:00.003+05:30

Randomly, I'll decide to bake. I started baking because of the lack of good cookies and cakes in Ahmedabad (I would go to Subway to satisfy my cookie desire...). I don't get time to bake regularly, but when inspiration strikes, I have the basic ingredients around to try stuff out. Music and food really go hand in hand. Majority of great ustads were also incredible cooks. For me, its more about the baking than the cooking.

Anyways, I found a recipe for pomegranate quick bread, didn't have all the ingredients, so I made some substitutions and came out with this - pineapple, apple, pomegranate coconut quick bread (aka fruit and coconut quickbread). It turned out great. A bit on the dense and moist side, but still delicious. I got to use my loaf pan for the first time =) The best part, it's def much healthy than the majority of the stuff I bake.

Ingredients:

2 cups sifted wheat flour
2 tsp baking powder
1/2 cup packed brown sugar
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp vanilla extract
1/2 cup pineapple juice
1/2 cup shredded sweetened coconut
1/2 pomegranate arils
1/2 of cup unsweetened applesauce (I used freshly blended apples) + olive oil (I filled 3/4 of the 1/2 cup with applesauce then the rest with olive oil and ended up adding a little bit more applesauce and oil while mixing)

So the applesauce/oil portions are not exact. When mixing I thought there was not enough liquid, so added a bit more. When replacing oil with applesauce, you should keep some oil, which is what I was trying to do. Applesauce makes baked goods as does wheat flour (compared to all purpose), which would explain my denser quick bread. Also I think I might have added a bit too much applesauce/oil as my bread is a bit on the too moist side.

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 180*C. Grease loaf pan - I sprayed mine using my new PAM baking spray.

2. Combine all ingredients in large mixing bowl; blend well.

3. Pour batter into loaf pan.

4. Bake for 45 minutes until top is firm and an inserted toothpick comes out clean. I baked mine for 53 min.

5. Allow loaf to cool before serving.

Great as a snack or for breakfast!

Power of Education - Three Cups of Tea

2009-11-15T12:50:00.005+05:30

International trips are a chance to read. What better way to pass layover time between flights.

Like I said in a previous post, education has been a recurring theme. After the incident with my cousins, I read Three Cups of Tea.

Very often we look for bandage solutions, not going to the root of a problem. This book beautifully speaks of how peace cannot be achieved through coercion and arms, but requires a long-term effort that is based on non-violence and co-operation. How? Through education. It is well-established that madrassas promoting extremist Islamic ideas are the breeding grounds for future Taliban fighters. For every one that is killed, two more appear in his place.

I initially tried to write my own "review" or take on the book, but words came out all jumbled together. I think the comments of Ahmed Rashid, the author of Taliban: Militant Islam and Oil in Central Asia and Descent Into Chaos succinctly summarize. If you're looking for a book to read, consider this one.

"Three Cups of Tea is beautifully written. It is also a critically important book at this time in history. The governments of Pakistan and Afghanistan are both failing their students on a massive scale. The work Mortenson is doing, providing the poorest students with a balanced education, is making them much more difficult for the extremist madrassas to recruit."

To add to his comments; sitting in the West, we can easily speak of removing terrorism, but Greg through his schools in actually doing that. In way that is sustainable in the long-term and heals old wounds and misconceptions.

This book perfectly highlights the power of education. It has the power of create a terrorist or a peace-maker.

The Commercialization of Indian Classical Music

2009-11-14T18:46:00.001+05:30

When the Muslim dynasties came to India, the cultural fabric of the country dramatically changed. Food, clothing, architecture were all influenced and of course, music as well. Many beautiful forms of classical music emerged from the confluence of Hindu and Muslim cultures, including the khayal style of singing (prior to this dhrupad was the mainstay of vocal music) and the introduction of tabla.

Alongside these changes, came the commercialization of music. Until that point, classical music was found only in the temples. Music and dance were for the Divine. To hear it, the king went to the temple, the musicians did not come to the court. It is under Muslim rule, that music made its way into the courts, both Hindu and Muslim courts, and the objectives of the musician began to shift.

Classical music has always been described as a yoga or path to the Divine. Through rigourous and tirelessly worship of sound, a musician purified their notes and their souls, seeking to please and ultimately merge with God. In the temples, the human audience was not of importance - they sat behind the musicians; it was for God that the musician played. The power and depth of these artists, the energy they emitted has become that of legend. Their music was their devotion.

When the musician shifted his stage to the court, the King became the focus. If a particularly type of harkat or musical pattern invoked appreciation (which was often in the form of a gold coin), then more were added to the next performance. The King was to be pleased for he was the lifeline for the artist. The goal became materialistic and coinciding with this change, the power of the music diminished.

A story of Akbar and Tansen explains the phenomenon quite aptly.

Tansen was a legendary singer and the court musician of King Akbar. His prowess is still spoken of today and his influence and contribution to Indian classical music far-reaching.

Once the king said to Tansen, "I believe you are the greatest singer in the world."

"No, my king, you are are mistaken. My music is nothing compared to that of my Guru Swami Haridas."

"I wish to hear him sing, call him to my court."

"I am afraid that is not possible. He does not travel outside of his place. If you wish to hear him, you shall have to travel with me on a long journey into the forest and that too, in the guise of a commoner."

It was an unusual condition, but Akbar was adamant to hear the person who Tansen claimed to be better than him.

The king ordered for a disguises and the two set off. They travelled far into the forest, ultimately coming near remote hut along a river.

"We shall wait here," Tansen said, asking the king to rest after the long journey.

Soon they hear the most divine notes from the direction of the hut and the king was lost in a state of ecstasy. Slowly he made his way towards the source and found himself in front of saintly man dressed in a simple dhoti outside the hut.

As the last notes faded and silence descended upon them, the potency of the music remained with Akbar.

The singer opened his eyes and greeted the visitors. "Welcome, O King of India. Your wish has been fulfilled." Swami Haridas recognized the king, despite his peasantry clothing.

The king began to offer much wealth and land to him as recognition for his art, but Swami Haridas would have nothing of it.

Taking leave of his guru, Tansen and Akbar made their way back to the city.

"You sing magnificently, but there really is no comparison to that of your Guru," Akbar pointed out.

"That is no surprise as there is one major difference between us. I sing for you, my guru sings for God. "

Beauty and Need of non-English Languages

2009-11-07T00:41:00.008+05:30

There was an article a few weeks back in the Times of India on foreigners taking intensive Gujarati language classes in order to be able to read Gandhi for themselves and better understand his philosophy. This came as no surprise.

As a Hindi, Gujarati and English speaker and a student of French and Spanish, I have gotten a chance to explore language. I recall cringing at the English subtitles during songs in Hindi movies as they destroyed the beauty and nuances of the original words. Compared to these other languages, English just does not have the depth, an observation that many multi-lingual friends agree with.

Learning philosophy from Guruji, I am often confronted with this topic. While Guruji is fluent in English, his native tongue is Gujarati (along with Hindi and Urdu). To make it easier for me, he often teaches in English. Being taught in English basically means that Guruji does a mental translation from Gujarati to English before speaking. Many times, as the topics and ideas are complex, I ask Guruji to speak in Gujarati as he can explain the subject with greater ease. When he does this, I am mentally translating the Gujarati into English before comprehending. My first language was Gujarati and to this day, I still speak in Gujarati with my parents, but my vocabulary has been limited to common Gujarati, not inclusive of many philosophical words. With my philosophy classes, my vocabulary has grown, but without a doubt, my learning, particularly in the initial period, was slowed by language.

There was an article on BBC a while back on native vs non-native English speakers. It spoke of how native English speakers could not easily understand the English of non-native English speakers, while non-native speakers easily understood the English of non-native speakers, regardless of their nationality or native language. The way native English speakers understand the English is very difficult from non-native speakers and I see this divide very clearly in India and during my philosophy classes.

Guruji is not a native English speaker. In fact, he never formally learnt English. In every day situations, English communication is never problematic. However, there are times during philosophy lectures when I have to ask him to repeat a sentence, as I get thrown off by the grammar or the use of a particular word. The mental process to understand the meaning of the sentence is brought to a small stop because of something that a non-native speaker would probably not even notice.

Just a few days ago, he was speaking to me about the basis of yoga. The topic made its way to the difference between science and spirituality. The difference can be understood through correct understanding of the words vishmay and akarshan. In a Gujarati-English dictionary they are given similar meanings - wonder or surprise. However, the words have very connotations. One has a spiritual dimension, one a physical. English, as far as I know, does not have two separate word that have the same surface meaning, but different nuances - driving home the idea yet again that the English language is limited, particularly in its spiritual/ metaphysical vocabulary.

Even ghazals and poetry in Indic language cannot be justly translated into English. Nor can they be readily understood by a non-native speaker without study. When you think of how the world is rapidly losing its languages and immigrant children around the world, particularly in English speaking countries, are failing to learn their native tongues, there is an important question to be raised about how much of the world's cultural heritage we are losing.

I have been blessed in this aspect. I was raised in a home where Gujarati was and still is spoken today; I was taught Gujarati by my grandmother and continued to study it and earn academic credit for it through high school and have the opportunity to visit and live in Gujarat where I can practice my Gujarati to this day. I still remember the praise my siblings and I would garner after trips to India on the quality of our Gujarati.

But this is still not enough. My reading skills are on par with a small child and my spelling errors know no bounds. I know that at some point in my journey to learn and explore philosophy, particularly Indian philosophy, I too will need to go the way of the foreigners learning Indic languages. If I want to be able to make my own interpretations and develop my own understanding without an intermediary, who to some degree always inserts their own bias or understanding, I will have to vigorously learn the language. Until then, there shall be some handicap, which I continue to try to overcome by expanding my vocabulary and fluency.

Importance of Education - Story 1

2009-11-03T13:41:00.005+05:30

A re-occurring theme as of late has been the power of knowledge and the importance of education as a mechanism for change.

One of the most imprinting experiences I had in Canada this past trip came rather unexpectedly. Every time I come to Toronto, which is quite infrequent, my little cousins (now 7 -12), repeatedly request my parents to have me stay at their home, making their case well before my arrival. My schedule and their school schedule generally clash dramatically meaning that during the previous two trips, I only spent about an hour or two with them. This time, I had window of free time, which I decided to spend with them.

As I went to pick them up, I recalled a previous trip, where they had shown me their mini-fridge full of junk food. I remembered the horror I felt in learning of their excessive sugar consumption and decided to inquire more about their eating habits this time and talk to them about healthy eating.

When I arrived at their door to pick them up, I waited as the eldest handed my uncle a diagram depicting the order in which the layers of lasagna were to be placed so that we would have a correctly assembled meal for dinner. After everyone was seat-belted in the car, I asked them about what they ate. Knowing them to be picky eaters, I was super surprised at what I heard.

The three of them proceeded in turn to tell me about their fruit and vegetable rich diet and their lack of chocolate consumption over the last two years.

"Did you see our fruit bowl?", the youngest asks.

"Right now we have clementines, apples and bananas. Every day we have at least 2 fruits for dessert and another fruit for a snack," the middle one explains.

"Okay, so you eat healthy food for lunch and dinner, what about breakfast?"

"Well, we both eat Cherrios, but HE doesn't like them. He eats Fruit Loops and Lucky Charms," says the eldest matter-of-factly, referring to the middle brother.

"Fruit Loops! and Lucky Charms?!" I exclaim.

"We tell him they aren't good for him, but he doesn't listen. Actually in school, they asked us to bring in our cereal and we tested them for sugar levels and nutrients and those cereals were the worst," the youngest adds in.

That's when I realized where this all was coming from. Through school and the child care programs, my cousins were learning about healthy eating. When they were in daycare, I remember the meal plans they were sent home, but that is a standard practice. In the US in particular (I personally don't feel its as bad in Canada), general obesity and child obesity rates have been on the climb. One reason cited is the increased child consumption of junk food and processed food. I was encouraged to hear that the school system was fighting back by teaching kids about healthy eating. They not only taught children, but brought the discussion home to the parents during parent-teacher meetings and letters. I was getting a chance to see the results in person.

I joined the girls in explaining to my cousin why he shouldn't eat Fruit Loops and Lucky Charms. We got him to promise that he would stop eating them and all three decided to tell their dad about buying better alternatives instead (as they don't go cereal shopping with him).

As you can imagine, I had a huge smile on my face throughout that conversation with my cousins. But the best part was yet to come. For dinner, we had lasagna full of mixed vegetables including peas and carrots. Again, the topic of fruits and vegetables came up.

"You better finish all those vegetables, don't just eat the cheese," I told them.

"Give her more peas," the brother says pointing to the youngest, who happens to wear glasses. "They're good for her eyes."

Her reply was icing on the cake.

"You're wrong. Beta carotene is good for your eyes and carrots have them, not peas. And anyways, I took extra vegetables"

Rhythm Riders - world of tabla, indian music and dance

2009-10-23T19:00:00.000+05:30

As Rhythm Riders continues to grow, there have been lots of changes happening, including a makeover of our electronic presence. We've launched our newly-designed website. Please check it out at www.rrmproductions.com. It'll give you more information about the wonderful people I work with and the amazing environment of music that I am blessed to be apart of.

Tabla Ecstasy and Jindidi chale Canada

2009-10-21T19:33:00.005+05:30

In October, I returned back to Canada to welcome the Rhythm Riders family to my birthplace. The leaves had started to change colours in preparation for their arrival, ready to display the beauty of autumn and the wind had picked up to give them a cold Canadian welcome I suppose.

It was a busy, super successful and fun-filled trip. I got to show everyone the place I called home for so many years. Most members of Tabla Ecstasy were in Toronto for the first time. In the months before the trip, I, along with those who had been to Toronto, had been preparing a list of things that we had to do. We crammed in as much as possible in the limited time between rehearsals and shows. The reactions were exactly as anticipated. It was a joy to share so much in those few days. Watching them take everything in made me appreciate the common sights and sounds I often take for granted.

On the music side, the trip was a HUGE success. All the audiences were left spellbound and appreciated the artists with standing ovations. We had a great mix in the audiences we performed for - from true listeners of Indian classical music/dance to completely untrained ears, who had come to show out of intrigue - and the response was overwhelming. New connections were forged and the concert organizers all offered their support for future tours. On the personal front, people from my community got an even better idea of what I am aiming for as they heard Tabla Ecstasy and began to understand the level of tabla playing that I am striving for in order to turn professional (and of course through Guruji they see what is possible even beyond that). Jindidi impressed as always with her wonderful Kathak performances.

The tour had been planned for months, but it went by in a flash. There were many lessons, great fun, tons of memories and of course, lots of pictures. I got a new DSLR right before the tour and managed to get some great shots of the concerts. The tour would not have been possible without the support of a lot of people and I especially have to give a huge thank you to my family and family friends for going out of their way to make this trip special for everyone. When seeing everyone in action, particularly my parents, I am reminded time and time again that my own drive to help others was instilled in me through their example.

Colours of Light

2009-10-18T20:10:00.002+05:30

As I prepare to make a rangoli outside my apartment to welcome in the New Year tomorrow, I remember a Diwali from three years ago that I will never forget.

Happy Diwali and Saal Mubarakh!

~~~~~~~~~~

It was Diwali. During the five days, women draw beautiful images outside their homes with coloured sand, rice and grains (called rangolis) to decorate their homes and welcome the new year and visitors.

Over the few months that I had spent volunteering, I continually was awed from the wonderful rangolis that a colleague of mine created for various occasions. His work always brighten the space they are in and the people that see them. Inspired by their beauty, I decided try my hand at rangolis. These beautiful works of art would be a wonderful way to express my gratitude to the many people who have showered me with their love and affection. As is the experience of many NRI volunteers in India, I felt humbled and immensely indebted to the many caring souls that went out of their way to make me feel at home in Ahmedabad, a place miles away from my birthplace in North America.

Arming myself with bags of coloured sand, I first practiced outside the volunteer home where I was staying. After a few tries, I felt confident in my work. As I made my way from home to home, I could not contain my cheer. As I spread the sand, I silently gave my thanks to each individual and prayed that the new year brought new hope and prosperity to each. At every home, the children would crowd around welcoming me with their smiles and watching intently as each rangoli unfolded. Each then added their own touch to the final piece and we created a colourful display full of love and good wishes.

Such a simple thing brought so much joy to all. The small grains of sand became colours of light and were the perfect way to celebrate Diwali and welcome the new year.

Power of One

2009-09-11T10:27:00.002+05:30

In a previous post, I wrote about one of the two steps needed to preserve Indian classical music, which was to cultivate an audience. I wanted to share an experience or realization I had last year that reminded me again that one person does have the power to change things.

In Oct 2008, I returned to Canada for the first time in over 2 years.

A lot had changed in those two years. When I had left, I had left with the intention to return in a year or two to start a master/phD program in Environmental Engineering. Alas, life had taken me through twists and turns and I was returning with a new goal in mind, something I could have never fathomed - to become a professional classical tabla player.

Over the previous year, family and friends had gotten pieces of information with regards to my career change and it didn't make a lot of sense to many. The reality was that I come from a community that does not have a large majority of Indian classical music listeners. While cliched, it was true, generally Gujaratis are more enthusiastic about folk music than classical music. In fact, a lot of people in our family friend circle did not even know who Zakir Hussain was, who is considered to be one of the most well-known Indian classical musicians and tabla players of our time. In this scenario, it was understandably difficult to find many who understood what I was doing or why I was doing. But, I must also include here that even though they didn't understand, they were be as supportive as possible.

The trip to Canada was important in many ways. It was a chance to explain firsthand what I was doing and why I was doing it.

A few months before I came to Toronto, I had performed my first solo, after 9 months of training, at Rhythm Riders' annual Guru Purnima function. Of course, I have lots of work to do, but it was nonetheless an important milestone for me. Soon after the performance, my tabla solo video was posted to Youtube as most of the people who wanted to see it were not in Ahmedabad for the performance. The outpouring of support and encouragement was incredible and hugely motivating, but it was only one step.

By the time I came to Canada, most had seen the video or heard of it. For many, watching my solo was the first time they had listened to a classical tabla performance. People were really impressed and asking about when if I would be performing concerts in Toronto during the trip. While the enthusiasm was incredible, it was midguided in the sense many understood what was very much an amateur performance to be one that could be quickly developed into one that could be put on a professional stage.

As I would explain how I had many years to go, I began to realize the wonderful opportunity I had in front of me. The reality was that many who watched my solo, watched it not because it was a tabla performance and they were interested in tabla, but they watched it because of me. They wanted to see what I was doing and were being supportive of my endeavours. Now I have the opportunity to open up the world of Indian classical music or atleast tabla playing to them.

I don't expect that everyone is going to turn into an Indian classical music lover, but I do know that many will grow in their understanding of the music. As they follow my progress, as they watch me grow from solo to solo, they too will begin to discern on some level the differences between amateur and immediate, advanced and professional. Through my personal journey, I have the chance to change the world around me in some small way.

The epitaph on an Anglican bishop's tombstone is very appropriate here:

When I was child, there was no limitation in my mind. I dreamt to change the world.

The more I grew up and tried to wise, I realized impossible to change it. And I decided to reduce my dream even a little and change my own country only but It was still impossible.

When I would an old man, in the last effort , I tried to change my own family. They were close to me. Unfortunately They ignored me.

And when I was dying, I realized (maybe for the first time) if I changed my self long time ago, I influenced my family by my examples and they’re supporting me, maybe could make my country be a better future and who knows, I could change the world.

My Tabla Solo Performance at Guru Purnima

2009-08-29T11:24:00.002+05:30

Thank you thank you thank you for all the support, love and encouragement. Here is installment number 2 of my tabla journey (this is a year after my first solo). I played a pure Delhi Gharana solo.

Astrological Charts (Kundali) - Meaningless or to be Heeded?

2009-08-26T21:59:00.000+05:30

A friend and I were recently talking about marriage and philosophy, etc and of course the inevitable question came up. Its a question I've been asked a lot. It makes its way into conversations about dating, marriage, arranged marriage, etc. Do I believe in matching kundalis (vedic birth charts)?

For many years, my answer was along the lines of Yes, I'll consider the matching because I've seen too many relationships between people with mismatched kundalis fail. I didn't really have a great reason why to believe or not to believe and since I had seen the power of spiritual practices firsthand in my life, I chose to give consideration to kundali matching.

Now I have more concrete reasons to consider matching vedic birth charts. Many might not be aware, but my Guru (Pandit Divyang Vakil) is not only a maestro of tabla and a brilliant tabla teacher, but also a spiritual healer and guru. His vast expertise is a treasure chest for me and my questions.

Guruji uses many different tools in his spiritual healing including vedic astrology, face reading, palm reading, vastu, tantra, numerology, occult powers, etc. He has stacks of vedic birth charts of his students that he uses, so who better to ask about vedic astrology.

Here is my understanding in a nutshell.

Ancient Indian civilization has given us a plethora of tools to provide guidance and help us make informed decisions. Everything is connected to each other (think butterfly effect) in some form or another, but the vast intricacies can be too much for us to comprehend. Each methodolgy serves as a guide. Sadly today, like with many traditional arts, there are many with minimal or no knowledge masquerading as experts who have at some point tarnished the image of effeciency of these methods.

Kundalis are a highly specific science, a person's kundali is very particular to the person. It is based on the birth time, birth place and name of the person. Small inaccuracies in birth time (on the order or 1o minutes) can change a kundali. (The debate over what time is needed - ie when the head appears or whole body is out is another topic).

A person's kundali tells you about the influence of planterary movement on a person's life. It gives various details about a person, including details about their personality, high and low points in their life, etc. The kundali itself is very scientific (and computer generated nowadays) and is incomprehendible to the common man as its speaks of planets, their locations and more. So results that you get from getting a kundali made are highly depended upon the interpretation of the chart. This is where the master is set apart from the amateur.

A common use of kundalis is to see good and bad periods in a person's life. I'm sure that there are times that you have felt that nothing is going right, no matter how hard you try. It is likely that your kundali would reveal that you were passing through a negative period (and there are different types), in which it would be difficult to see the fruits of one's actions.

By knowing these kinds of details, a person can make more informed decisions. For example, if the above period was occurring in one's life, it does not make sense to start a new venture at that point. It would be better to wait the few weeks or months for period to change.

Generally, when two people's kundalis are matched, they are paired together for over 30 different criteria. Each criteria gives a positive or negative result. A range of positive results is considered a good match. A perfect score is not a good match.

As a kundali also can provide an overview of the graph of a person's life, one can also examine how much trials/tribulations a potential spouse will face.

Like I said before, a kundali is only a GUIDE or indicator, not the final word, which is what many interpret it to be. The accuracy of a kundali is very much dependent upon the details used to make it, its maker and interpreter.

In general, after living in India, my respect for traditional arts (and sadness at its erosion and impending loss) has grown. Vedic astrology is one of the many that can be put in this list. It most definitely has its value and I don't think it can be passed off as a meaningless belief. It is a tool that has been created by extremely intelligent people to help man make better decisions. It should not be followed blindly, but without a doubt has value.

Would I consider matching janmakshars before marriage? Without a doubt, yes.

Would I heed the advice from the matching? That shall be a matter of circumstance.

Intuition/ Creativity

2009-08-23T00:16:00.002+05:30

Yesterday Guruji was teaching us about what intuition is or the source of creativity and a wonderful line from his lecture has stuck with me.

The cosmic energy whispers to you in the silence between two thoughts.

Preserving Indian Classical Music Part 1: Creating an Audience

2009-08-19T00:43:00.000+05:30

One concern that I have seen come up regularly is the about the future of Indian classical music. As maestros pass on, there is a growing lack of artists who can be compared to their Ustads. I won't tackle the question of why Indian classical music is dying, but rather will look at what can be done to ensure that it is preserved. The answer I believe is two-pronged. Musicians have to be cultivated and just as important, audience have to be cultivated. For the music to continue, there is must be people who can produce it and those who shall appreciate it and listen to it.

Audiences are most definitely changing. Only 20-30 years ago, a music concert by one artist could very easily be 3-4 hours long. Today in a span of a 2 hour concert, two to three artists will perform solos. Guruji often speaks of concerts that began at 8pm and ended in the wee hours of the morning. No one would move, let alone get up to get water or use the restroom during a concert, that was the level of involvement of the listens.

To listen to Indian classical music requires training. I am a perfect example of that. When I first began learning tabla, I knew VERY little about Indian classical music. When we would gather for music listening sessions with Guruji, the other students would be completely engrossed, reacting to taans and the way an artist render a raga, while none of the nuances were registering for me. I would catch myself zoning out and I'll admit it - falling asleep. Even within a year that has changed. I still don't know all the nuances and don't expect to understand them all in a year, but my comprehension is increasing. I am beginning to appreciate the music and the artistry of the musician more; and I'm not falling asleep. That is called training. I am being trained to listen to Indian classical music. As musicians would say (translated) - m y ears are opening.

Another example of audience education can be given in a geographical context. Kolkatta is considered the heart of Indian classical music. The toughest and most discerning audience is found in this city. Amdavadis is comparison don't quite live up to the mark. What might appeal to the music audience here and having them show their appreciation might not invoke the same reaction in Kolkatta as the expectations are higher. Kolkatta audiences are more trained. This is not surprising as the city is and has been home to many high quality musicians.

Training an audience will not happen on its own. It requires a concerted effort and is a valuable endeavour. If audiences are not trained to distinguish poor from mediocre, good from excellent, the artist has one less reason to push themselves to become better and better at their art (where this is the correct thought process or not is a different topic). When you gain widespread appeal for subpar or mediorce work, the market incentive to do better disappears.

The question then arises of how? Well, its not easy. Getting someone who only listens to modern Bollywood music (which can be quite poor in musicality) to listen to an alaap of Bhairavi is not going to happen overnight. But in small amounts, an appreciation can be created. One can say that today's well-done fusion that incorporates Indian classical music is one way of training in small doses, but it has to continue from there.

One way that Guruji has tried to tackle this issue is through his contemporary tabla ensembles, which we call "tabla fusion". Why tabla fusion because tabla traditionally is not performed as group so the presentation style is different. Also, the compositions, which are all his own, are made keeping a mainstream audience in mind. So you have all the facets of tabla playing that will make the common man give appreciation. BUT at the same, the essence of all the compositions is classical tabla playing. The intricacy and difficulty of the compositions is such that only his senior disciples can play them. The nuances of classical tabla playing are all intact. The presentation style though is such that even a person who will run at the name of a tabla solo concert will be asking when the next ensemble performance is. It is after all, 2 -5 tabla players playing super fast pieces in complete synchronization. Imagine the power of 5 tabla players playing dha at one time. (If you don't want to image, watch the video of his latest tabla ensemble - Tabla Ecstasy). His ensembles have performed all over and its a common response to see people inspired to learn tabla or come to tabla performances afterwards.

So how can audiences be created? By education, by exposure to this music. Its as simple as one person encouraging their friends and family to come to a show, giving them music to listen to. More concerts, more workshops, more access.

The benefit of the virtual world is that it has made it easier to find music, there are videos all over youtube, etc; but it has to be filtered. Again, poor should not be passed off as good. How can you tell? By building your personal database (mentally) by listening to more and more stuff and hopefully having a more educated ear to guide you. As you listen to more, your references grow and hopefully your discerning abilities as well. But ultimately, I think you do need a guide to this world of music to educate you about it.

A concerted effort has to be made to bring and keep Indian classical music in the forefront of society's music preferences. If the audience demands it, high quality Indian classical music can continue for a long time.

Indian Classical Music Listeners India vs Abroad

2009-08-05T23:44:00.003+05:30

An interesting observation from some interactions this month. If you ask a group of Indian youth how many listen to Indian classical music, you won't get many positive responses. When I posed this question to some groups of NRI volunteers, the 70 - 80% of the people were familiar with it and listened to it. That is really encouraging and great to know.

Weeklong Indian Music Workshop in India!

2009-07-29T11:04:00.008+05:30

Its a common thing to hear that people are interested in Indian music, want to understand it a but better, but don't have the time to dedicate themselves to a full study of it. Here's a great program for those interested in learning about Indian music. If you are already practice Indian music, its a way to deepen your understanding, learn from Guruji (Pandit Divyang Vakil), work with the world fusion group Taan and Rushi and jam with musicians from around the world for a week!

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Intrigued by Indian Music?

Want to learn how use Indian rhythm and melodies?

Explore the vast world of Indian music in India

Rhythm Riders invites you to

1 Week Indian Music Workshop in India

Dec 20 - 27, 2009 in Ahmedabad, Gujarat

*Experience India through its music

*Explore Indian music, from its classical and folk to its contemporary forms

*Nightly jam sessions and concerts

*Learn to adapt Indian Music to your own music and instrument

*Special workshops on Indian percussion

*Special lectures with Tabla Guru Pandit Divyang Vakil

Final Concert Performance with World Fusion Group Taan

Open to musicians from around the world

instrumentalists and vocalists of all music genres welcome

Fees cover teaching, accomodations, local transportation, food and events.

**Airfare not included**

Contact Rhythm Riders at manager@rrmproductions.com
or call (201) 467 4431

For information on Rhythm Riders, visit www.rrmproductions.com

A Small story about a Small Action creating Small Change

2009-07-21T13:18:00.007+05:30

One nice thing about the location about my flat is that it is 2 min walking distance away from a MORE grocery store. This is very convenient when I randomly remember that I need something.

I generally go to MORE from home, so I take bags with me, which which I can bring home my groceries or if its small enough, stuff the things into my fairly large purse (whose size I actually chose for this purpose).

When you go to MORE, like any other grocery store, the cashier or his assistance automatically starts to put things in plastic bag. The first few times, I got strange looks and had to repeat myself when I would ask that they not put my groceries in plastic bags (and I don't think that was because they didn't understand my Gujarati accent). Over the course of a couple trips, I kept getting the same cashier, who asked me the third time he rang up my bill why I didn't take their bags. I quickly explained how plastic bags are bad for the environment, cause cancer and cow deaths and he seemed to appreciate the information. When I was about to leave, he stops me and asks, "Mam, can you fill out our comment form?"

I look and the form and am about to tell him that I needed to go, when he interjects my thoughts and adds, "I think you should share why you didn't want to take a plastic carrying bag."

I look at the form and again, my mind tells me that there is no point. But then figure what the heck, there is no harm. I quickly fill out the form stating that MORE should discourage stop providing plastic bags or encourage customers to bring their own bag (by potentially providing a financial incentive like stores in N. America do) as that will show that the company cares about environment, which is good for the company's image (I had to pitch it in corporate terms). I had the cashier the form and proceed home.

After that day, whenever the cashier rang up by bill, he never gave me a plastic bag. Through my small action, one other person learnt about the dangers of plastic bags.

An even bigger surprise came a month or two later. I walked into MORE after a long time and noticed a new sign on their announcement board behind the cashier and near the vegetables. It read:
PLEASE MINIMIZE THE USE OF PLASTIC BAGS.

MORE has not stopped giving plastic bags, but it atleast had taken one step in the right direction. Who said that you can't be the change?

Serving Music

2009-07-14T01:02:00.004+05:30

The world needs two things: correct knowledge and true music. - Guruji (Pandit Divyang Vakil)

When I first changed paths and decided to follow the music route versus continuing with volunteering and doing water and sanitation, a lot of questions and confusion arose in the minds of many. After all, the "purpose" of doing volunteer work or water and sanitation in the developing world is easy to figure out. Its noble, its for the greater good. Easy to understand, hard to argue against its value. But now here I was - pursuing Indian classical music seriously, that too at a late age (like ballet, generally you begin ICM or indian classical music at a young age). Compared to the engineering degree and lofty goal of building toilets around the world, somehow putting that aside and training to become a professional tabla player did not quite stack up in the minds of many.

But there is a purpose, a higher purpose, if you want to call it that. Music is completely intertwined with universe and its source. Indian classical music was not a spontaneous creation, but a well-understood and thought out development. I don't believe stories of Tansen and Bilaskhan are mere folklore, they speak of the true depth and power of the music. Music moderates society, it keeps things in balance. That isn't hard to believe. They are countless who listen to music to relax. Good music, true music has kept the world in check. Look at society over time and how it has degraded and compare it to its music and its degradation, you'll find a strong parallel.

Music is and can be a saving force. So long as true music is alive, there is some force that is working to balance the negative. What is the higher purpose of what I doing? I am trying to serve that music.

Guru Poornima 2009

2009-07-08T11:08:00.006+05:30

Last night was a super duper success. The hall was jam packed. We had people who stood outside the doors for 20 minutes before some space was created for them to come in. There were students sitting on the stage, people in all the aisles. It was nuts. The energy in the room was incredible. So many people from all over the country and world came together to celebrate the person who has had such a profound impact on their lives and our family and friends join in our celebration to witness the talent that he has nourished and cultivated. From one of Guruji's first students from 30 years ago to a student who just began learning at Rhythm Riders two weeks ago, three decades of students were present at the occasion. I am so happy that I had a chance to be apart of it.

I got a chance to start off the evening with a pure Delhi gharana solo and it went quite well. Then of course, the professionals took the stage. Tabla Triveni - Guruji's American group tabla ensemble did a fantastic job. 17 year old Rahul Shrimali blew the audience away with his Ajrada tabla solo (to give you a sense of the difficulty in playing this gharana's compositons - there is a saying amongst the maestros that if a crazy dog bites you, only then will you think to play Ajrada). The tabla trio, specially created for the occasion, of Nishant Mehta, Kaumil Shah (aka Khakra) and Sahil was fantastic with Nishant playing only Guruji's compositions, Sahil playing pure Punjab and Kaumil playing compositions from Guruji, Ajrada, Delhi and Punjab.

Thank you to everyone who honoured our invitation and graced the occasion with their presence. Thank you to all my friends, family and supporters who were there in spirit cheering me on and have supported me through my journey.

Lots of pictures and videos to come.

I bow down to my teachers

2009-07-07T10:00:00.006+05:30

To the universe - the Param Guru that has been guiding my footsteps as I walk along the path of life. Thank you for all the hints, for being so persistent even when I was stubborn and giving me signs time and time again, for being so patient, for taking care of me and watching over me and for leading me to my Guru in human form. Grant me the ability to always have the awareness and humility to listen and the courage to follow the markers on the road and fulfil my purpose.

To Guruji - Thank you for your patience, for your faith in me, your love, guidance and support. There really aren't enough words. I pray that I become a more worthy student of yours with every passing day.

Everyone who my life's thread has been connected you. Each person, each experience has led to where I am and will continue to help shape the person I become. Reflection allows you to see where the road curved and how one experience prepared you for something else down the road. With deep gratitude, I thank you for being in my life, for your support, your love, your encouragement and the challenges that we have faced together. Thank you for teaching me.

Power of Sadhna

2009-06-30T18:53:00.004+05:30

An experience from a few months back:

There are places where you go and can feel something different. Often these places become points of pilgrimage. They are places that have become charged with the intensity and heat of someone(s)' penance. Karl Marx' chair in the library when he would sit for hours and hours is such a place or places of pilgrimage, be it Mecca or Kailash are other examples.

There is such a place in Ahmedabad, a room that I have spent time in many times, but recently I got a chance to really experience the magic of the room first hand. I had some time to kill and instead of coming back later, Guruji told me to practice in the room. It was the first time I was alone with tabla in the room. Time flew by without me even realizing, one hour became two. Two came close to three when Guruji told me that I would be needed in 20 minutes. This was was perfect because I would finish three hours then. Three hours passed and was not called. Practice was going really well and even though it had been 3 continuous hours, I was not tired. In fact, at this point, my mind was getting tired, but my body and hands were still in form. So I decided to stay put and another 45 minutes later, I was called out. If I had not been called, I could have continued to practice! For the first time, I had spent nearly 4 hours in continuous solo practice without getting up, without breaks, and without having my hands compelling me to stop. It was amazing.

When I came out and shared my experiences, the others just smiled. Its the magic room they said as they have said many times before. Its the room where Guruji and Latifbhai would have long and intense practice sessions, its the room where ustads who came to visit Guruji would teach and interact with Guruji's students when he used to run tabla classes from home and most important of all - it was the room that had become charged by Guruji's sadhana as its the place where Guruji himself conducted the majority of his practice over the course of many many years. It is the magic room.

Countdown to Guru Purnima 2009

2009-06-30T02:25:00.004+05:30

So the countdown has begun. Guests from abroad start arriving in a few days. Daily rehearsals have started. I had my FIRST rehearsal with a lehra player a few days back and it went quite well, which was very encouraging. There is a long list of things to do before it all begins, but it will surely get done and I know that next week is just going to go by in a flash.

The year has flown by, I can't believe that its already been a year since I played my first tabla solo. Every year the program has something special about it. Of course this year its the fact that we are celebrating Guruji's 30th year of teaching tabla. It's been an incredible journey for him so far and its great to be apart of it all as we pay tribute to all the work that he has done. Really, you can't find a better tabla guru. Guruji is completely dedicated to providing the best taalim (training) possible to create a new generation of highly trained and skilled tabla players. The fact that he gave up his own performing career for his students stands as a testament to his commitment. Everyone from his own gurus to fellow maestros and society as a whole has witnessed the exceptional quality of his teaching. He has not had it easy and has made his life on his own terms with his determination and passion for music and knowledge. This year's Guru Purnima is another milestone of what are to be many more milestones and I am so honoured that Guruji has chosen me to be apart of it all and given me a chance to play a solo on that special day.

Walking the Streets of Ahmedabad

2009-05-06T22:06:00.004+05:30

Today, after a long time, I walked the streets of Ahmedabad.

It's been nearly 3 years that I have lived in the city. Like any other outsider, when I first got here, I didn't know my way around. I relied on others to take me around. But slowly, I found my geographical bearings. I came to know the city through her buses, her chugadas (shuttle rickshaws) and with my own feet. I have traveled the city a lot, taking new streets and expecting intersections, but found out from a series of wrong turns that the city followed the meander of the river and in fact was more like a half-circle. I have come to know some areas better than Amdavadis.

Today after a long time, I took to the street again. I sought to be alone. One would expect that I could find this in the isolation of my flat, but that was not the case. I found isolation in the noise of the streets. The focus became the few feet in front of me, the noise of the street dimmed away and I could hear my thoughts clearly.

As I walked, I recalled a philosophy / spiritual lecture that Guruji one gave where he spoke of tirth dhams or places of pilgrimage. People go to these places to be alone, which seems ironic as these places are very crowded. Yet the reality is that within the chaos of Kumbh, the crowds at Badrinath, the people at Mecca, one finds isolation. The crowds give way to solitude.

So the noise of the street faded away as I walked the familiar streets of Ahmedabad. My troubled mind calmed. In the bustle of the streets, I found my solitude as I walked the streets of Ahmedabad once more.

WIshing you the best!

2009-05-02T17:56:00.004+05:30

As I sit here in India, I send out a prayer and thoughts full of love to two dear people - Rahul and Asha who are taking their first steps together as a married couple today. They are two inspiring people and film-makers, who are using their creativity and media to spread goodness in the world and uplift the underpriviledged. It's a pleasure to know them and I look forward to seeing all the things they come up with in the future.

Some examples of their work:
- Asha helped found INSPIRE - short term service trips to India that give participants a chance to experience India in a whole new way as they visit organizations all over the country, participating in service projects in slums, working on an organic farm and more. What's more, this year INSPIRE went gift-economy!
- Both of them headed a pilot project in Ahmedabad which I got to see firsthand called Lok Darshan - a weekly video broadcast of news and stories created by the community for the community
- Both of them spent time in Orissa working with Gram Vikas creating these amazing films on the work that they do, not only is the video inspiring, but their experiences there were incredible
- Rahul has created wonderful videos on many topics, including a fantastic project he worked on to bring together children from Pakistan and India called Friends without Borders, his videos posted on his youtube channel and stories about them on his blog

Aum - The Primordial Sound

2009-05-01T18:06:00.005+05:30

Yesterday, the topic of Guruji's spiritual lecture was the primordial sound Aum. I have heard that description of Aum before - the primordial sound, but the first time I really understood this name was when I heard Guruji speak on Aum. I think of the great things about hearing Guruji speak is that because he has such a breadth of knowledge, he easily shows how one topic is inter-related with others. Aum was related to topics such as creation, absolute reality (Brahma), music, naad (sound), chakras, the different states of the soul and how the mind works.

I have heard he speak on this topic before, but each time, something new is revealed and previous information is digested more thoroughly, so his talks are never a bore.

A fellow disciple of Guruji really described him very aptly in saying that Guruji is a walking encyclopedia. I am reminded of my good fortune to be his student all the time and that feeling is always more prevalent when hearing him share his gyan (knowledge).

Things in Harmony

2009-04-29T01:13:00.001+05:30

This morning started beautifully. I woke up hearing the call of birds which was following in matching rhythm by alarm a minute later.

Understanding the Universe

2009-04-28T08:08:00.000+05:30

Guruji said a beautiful thing yesterday:

To understand the universe, you can study all the shastras or you can understand one thing - taal.

That's the journey I am on. To understand taal or rhythm.

Going Green in India Pt 2

2009-04-27T00:39:00.005+05:30

Transportation
Getting produce is also less fuel consumptive because produce sellers visit all residential areas on a daily basis, so if your local vegetable or fruit person tends to carry good quality produce, then there is no need to drive to get them. Supermarkets only arrived in India after I arrived, so I have also been seeing this dynamic change. Supermarkets means lower prices and more variety, and day long availability, so the practice of getting produce from the shak bhaji wali is diminishing. At the same time, these supermarkets have opened up on every other corner, so they are a minimal distance away to travel to.

I don't have a vehicle, so my primary mode of transportation is walking and rickshaws (buses are not available on my daily travel paths). Rickshaws in Ahmedabad are run on natural gas, so they are more friendly than petrol vehicles. When we were choosing where I would live, my primary concern was geographic location, so even rickshaw usage is minimal.

Water consumption
The dishwasher and laundry machine are two very large consumers of water. Dishwashers have yet to create a strong presence in the residential sector and laundry machines have only been making headway in the last 2 - 3 years. So thats another plus. While people use laundry machine, clothes dryers are still not heard of. Machine washed or hand washed, clothing is dried on a clothing line.

Also because I get a tiffin for my meals, I don't actually create a lot of dirty dishes. The wonderful woman who makes my food does not need to use extra pots/pans to make food for one more person, so my water consumption with respect to dishwashing is also lower than before.

When I was living at the ashram, 1 bucket baths were the norm. Now its a mix of showers and bucket baths, but most definitely the limited capacity of my geyser serves as a friendly reminder to end a shower sooner rather than later, particularly in the winter.

One area where there is more water consumption is mopping. Mopping has to be done much more regularly in India due to the high level of dust.

Electricity
In India, perhaps due to the high voltage, all electric sockets have switches to turn them on and off. So as long as you remember to turn off the switch when not in use, you don't have to worry about stand by electric consumption that occurs in phone chargers, etc.

Clothing Recycling/ Reuse
Clothing should be reused, especially if it is gently used. It takes even less effort to have clothing reused in India. You can easily find people to give gently used clothing to. Usually families tend to give them to their hired help (people who clean, cook, drivers, etc). Also because getting clothing stitched is so common, clothing can be easily altered. My mom found a great tailor/ designer who created "new" saris that follow today's trends from saris she has had for over 10 - 20 years. He uses dyes, embellishments, borders, etc to create beautiful new pieces. There is no need to buy new saris from stores as these old ones are reincarnated so well. I have found myself really enjoying the idea of reusing material to make new things. Worn out t-shirts, etc can always be torn up and used as mops and cloths to clean windows and dry dishes.

Being Green in India - Part 1

2009-04-25T22:00:00.005+05:30

For a while now, I have been trying to be more and more "green" in my day-to-day living. The topic keeps appearing with increasing regularity, so it is something that comes to mind often. I think it takes less effort to be green in India, particularly with regards to two major waste streams - trash and food.

Waste Disposal/ Recycling
For example, if you look at waste disposal, yes there are no official recycling systems, BUT there is a very large recycling system in place in the form of rag-pickers. (Note: I, by NO means, am supportive of the lifestyle and work of these women, but definitely have a lot of respect for them as I have met many rag-pickers and they are inspiring women.) For those uninitiated, in India, thousands of people, mainly women and children from what I seen, earn their daily income by sifting through landfills of trash, finding things (recyclables) that can be sold to a local middlemen. (Note: they are very underpaid and often exploited, but good news is that there are a lot of people and organizations working with ragpicking communities to improve their lives). Things such as high quality plastic, needles, metal, etc are collected by these women and then make their way through a series of middlemen before landing up somewhere where it is recycled. So trash that is thrown out is recycled at some level.

Even before the stage where trash get thrown out, there are people who regularly visit residential areas collecting old newspapers/cardboard, metal, etc and they will buy these off of you, so recycling comes to your door!

BUT that does not give free license to produce waste. The plastic bags on the streets of India are a huge problem. They clog drainage systems and can cause cancer in the cows who eat them. Unfortunately, many people put of food for dogs and cows to each in plastic bags.

Food Waste
In the West, for food waste, techniques such as composting are suggested. In India, there many options before that stage. If I buy excess fruit, before it goes bad, I can give it the many on the streets who don't get regular meals. In my society, we also have a animal feeder outside the gate, where people put out food for the animals to eat. I keep my vegetable and fruit peel, etc in a container that I empty in the animal feeder, so even that things that humans won't eat are consumed. One important thing to keep in mind though is again not placing the food in a plastic bag.

Eating Locally
Another way to be green is to eat locally and seasonally. Before I came to India, I had very limited knowledge about the seasons of produce because you could get everything all year round, but in India, that is not necessarily the case (though I have noticed this changing over the last three years). The lack of availability of non-seasonal items means that you eat whats in season. Living in a state with lots of agriculture also means that most of the produce is local. In addition, there is not a very high degree of produce import from what I have seen. I think this is because the normal diet is still very much Indian (vs eclectic mix abroad) which is based on locally available produce.

Excited =)

2009-04-22T01:11:00.002+05:30

After many requests it is finally happening. Guruji is going to have weekly philosophy/ spirituality lectures for small groups of people. I take philosophy classes with him, so this will be an add-on to that. He gives lectures on different topics such as death, tantra, basics of buddhism, different philosophical schools of thought, etc in many countries around world, but not many know of this side of him in Ahmedabad. Its great opportunity for those interested in topics like this and wonderful way to bring that energy together and of course learn lots of new stuff.

Update from the NEW cave

2008-03-09T10:09:00.002+05:30

Dear friends,

So its been a long time. So much has been happening. First off, I have moved into a new cave. A more permanent one. This one too can withstand earthquakes, but more permanent in the sense that it belongs to my family, so there is no worries about having to move out etc. I moved in a few weeks ago and after the whirlwind of getting everything settled, this time more so than last because after we got possession, i had to make sure everything was okay in terms of the builders' responsibilities, etc. But its done and then after a few days I got sick... which meant practice got a lot of disruptions, but life has now resumed in terms of practices, etc.

It's been a very exciting time at rhythm riders, in the sense that the senior students, who now perform professionally are becoming more and more established. Its fantastic to see that their years of dedication (over 18 for many) are paying off and that they are getting recognized for their incredible skills and training (which of course would not be possible without our guruji). In terms of writing, i have been doing a little here and there, but its all half written so apologies for no emails or updates.

As for my practice and life in general. Things are great. I have a blast with my Vedanta teacher and im more flexible and more in control of my breathing because of yog and my allergic cold (which has been MASSIVELY aggravated since moving to India) is minimal due to a fantastic ayurvedic doctor that can tell what wrong by checking your pulse! I am getting the hang of being in a traditional guru-shishya parampara style of teaching more and more. Def lucky to have a guru who understands American mentalities and is patient with me. (the guru shishya parampura is the way that classical arts have been passed down, it requires complete surrender of the student - mind, body, EGO - at the feet of the teacher, allowing the teacher to do their best in making you. an analogy is becoming a piece of clay and allowing the sculptor to mold you as they see fit based upon the make-up of the clay. the ego by far has been the biggest challenge as cultural influences of growing up in the West where the importance is placed on the individual and doing what one feels is best. in this case, you don't know anything so there isn't a reason to have ego, but still it is there so overcoming it of course is a challenge. discussion of learning to be a student can be a whole email in itself...)

Growing all the time, can def see improvement in my playing which is always very encouraging. People around me in terms of family, friends, etc are becoming more adjusted to the idea of what I am doing as they understand more about what I am doing. I found this article yesterday that talks about the "double life" that many South Asians lead. It was reassuring to find others similar and to know that I have found that passion.

Time is just flying by so quickly and we'll see where the road leads, there are many things in the pipeline with regards to future plans, nothing is finalized yet, so we'll see where the road takes me. I MIGHT be back in n. America this summer for a little bit, but nothing is for certain. What is certain is that I am growing and love the fact that I get to be in an environment with great music and incredible amounts of knowledge that most people don't even know about. One plan is to start writing a monthly article on stuff that I am learning particularly in philosophy. First one is almost done (they will be in gujarati and english).

hope all is well and that each of you are finding your way to following your dreams and passions.

In Loving Memory of Pandit Sudhirkumar Saxena

2007-12-01T16:13:00.002+05:30

Yesterday, the ICM community lost their eldest and most senior living tabla artiste - Pandit Sudhirkumar Saxena. He passed away surrounded by his family and students in Ahmedabad, Gujarat. He was a beloved teacher and musician, one of the last ustad's of the Ajrada Gharana. He will continue to live in the memory of his students.

May his soul be blessed with peace.

Brief Bio of Saxenaji:

The first drummer in India to have worked as Professor of Tabla at a centre of higher learning, Saxenaji (b. 1923), retired from Maharaja Sayajirao University, Baroda, in 1983 as head of its music department, after serving the institution for thirty-three years. Besides teaching Tabla to generations of students, a lifetime work which he lovingly continues in retirement at his residence, Professor Saxena had, in his younger days (1945-1995), participated in most of the major music conferences of the country as a Tabla accompanist to almost every front-ranking musician and Kathak dancer.

His pupils abound. Some of them are themselves distinguished teachers in India and other countries. Many more are serving All India Radio; and some of them, the very university where he has worked as a teacher. All of them are proud of the authentic training they have received — authentic because Professor Saxena himself had the privilege of learning the art for years from Ustad Habeebuddin Khan, the doyen of the Ajrada gharana of Tabla.

He was the first guru of my guru - Pandit Divyang Vakil.

The Foundation of Hinduism – Veda to Upaveda

2007-11-23T21:57:00.002+05:30

As one of the oldest civilizations in the world, India has a wide plethora of knowledge to offer. While the number of seers and saints has diminished over the centuries, the wealth of experience and wisdom they had remains through the texts they passed down from teacher to student. As time passes along, the West world is increasingly looking to the East, dipping its feet into its ocean of wisdom. Modern science is making discoveries that the seers of long ago spoke of with the same or greater degree of precision and accuracy. The cosmos were mapped. Surgeries were being performed without the aid of computers and lasers. The vast botanical world, the properties and benefits of different herbs and plants was well understood.

The expanse of knowledge exists, the awareness of its existence, depth and quantity however is lacking. Unlike Christianity, Islam or Judaism, there is no one book, one text from which guidance is found. Over the course of time, countless texts were created, each with a different purpose. Together, they form the foundation of Hinduism. The following described the first three categorizations of texts.

The Vedas

The knowledgeable have called the Vedas “Shabd Brahma.” The power of the Vedas is such that through words, Brahma (Reality) can be understood.

There are four Vedas: Rig Veda, Yajur Veda, Sam Veda and Atharva Veda.

The Rig Veda is comprised mainly of the stutis and mantras in praise of various deities (Indra, Agni, Vayu, Varuna, etc).

The Yajur Veda contains the mantras and procedures for the performance yajnas (sacrifices). It has information on what the preparations for yajna are, the fruits of differents yajna, etc.

The Sama Veda is essentially the Rig Veda. The Sama Veda however provides information on how the mantras are to be chanted, giving fixed melodies for each mantra. The Sama Veda is considered the first text related to music.

The Atharva Veda talks about worldly things. It includes information on craftsmanship, medicine and tantra.

Each Veda is further divided into four sections:

The Mantra Samhitas – the “collection” of mantras. It is often considered that the Mantra Samhita forms the proper Veda. The Mantra Samhita is generally for brahmacharis, those who not have families, those who do not have much to do with the world of maya.
The Brahmanas – the technical guide. Descriptions on how and why to do yajna, etc. can be found in the Brahmana. Priests would perform the sacrifices and this section was a guide for priests or Brahmins, hence the name Brahmana.
The Aranyakas – provides the analysis of yajna. This section is intended for sadhus, not for wordly people.
The Upanishads – books of philosophy, also known as "Vedanta," the end or conclusion of the Vedas. The Upanisads show the Ultimate Reality. It is the recording of the experiences of Reality by saints and seers. The Upanisads are intended for sanyasis, but there is not large different between those on the path of knowledge and sanyasis.

The Vedas are not books. Veda literally means “to know.” Another names for the Vedas is shruti or that which is heard because this wisdom was not transcribed but passed down orally. The Vedas are meant to be spoken in a highly systemized way using only three notes. Each syllable is read many times in various combinations, revealing its nature as it is spoken. The precise sequence of sounds is critical. The true meaning of the Vedas can only be found in the sequential progression of sound and silence, not in the literal translations.

It is said to understand the Vedas, one must not start with the Mantra Samhita, but from the Upanisads and make one’s way back to the Samhitas.

The Six Vedangas (limbs of the Vedas)

The Vedangas are six technical texts that are required to understand the Vedas.

Siksha (pronunciation)
For centuries, the Vedas were not written down, but passed down orally as its meaning is realized in its recitation. The Vedas cannot be understood in its entirety, nor will its mantras bear fruits as described unless it is spoken as intended.
Vyakarana (grammar)
Grammar can change the entire meaning of a sentence. Vyakarana details the correct grammar.
Nirukti (etymology)
Etymology is the study of the history of language. Nirukti is the study of the origin of word.
Chhandas (metre)
Everything is created of chandas or syllables. Different combinations produce different sets of vibrations and meanings. Chhandas is the study of Vedic metre.
Jyotisha (astronomy/astrology)
As humans, we reside within the larger system of the cosmos. Changes in the cosmos affect a multitude of things, including human behaviour. Jyotisha details the planetary movements, the implications of such movement on individual and collective life, auspicious times for activities, etc.
Kalpa (ritual)
Kalpa is manual for rituals relating to various topics including large scale sacrifices to domestic affairs such as births and marriages.

The Four Upavedas (following the Vedas)

The Vedas were followed by four texts, called the Upavedas, that describe different sciences and arts.

The four Upavedas are: Ayur-veda, Dhanur-veda, Gandharva-veda and Artha-veda.

The Ayurveda deals with the science of the body. A healthy body is needed for all work as all work must be done through the body. According to Ayurveda, the body is comprised of three elements Vata (air), Pitta (fire) and Kapha (sky/land). Perfect balance of the elements results in a perfect balance. Any imbalance leads to ailments related to the element that is in excess.

Dhanur-veda literally means the Veda of the bow, but this Upaveda deals not only with archery, but the entire science of warfare. Dhanur-veda includes information on battle plans and formations, preparation and training of different arms of the military, etc. Every little detail about warfare can be found in the Dhanur-veda.

Gandharva-veda is the text for sangeet (music). A master of music is called a Gandharva. It is important to understand the meaning of the word sangeet. Literally translated as music, sangeet does not only include sound. Sangeet means sam + geet, or the coming together of singing, playing and dance, thus the Gandharva-veda is a text for music and dance. The description of music, its laws, its development, how to do its sadhna, etc. is all found in Gandharva-veda.

Artha-veda deals with the science of statecraft. The Artha-veda provides all details on rulership, different areas of government and society. An example is how the king did not have the power to make laws, but was the upholder of the law.

The Importance of the Teacher

2007-11-16T21:19:00.003+05:30

Tasmay Shri Guruvey Namah (I bow down to all my teachers, those who have guided, taken me under their wing and taught me all that I know).

The meaning of the Upanishads is very beautiful – to sit devotedly at the feet of the Guru. The Upanisads are a series of texts that transcribes conversations that various learned saints and seers have with their students. To learn and understand the Upanisads is to hear the “amrut vani” of the seers of long ago.

India is rich with a heritage of Guru Mukhi Vidhyas or Vidhya (knowledge) that is learnt from the mouth of the Guru. What does Guru Mukhi Vidhya really mean?

The last few months have been a personal journey in understanding Guru-Shishya parampara (Teacher-student tradition). I could attend Prof Shastri’s lectures at Gujarat University, but both of us can tell you that it would by no means be as fulfilling or deep as our one-on-one meeting. I could pick up a book on tabla, complete with pictures to show me placement, but my hand will not develop the way it should, nor will my personality be articulate in my music.

If you look at many traditional cultures around the world, knowledge was not transcribed but passed down orally. Why is this the case? Because the essence of knowledge cannot be transmitted in a book. In fact, in India another name for knowledge is shruti, which literally means that which is heard. The essence of the Vedas cannot be communicated through any book or translation, it is through its recitation that its meaning becomes known.

Embarking on the study of knowledge is a difficult task, which requires guidance, supervision and protection. A wrong turn could be disastrous. One easy example – one of Guruji’s students (A) in the States had learnt from one of his older students (B). A would go to B for a few lessons then practice at home for a few months on his own. B tried to best to correct him when he would return and dissuade A from taking such long gaps between lessons, but was not successful. When A met Guruji, under continued supervision, Guruji attempted to fix his hand positioning, but the level of damage was too great. If A wanted to really continue his study, he would not be able to do so unless he started again. So 2-3 years after he began his “training,” he was re started his training, but this time playing tabla with his left hand instead of right (a SUPER challenging task).

The Guru becomes a Guru because of their level of knowledge and experience. Only after intense sadhna and training do they become the trainer. A good Guru holds the keys to the secrets of the art (and believe me each art has its secrets). The ancient arts would not have lasted so long, unless their innermost essence was not shrouded by so many secrets and tests.

A cool example. Every composition in tabla has a pair. When the composer creates a cayda, gat, etc he creates not one but two pieces of music (a jod). The pair serves many purposes. The most obvious being the ability to track theft. If someone claims to be the composer and there is a doubt, the person can be asked for the composition’s pair. Another more interesting purpose its demonstration of a teacher’s trust on a student. A guru is morally bound to their gharana (or family), they cannot teach someone if they do not have trust in them. To receive the jod of a composition is a sign of ultimate trust of the guru on the student. Traditionally, if a student went to another teacher, the latter would ask if the student has received any pairs. Through this test they get an understanding of how much the former teacher trusted the student and can decide whether to take them on as a student or not.

It’s like a video game, you have to pass level one to move onto level two. A book doesn’t have those levels. You flip the page and more information is available, whether or not proper mastery has been achieved or not is not determined.

Whatever the pursuit may be, the fortunate find their guru (or mentor). The person who helps you get your foot in the door, trains you on how to behave and pass on the tricks of the trade.

It is one thing to find one’s guru and another to be a student in the true sense of the word. It is hard to understand what it means to be a student until one actually becomes a student. When I went to Kailash, I had many conversations about what a Guru is etc. An interesting point was made to me. One might take someone to be one’s Guru, but it is another thing for the Guru to take you as a student. The binding of a student to teacher entails the teacher taking on complete responsibility for the student and student taking complete surrender at the teacher’s feet. In the end, the student will become a guru.

To be a student means to enter into a egoless condition with utmost faith, devotion and love. It is surrender to something that is higher than oneself. A student of philosophy recognizes that the knowledge is much more than the oneself and that to learn it, to understand it, one must give oneself completely to its study. Ultimately, it is surrender to the art, to the knowledge and the guru is the key holder.

The Guru holds the future and present of the student. The more willing, the more dedicated the student, the more the Guru can do. Ultimately they (the teacher) are bound to preservation of knowledge, they have the responsibility to ensure that it does not pass into the wrong hands. Many traditional and ancient arts and knowledges are dying out, but you will find the master unwilling to write it down and leave it for the public for this reason only. The belief is that it is better that the knowledge “dies” with the person than go into the hands those who are not ready for it. The knowledge does not “die,” but is lost until it will be time for it to be remembered again.

We live in a day and age where knowledge is not respected or given the value it deserved and consequently its keepers’ too do not have the same position they did centuries ago. Fewer in number, but the teachers do remain. When one is blessed to find such a person, pray that one has the clarity of vision to recognize them for what they are and ability to take as much as possible of their precious wisdom.

Transcendental Freedom (By Osho)

2007-11-16T21:10:00.001+05:30

Freedom from creates the politician, the reformer, the social servant, the communist, the socialist, the fascist. Freedom for creates the artist, the painter, the poet, the dancer, the musician. And just freedom for its own sake creates the sannyasin, the spiritual person, the truly religious.

The real freedom is the third kind, the transcendental freedom. It is neither from nor for; it is simply freedom. It is just freedom. That is moksha: just freedom. Neither against anybody -- it is not a reaction; nor to create some future -- there is no goal. One simply enjoys being oneself, for its own sake; it is an end unto itself.

“Freedom has to be understood. It is a very delicate matter, a very subtle matter, one of the most profound, because freedom is equivalent to God.

That's why Mahavira refused the existence of God, because he accepted the existence of freedom, and that was enough. He called ultimate freedom moksha. Moksha means absolute freedom, ultimate freedom; then there is no need for God. Freedom is another name for God.

Three things have to be understood. First, there is a kind of freedom that you are acquainted with: that is freedom from. A child wants to be free of the parents. The slave wants to be free from the master, from the boss. This is freedom from; it is a reaction, it is the ego asserting itself. And I am not saying there is anything wrong in it; you just have to watch the different colors of freedom.

When you are seeking freedom from, sooner or later you will fall into another trap -- because it is a reaction and not an understanding. That's what happened in all the revolutions in the past. In 1917 the poor masses of Russia revolted against the Czar, wanted to be free from Czardom. And they became free just to become slaves again, because they had no positive idea of freedom. Their idea of freedom was negative. Their whole interest was how to be free from the Czar. They forgot, they completely forgot, that just to be free from the Czar was not going to help; some other Czar would be waiting.

The moment you are free from the old Czar, the new Czar will jump upon you -- and the new will be more powerful, and the new will create a far more dangerous slavery, because the new will know that you can revolt. You have revolted against the old: he will have to make a better, stronger structure of slavery so that you cannot revolt anymore. He will be more cautious, obviously.

Now it is possible, scientifically it is possible, to fix electrodes in your head. You will never be aware of them, because deep inside your skull there is no sensitivity. So if something is put there you will never know about it, you will not feel its presence. But it can go on reporting what you are thinking to the headquarters, what kind of thoughts are moving in you; it can give signals. And there is every possibility that it is going to be practiced on people in communist countries.

So when you are seeking freedom from.... For example, if you are searching for freedom from the society, the established society, then you will fall into the trap of some alternative society. You will become a hippie or a yippie or something, and there you will again be in the same trap. If the established society wants you not to wear long hair, then in the hippie community you will be asked to wear long hair. If you do not have long hair you will look odd. People will laugh at you, they will think that you are a square. They will think that you are stupid, that you are not a rebel. So if you are trying to escape from one slavery, you are bound to fall into another, because your inner mechanism is already conditioned to being a slave. You can change masters, that's all.

The Christian can become a Hindu, the Hindu can become a Mohammedan, the Mohammedan can become a Jew -- it doesn't matter. You only change masters, you remain the same. First you Were dependent on the Hindu priest, now you are dependent on the Christian minister. First you were dependent on the Koran, now you depend on the Geeta, but dependence continues. This is not true freedom.

Freedom from is not true freedom.

Then there is another kind of freedom: freedom for -- the second kind of freedom, which is far better than the first. The first is negative. The second is positive: one wants to be free to do something. For example, you want to be free of your family because you are in love with music. You are not really against the family. You are for music, and the family creates a hindrance, so you escape from the family. You are not against the family, against the parents, but they want you to become an engineer and you want to become a musician.

And it is good to be a musician even if you have to suffer for it. It is better to be a musician if you really want to be a musician, if you have a passion for it, than to be a successful engineer, rich, comfortable, safe. You can be safe, rich, comfortable, secure, but you will be dead if you do something which you never wanted to do. If you want to become a musician or a dancer or a poet and that is your passion, then go for it. You may be a beggar, you may never become known, you may never be rich -- because the society does not need much poetry.

The society does not need much music, it needs more weapons to kill. It does not need poetry because poetry cannot be of much use in War. It needs atom bombs, hydrogen bombs. It needs soldiers, not sannyasins. It is a society based on hate, it is a society which is rooted in violence. It is a society which is greedy and lives through greed, ambition, lust -- lust for power.

If you become a good ladder climber your parents will be happy -- although the ladder leads nowhere. One day suddenly when you have become the president of the country, on the last rung of the ladder, then you see the point: that you have come to the highest and now it looks as if your whole life has been a wastage -- because the ladder leads nowhere. You are just in the sky, hanging. You have not arrived anywhere.

But now to say this is not right... because at least the people who have not arrived believe that you have reached. To say, "I have not reached," will need great guts.

That's what Buddha did when he renounced his kingdom. He said, "There is nothing." That's what Mahavira did when he renounced his kingdom, what Ibrahim did when he renounced his kingdom; he said, "There is nothing. " But these people are really courageous people. Otherwise it looks so stupid; when everybody thinks you have reached, why say it? Why not let the illusion continue? And what is the point in saying that you have been after something which was absolutely absurd, ridiculous, that your whole life has been foolish? Why Say it, why confess it? Just keep quiet. Go on holding on to the top, remain there till you die, but never tell the secret to anybody because that will prove that your whole life has been just a life of utter mediocrity, unintelligence.

If you want to be a musician or a poet, be a musician, be a poet. And this is a second kind of freedom: you will be at least happy that you are doing your own thing, not somebody else's thing.

And this is my experience: that to be doing one's own thing is the greatest joy in the world -- whatsoever that thing is appreciated by the society or not, valued by the society or not, whether it can be sold in the marketplace as a commodity or not. If it is the thing that you passionately desire, intensely desire, then do it; and whatsoever the cost, sacrifice yourself for it.

This is the second kind of freedom: freedom for. This is a positive approach, better than the first. The first type of person becomes a politician. The second type of person becomes a poet, a painter, an artist. The first freedom is negative, the second freedom is positive -- but remember, they are aspects of the same thing.

Even the first type of freedom at least pretends that there is some goal. Even the politician says, "We are fighting to be free -- from this kind of society, this kind of structure, this kind of politics. We are fighting to be free from this society just to create another society. We are fighting for some goal, some value, some utopia, some ideology." Even he has to pretend that, because the negative cannot exist alone; at least the positive has to be talked about. So communism talks about a classless society, utopia, where everything will be beautiful, where paradise will have descended on the earth. It will take infinity, but that goal has to be given. Otherwise people will not fight for a negative freedom.

So the negative implies the positive; and vice versa, the positive implies the negative. When you want to become a painter and your parents are not agreeing and your society thinks it is foolish, you have to fight with them. So freedom for will have something to do with freedom from; they both are together.

The real freedom is the third kind, the transcendental freedom. What is that? It is neither from nor for; it is simply freedom. It is just freedom. That is moksha: just freedom. Neither against anybody -- it is not a reaction; nor to create some future -- there is no goal. One simply enjoys being oneself, for its own sake; it is an end unto itself.

Pagal, your question is, "We must be free. Yet where does freedom end and selfishness begin?" The first two are selfish, ego-oriented. The first, freedom from, is very egoistic because it has to fight against. It is violent; it has to be very egoistic. It has to disobey, it has to destroy, it has to conspire against the status quo. It needs great ego. The politician is nothing but pure ego.

The second, freedom for, also has ego, but more delicate, more subtle, not so gross as the politician's. The musician also has the ego, but more delicate, softer, more gentlemanly. The poet also has the ego, but nice, sweet, not so bitter as the first. They both are ego expressions.

Only in the third, pure freedom -- neither against nor for -- is there no ego and is there no selfishness, because the third freedom happens only when the ego has evaporated. If the ego is still there, the freedom may be either the first or the second. The third requires as basic the phenomenon of the disappearance of the ego :FANA. One has to understand the ego to attain the third freedom.

Watch the ways of the ego. Go on watching. There is no need to fight for, no need to fight against; there is only just one need: to watch and be aware of how the ego functions, its mechanism. And slowly, slowly out of that awareness, one day the ego is found no more. Because the ego can exist only in unawareness. When awareness comes and the light comes, the ego disappears like darkness. And then there is freedom. That freedom knows no ego.

And that freedom is love, and that freedom is God. That freedom is nirvana, that freedom is truth. In that freedom you exist in God, God exists in you. Then nothing wrong can ever happen through you. Then your life is virtue. Then your very breathing is meditation. Then you walk and it is poetry. Then you sit silently and it is dance. Then you are a blessing to the world. You are blessed.”

Life

2007-11-11T21:26:00.001+05:30

My friend wrote this fantastic post, which she calls a “Darpana Moment”. The topic: life.

It begins like this:

How many times do we forget that the life we live is the life we choose to live. Many people feel that some of the decisions that they have to make are based on family obligations, and perhaps some are, but sometimes to achieve the great we have to break out of the norm. There is a saying that goes along the lines of being scared of our endless possibilities. How true can that be? How can one be scared of the endless possibilities? Are we scared to dream big because we do not want to disappoint ourselves or others? Why are we so scared to dream big? To achieve greatness? What holds us back?

The first sentence highlights an important point. Namely the life we live is the life we CHOOSE to live. As humans beings we are placed at the top of the animal kingdom because we have intellect. We have the ability to make decisions based on reason and understanding, we have the ability to CHOOSE. The sad part is that the world or so-called society does not create an environment that promotes choice. After all, order is needed for so many billions of people to co-exist.

But what does that mean for the individual?

What is life?

If we have the ability to choose the way we live, why are the majority of people unhappy? Why do they feel like something is missing?

Pick up any self-help book, listen to motivational talks, hear inspiring stories and you’ll find a common theme through them all. The people who succeed, the people who set themselves apart and can say that they are happy, realized that they had the ability to CHOOSE and CHOSE to make their lives according to their own wishes. Though they may have failed (many many times for that matter), they held on to their vision of the life they WANTED to live and did everything to make that life a reality.

The conversion from a dream to reality doesn’t happen on its own. It takes conviction, it takes determination, its takes the ability to continue on despite all the obstacles.

It’s ironic when you look at it. Society (now this is a vast generalization I know) idolizes those who achieve great heights, but does not provide the support or encouragement for someone to reach those heights. God, the universe, whatever you want to call it, has given each soul a talent, a gift, a capability. But as that soul moves along with the normal practices of life, if it does not tune itself to its abilities or if there is not someone around who can help one recognize these capabilities, the soul continues in the circle of average life, while feeling that something is missing, having a dullness over their general being.

The system is not meant for those who want to be more than average. Understandably, it would be scary every person was trying to realize their potential and continually living with uncertainty about whether or not success will be achieved.

It is the UNCERTAINTY that makes people afraid.

Why marriage? Legal security. But does legal security guarantee mental security?

Why a “respectable” steady job such as that of a doctor, engineer or lawyer? Job/ financial security, but does financial security guarantee happiness or job satisfaction?

We get degrees, etc to qualify ourselves for certain positions, but what piece of paper tells the world of your passion and determination, which turn out to be two of the biggest qualifications for success?

The first challenge of life is to find that passion, find that god given gift. The second is to follow through on it. It is not only the responsibility of the individual to find one’s own passion, but also to support others in the pursuit of their own.

In his last lecture, a young professor in the last stages of cancer asked the audience to do one thing for him – allow their children to decorate their rooms however they want - let them scribble on the walls, do whatever they feel. Allow their inner creativity to come out.

The talent exists. The creativity is there, but often the outlets for its expression are blocked. We are too busy trying to make people like ourselves to allow them to be themselves.

Khalil Gibran has a beautiful quote on children, which can be applied in general.

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself….
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts…..
You may house their bodies but not their souls…
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.

So it is a challenge to me, you and everyone else.

Instead of trying to mold someone into our personal model of ideal life, which often is that of the life we wished to have, but don’t have; let us support each other in one’s personal journey to realize one’s own life purpose, to uncover one’s talents and gifts and make them in a way that they become the life we live. Success may not be guaranteed, but one will be better than the average.

All Alone

2007-10-21T07:17:00.001+05:30

We come into this world alone, we leave this world alone, yet why are we so afraid to live alone.

I was about to post this this morning and found the perfect quote in the Quote of the Day:
Do not blame Heaven, and do not blame earth, for your loneliness. You are traveling the ways of loneliness because your mind has not tried to conquer the darkness of frustration-frown. - Sri Chinmoy

The novelty of living alone is starting to wear off, the time is beginning where the lessons are starting to come in. It’s funny you know because you can’t really say that I am alone, I mean I’m not holed up in my apartment, on average once a day I am doing something that is not related to philosophy/music.

Those who want to be a true sadhak of music get restrictions, imposed upon them by the teacher (particularly if you are starting late in the game in terms of age). Very limited social life, full focus on music, cutting out people and things that will disturb your practice. Movement is restricted. It may seem overbearing, but completely necessary to do the sadhna. It is not just a sadhak of music, but any sadhna. Why is it that Vipassana has no cell phones, no contact, even eye contact with anyone. Because they really want you to spend time with yourself.

Spending time with yourself is hard. (note I am not complaining, just trying to go through the thoughts running in my head). To gain complete control over your mind and actions (ie doing everything with full awareness) is difficult and not something that your mind will easily allow you to do. Our training and upbringing typically is such that we are the slave of the mind. To try to change that power dynamic is not simple, who would want to give up power and become the one who follows.

My yoga instructor is always telling me, we have to gain control over the mind, even if you don’t want to hold the position, you must hold it (unless I absolutely can’t). Be strong, yog requires determination. The more determined you are, the stronger you are, the more powerful the experience. Be it for the postures or breathing exercises, everything requires control over the mind and strong will power.

In philosophy classes, after 20-30 minutes, the yawning begins and drowsiness begins to set in. Not because I am tired. All of sudden I want to pee. I try pinching myself and forcing myself to concentrate – wanting to listen, wanting to understand. Not wanting to seem rude or that I am not interested, I try to stifle the yawns and concentrate even more – after all what teacher wants to see the student yawning. But the teacher understands. “Your mind does not want you to understand reality, which in turn of course is linked to control over the mind. So it’s defense mechanism – causing you to become sleeping, once it distracts you once, it wins. It takes effort to build concentration, which is why we are beginning with the basics, easy stuff, slowly training the mind to listen and absorb this material.”

Tabla practice. Little Rahul once said to me that once you sit down for riyaz, you cannot get up. “Ha.” I thought. I can’t sit for that long at a time. It is always during riyaz that I remember the twenty-five thousand things I need to do – call this person, pick up this, etc, etc. But taking motivation from the comment, I sat down one day and with strong determination decided (made a “sankalp”) that I would not get up for 2 hours. And I did it. But the sad part about it, and this is me being completely honest, is that when I tried it again the next day, I got up. It was as if the one time was to prove to myself that I could do it. Good news though is that it is improving.. I remembering less things to do and trying harder to make a mental note and move on vs acting upon it immediately. The physical challenge of practice is hard, my lack of flexibility in the inner thighs makes it difficult to sit cross-legged for extended periods of time. However, esp with yoga, the flexibility is increasing and the stamina particularly in the arms and shoulders is building. Going from around 1hr/day straight to 4hr/day was a big jump, but its happening.

When challenging the self on so many different fronts, living on my own and cutting social ties on one side does not “help”, though in reality is it critical. The old Heena loved being around people, but at the same time stayed separate from them. I am glad to step away from social things, particularly of an Indian nature, which so many times I find to be very forced and artificial, but at the same time, I love to talk and share and limiting the people I interact with has been challenging. There are two sides to this – one is that I am not completely ready to share because I am still figuring it out and am in the process, yet two I miss the social comfort of having people around. (this last paragraph doesn’t make a lot of sense I know)

I’ve been sick for the last two days. While I could easily go to the ashram house and be around people, I want to be alone so I can keep up practice, etc (which hasn’t really happened). But what happens almost everytime I get sick happened again- I wanted to be taken care of. I wanted someone to be around to cook, to do things to make me feel better. At one point, I felt sorry for myself that I had no one around (which is not completely true – I could go to the ashram house), but that really isn’t the point. The craving for another to provide for me arose. I wanted someone else to do stuff for me to make me feel better. When I look at that question a little closer, the topic for this long post came up. What does it mean to be alone. Here I am, enjoying the time for self, but when a physical challenge comes up in terms of health, I feel sorry for myself that no one is around. What is that really? I have all the resources. All I have to do is call someone, let them know I am sick and they will more than happily do things, but I don’t do that. Subconsciously, I don’t want to take action, but I want something done – which is completely unrealistic.

Being sick is simply a metaphor. We come into this world alone and leave this world alone. In the middle, most tend to live their lives surrounded by others, trying to find that happiness with the crowds, but ultimately something is missing. If we can’t live with ourselves, is it possible to find true satisfaction? True happiness only comes from within and when we seek it from the outside world, at some point, we will be disappointed. If I want to achieve anything, ultimately I need to do it myself. I am lucky that I have people around sending me their support and love, but in the end I need to find the determination within myself. Things are going to be harder and are going to get harder as I enter deeper into the battle with the mind, but to win, I have to keep faith, determination and strong will.

The study of Indian classical music and philosophy are a huge help as I delve deeper into the self. Ultimately it is knowledge that brings a person out of their misery, their suffering and ignorance.

All alone? Of course. We all are. They say though, that the deeper one goes into the self, the more one truly sees the connectivity one has with the world and the world becomes an extension of the self. Walking on the path to get there, til then, the lessons will keep on coming.

Oct Quick Update

2007-10-08T14:45:00.002+05:30

I don't know where to start... I say that every time.

On one side there is nothing to share, on the other side so much.

There are moments in life where you clearly see that you are at or have passed a fork in the road and that is what I have done.

So many changes.

This is going to be a short update as I want to just tell you what I am up to but am not ready to share it all just yet.

I have moved from the ashram house to a flat. Two weeks of running around, getting this and that, waiting for delivery people, etc was hectic and I am glad its over. My new space is beautiful and completely what I needed. Space for myself was needed for me.

I am learning vedant and philosophy. Topics include different religious outlooks, meditations techniques and philosophers.

My tabla practice is improving. It's gone through lots of ups and downs.

I am going to the gym (getting my aerobic stamina back…) and taking yoga classes and have really improved on my eating habits.

My bookshelf is loaded with philosophy and music books – titles include Intro to Indian Classical Music and this INCREDIBLE book called the Mysticism of Music Sound and Word by Hazrat Inayat Khan. The book perfectly describes why I am studying Indian classical music.

Life is hectic on one side and calm on the other. I am still working with MS and ESI, finishing up the exhibition work for the van, while Parth (the new Indicorp fellow) has taken over other responsibilities.

I am doing a lot of things, time flies by (except sometimes when I sit to practice…), but the lessons keep coming and growth continues to happen.

At some point, I'll write about why music and philosophy. Why I am taking the time to focus on them for a while.

In short, I am doing well. Current plans include returning to the US at some point within the next year. There is no upcoming trip planned as of yet. Will keep you posted.

[09-10] Time for a Time Out

2007-09-10T20:36:00.001+05:30

There comes a time when you begin to wonder what really lies beyond the illusion of a world we live
There comes a time when the questions just need answers
There comes a time when you simply ask why?

The time doesn’t arrive for everyone in this lifetime, but it comes no doubt at some point along the journey. The arrival of the moment is not set, though “we” (and by we I mean society – but then what is society besides us?...) tend to say that it is after one has fulfilled one’s obligations – “settled” down, gotten a job, gotten married, had kids, seen your kids have kids, etc…

But I don’t agree with that…

and I have good reason not to… because I am asking those questions now.

Five years since I left home (I got an email about my upcoming 5 year high school reunion…)

Five years since I began to take on life on my own…

Five years of running non-stop. From one activity to the next, from one thing to another.

It’s time to STOP

and breathe.

I’ve been super fortunate you know. I’ve met fantastic people so far on the so-called journey called life. People who know what they want and are doing what they believe in. They are getting up every more (or close enough) looking forward to moving one more step closer to their destination. As Dr. Seuss says they have “feet in their shoes and brains in their heads” and they are “moving in any direction (they) choose.”

In short, they have chosen to be different. To make their mark. Do whatever it takes to follow their dreams.

I’ve been super fortunate you know. I’ve had such a wide variety of events, particularly over the last year and a half. I’ve interacted with poor, been to super-charged places of the world and most importantly, struggled with myself and watched myself through the experiences gaining insight into who “Heena Patel” (whoever that may be) is.

In short, I have experimented. Listened to the voice within. Allowed myself to be guided by the spirit that is connected to the spirit of the universe.

I’ve been super fortunate you know. I have learned and experienced and explored. Learned from these fantastic people, experienced a wide range of emotions, explored ideas and places. In all this, I have progressed, attempting to understand more and more… Now its time to digest.

It’s time for a TIME-OUT.

It’s time to say “see you in a while” to the world and go within. Time to digest the lessons. Find answers to the questions (or dig deeper into the questions). Take more care of myself. Re-evaluate where I am and where I want to go.

I have questions about the reality. I want to develop focus. So for the next few months, I’m moving away from the outside world into the world within. I’ll be meditating, doing yog asan, reading, writing, dramatically increasing my tabla practice and learning philosophy.

So if you don’t hear from me, don’t be offended. I appreciate all the love and support that you all have sending me all this time. I’m following my heart and doing what I need to do to make my life what it can be.

Year in Review

2007-08-01T22:33:00.001+05:30

Today a year of volunteering is complete.

The journey has just begun. Lots has happened over the course of the last year. Lots of ups and downs. Lots of frustration, anger, confusion, lots of masti, excitement, love. Ultimately I have been happy through the ups and down, following my heart, trying to listen to the voice within. It hasn't been easy. There have been plenty of moments where I have had my doubts and have been confused and thought it shouldn't be so hard. But I've been blessed with so many people in my life to guide me and support me and bring me back when I venture off a bit too far. Going to Mount Kailash was a powerful journey and many things have happened quite rapidly since then.

Time has come to transition, new way is being lit on the path and the heart compels me to follow the road. There has been immense personal growth in the last five years and its time to really let it all sink in before moving forward. As you might be aware from previous emails ( this and this were the last two), music is playing a larger and larger role in my life and is now a permanent fixture. I don't know what my relationship is going to be with it as the years go on, but somehow I will always be connected to it. So its time for introspection and serious individual learning. I want to be able to practice tabla for 4-5 hours a day instead of barely getting in 1-2 hours (there have been many times where its not even been 3 hours in a week!). I have questions about the world and what reality really is, so I want to understand what the learned has to say, so I will be learning Indian philosophy. I want to have the time to look within, so time to meditate. I want to take care of my body, so yoga/gym. Read and Write. So philosophy and basic tabla training, and while that's happening - yoga, meditate, read, write, play, learn. From there what happens- we'll see.

Before I can take the plunge into indian classical music training I need to complete my basic training. I need to prove to myself and Guru that I am capable of diving in. When I finish my basic tabla training, I'll have a better understanding of how I want music to play a role in my life. Music is an infinite ocean, if i think about swimming across, I'll get frustrated and disappointed. Its really all about enjoying each wave to its fullest. (i mean i get a kick out of my basic compositions...). My personal goal at the moment is to get myself to a playing level where I will be good enough to play a solo at Guru Purnima next year... let's see. (btw that can be Guru Purnima in India or the US since my Guru has schools all over the world).

Essentially it's time for a time-out from the world and time to focus on me and do the stuff I had wanted to do when I came to India. So I am taking the time to learn some of the best things India has to offer the world- its philosophers and music. It's not going to be easy, a lot of people don't understand or get it, but I am ultimately putting 100% trust in myself and inner voice, which is connected to the soul of the universe. Everything will go from there. "Everything is clearer when you are in love" and I am in love- with myself, with music and with the world, so the doors will keep opening when it is meant to be.

So that's the current life and times of Heena Patel. I'm happy and continually marveling at the way the universe works, it really is kya baat hai.

[June 12] Reflection on a year

2007-06-25T14:17:00.001+05:30

Note: this is a really random piece of writing. Just writing the words that are moving in head, not really thinking about sentence structure or whether it not makes sense to a reader. It’s thought coming down onto paper (or a laptop screen). Take it as you please.

From the moment a soul is created to the moment that it merges back into the Infinite. The number of times it is born and dies, the number of breaths it takes each time and then of course the souls that is crosses paths with.

I look back at the year and can only marvel at the kamaal of this world and the one who has fashioned it all. As I too have started say saying thanks to the influence of tabla class, kya baat! It is truly a marvel.

One year and 2.5 months ago, I made a decision to trust the universe and its been quite a journey on the path that I have set out on. Really incredible, full of “miracles” and “coincidences”, markers and milestones.

Really quickly into being here, there was the STRONG period of negativity, why am I at this organization, how can something like this be happening, etc, etc. The emotional conversation with Jayeshmama, the tears and removal of doubt. The affirmation that I would not stray from the path because when I begin to veer there are people who will bring me back.

When I graduated, I was sad, well sad is not the right word, but def feeling some remorse about leaving. Not because I would be leaving my friends, because that was inevitable and something that even on a subconscious level I was aware of. Our four years were up and we were going to continue on creating our own destinies and would always stay connected with the certain few. But because I would be physically distancing myself from the people who were my inspiration to trust the universe and through whom I was starting to learn about the path of self-discovery and service. Nipun and Guri were and are such inspirations to me and within those few weeks, I gained so much from their support, stories and words of wisdom. I was moving away physically from the CF group whom I was just starting to get to know.

Soon after I got to India, I realized that I was not left to fend for myself on this journey. From the Bay, I was transported to Manav Sadhna and the hands of Jayeshmama and Anarmami. In them, I found incredible mentors and of course the Manav Sadhna love was more than I could imagine. Just being allowed to be in the space and witness its daily miracles has been a blessing.

Floods came and went, more stories, more experiences, more sharing, more growth. For positive growth to occur of course, negativity must come out. And another period of strong negative energy began, this time confined more to the home than work space. I distinctly remember the conversation with Sonia at Safai Vidhyalay that raised my awareness about the energy field I was emitting. Soon on the heels of that conversation, came the Akanksha retreat and a clear experience of selfless service (as I realized in retrospect). I rode the wave of positive energy that came after for a while.

Few weeks later, I headed south to Tirupati, etc with ESI. I did not realize it then, but many things were in the works in the universe that centered around events and experiences that occurred on this trip. Unaware of the change, but noted by those around me, when I returned from southern India, I was unburdened some.

Right after the Southern India trip, my family arrived and many changes occurred. I was able to deepen relationships with my brother and sister. For the second time in our adult lives, we were able to spend some quality time together, just the three of us. As my family saw my work, the space in which I lived and moved, the understanding between us all grew. Face to face conversations with loved ones after 6 months were more meaningful, we had all grown and importantly, while seeing and experience my life here, I could better explain the stage I was in.

Family left and simultaneously new volunteers arrived and with them came the wave of music and the start of my musical journey. Balaji’s guitar filled the atmosphere with a love for music, Laxmi’s guitar motivated me to act on a desire I too had when coming to India (to take up dance or an instrument) and when the February batch of volunteers came, my world began to sing and move the sound of music. Anjali had mentioned learning tabla in lieu of kathak and my lack of follow-up on kathak led me to start tabla. As I sit here today, I realize that this instrument had always been in the blood. All those moments of my fingers moving as I listen to songs, always thinking at random moments that its cool. BUT I can never say that I always had a burning desire to learn tabla, yes the desire to learn has def crossed my mind on several occasions, but it was never on the forefront. This time it was a comment of Anj’s that sounded cool, that made me think okay kathak or tabla. And I ended up at Rhythm Riders, where another world emerged.

The February volunteers came and went, but the music lived on. The support I have received from the house (Sonia and Anchal and the feb volunteers) that pushed me to keep it up, Jagatbhai’s continual support, it all made a difference.

With the February volunteers, also came a period of deeper personal understanding, revealing conversations and opening up of closed doors. From sharing, came forgiveness. Telling of each experience, fully experiencing it and releasing oneself from it.

March came and went and with April came the All in One project and a month of non-stop rehearsals and of course the amazing chance to choreograph a really cool piece. With the month conclusion came a period of great confusion. Who am I? What makes me tick? Where do I want to go in life?

On All in One’s heels, came Vartik’s wedding and the turbulence of going or not going to Mann Sarovar. Mann Sarovar. Conversations where I received support and invaluable advice, the feeling of the blessings from afar and a personal reaffirmation of faith in the universe, something that was becoming a bit shaky amidst the confusion. Many brought new light and reminders to be patient, trust and enjoy the ride.

And now June is half done. I don’t know where the path leads, but I am blessed to have it connect with those of so many powerful souls. A year ago, I left home not knowing where the path will end and I can’t say now that I know much more, but there is greater awareness and there has been much growth. There is an energy within me and purpose for which I have been born. The signs will direct me as I move along the path. When I look back along the journey so far, I can only marvel at it’s (it being the universe) work.

So many lives, so interconnected. Who knows what our relation was before? Think about each soul and its lives. Each intersection it has with another soul, from its creation to its enlightenment and the thousands of births in between. Jayeshmama, Nipun, Guri, Sonia, Guruji, Anchal, Ankur, Laxmi, my family, all these people who come and go, these “people” are the not the ones who have changed the course of my life, but rather are the milestones and instruments through which the universe has directed my life on its course. And this is only my life… Each person’s life, each person’s interaction with another person, already figured out. It’s all in the master plan, the crossing of my life with yours, yours with your neighbour’s, yours neighbour’s with their employer’s, their employer’s with their relative, their relative’s with their dog, the dog’s with the bird on the tree outside, the bird’s with the worm in the earth, the worm with the bacteria in the mud and it goes on and on and on. All figured out. That is one heck of a master plan.

When I look back at the year I can’t help but marvel and this is but one year of the life on the path… When I think about the larger picture that I fit into, I can’t help but marvel.

Thanks universe for looking out. And I def got to hand it to you.

Sachi mein. Kya baat hai.

Mann Sarovar and Kailash Yatra

2007-06-25T14:16:00.000+05:30

Om Namah Shivay Om Namah Shivay
Har Har Bole Namah Shivay

The song of the moment, the song of the yatra

I resisted, resisted till the last. Ultimately, the will was powerless against the will of that which is much greater than I, yet encompasses “I”. You gotta marvel at the way God works. I remember the moment mom called and asked. Outside of tabla class, I quickly said yes without really thinking. I didn’t even know what Mann Sarovar was. It was an impulse, but really with retrospection something else said yes. Two weeks prior something told me I shouldn’t go to Bangalore with MS, so after signing me and mom up, I cancelled and instead signed up for Vipassana, which too was replaced. Mount Kailash, the abode of Shiva was to be the destination…

That was until a week before the trip; when I tell my parents that I am not going… A five hour conversation with my parents in Canada ensued, with me ultimately begrudgingly, yet out of my own will saying I would go.

I made it to Kathmandu, but I can’t say I was really there.

Day 2 Kathmandu: the Nepali agent comes to tell us that our trip has been delayed and our return date to India was uncertain.

Are you kidding me? I had so much to look forward when I got back, I can’t get delayed in getting back to Ahmedabad…

The agent goes on to the talk about the yatra. The trip to Kailash is dreamed by many, but realized by few. There is something that calls devotees to the place. It is a difficult journey based on faith. Your faith ultimately determines you journey and your experiences.

Here I was, going because I had. Still not really knowing where I was going besides of course the obvious that I was going to Shankar’s abode. I wasn’t going with any internal conviction to see the home of the Divine. The Divine instead had called and I was with great internal resistance coming.

As the guide spoke, I couldn’t help but feel that my lack of presence was playing a role in the way plans were panning out. If I was going without faith, how was this journey going to occur or occur smoothly.

Heena, you need to be here. You are in Kathmandu and are going to Kailash. Go with resistance or be here and enjoy these moments.

Deep breath… am going to attempt to be here.

Day 1, Arrival in Kathmandu: Check into the hotel and visit nearby shops, lots of handicraft shops and even a Gandhian org that works with women and children and produces textiles and paper crafts. Make a list of things to buy for people on my return

Day 2: Sight seeing in Bhaktapur and Patan. Beautiful cities and temples. Visit the temple of Pashupatinath. Om namah shivay in on automatic pilot in the head and on the lips.

Day 3: Morning in Kathmandu before we head to Dhulikel where we are put into a 5 star hotel overlooking the valley. Gorgeous view. I roam nearby and end up hanging out with a bunch of kids. We play stella ella ola, thumper and slide. Lots and lots of fun.

Day 4: Sitting on the plateau overlooking the valley, I finally here the voices calling me from the hotel, the buses from Kathmandu had arrived, time to leave. We drive through the mountains of Nepal, gorgeous greenery, reminded me lots of Yosemite and drives towards Kedarnath and Badrinath. End up in Kodari, the border crossing point into Tibet/Nepal. Our passports have yet to arrive from Nepal and when they do the Chinese border is closed (3 hour time difference!) so we spend in the night in Kodari. In the evening I had a LOT of fun helping serve the group that was traveling with us from Hyderabad and the rest of our group. Reminded me of serving at Seva Café which I haven’t done in a LONG time.

Day 5: Cross the border into China. After immigration and customs, we get into jeeps and drive towards Nyalam, the first high altitude stop on our route at 3500 ft. The drive is fairly smooth and we quickly move out of green mountains into rocky and barren land. We spend the night in Nyalam. Abhinav Uncle knew about a Buddhist temple nearby, which is really nice. A scene I will not forget is when the cars first stop for a pee break. All around, men had their backs to the line of 15 jeeps, peeing away without a car, while the women all stayed in the car…

Day 6: The hardest day of the trip. From 3500 ft we climb to 5000 ft and drop back down to 4300 ft to land in the city of Saga. Me being so smart, decided not to take Diamox, medication for altitude sickness until I really needed it, but it should be taken the day before big altitude changes, so I end up having a non-stop headache and nausea, which prevents me from really enjoying the scenery and waiting for Saga. En route is Shiva Tal, a beautiful blue lake. Some memorable moments include 5-6 land cruiser driving across the plateau at one time, feeding the animals wherever we stop and the amazing contrasts in the landscape- from the step terraces to barren lands with small clusters stopping the land here and there to the sands of Jaisalmar with snow-capped mountains in the background. Again I am wish I could remember my geology class as I see the beautiful shades of minerals in the land. In Saga, we thankfully had really a really nice hotel (saga hotel) with no central heating, but hot water, clean beds and attached bathrooms versus the common bathroom between 60 people we had the day before. As soon I got to the hotel, I jumped into bed and tried to doze off, but the headache would not go away. The internal struggle with God began, resulting in my ultimately taking on his challenge. I’m here, I had faith, you have brought me here for a reason for which I am grateful. I will not go back and trust. After some throwing up and a hot shower, it was bed time, knowing the morning would bring a brighter day.

Day 7: Day three of travel. Again most of the driving is done on the plateaus, this time we stop in one of the clusters for dinner and I get a lesson in always remembering to feed the black dogs. Sanitation facilities continue to be a problem while traveling, but we have a good driver. When we told me we needed to pee, he would make it a point to spot in places where there is a mound of dirt so some place where we could answer nature’s call away from the view of other stopped or driving vehicles. It is our first night in mud houses. There is a toilet (a hole over a large pit) with walls on all sides, away from the view others, clean and not that smelly. I get a chance to hang out with more of the fellow travelers, learning some valuable lessons and sharing experiences growing up and living in North America. It was great to be able to talk out some of the internal confusion. At night the stars were stunning, so close by.

Day 8: Mann Sarovar. You climb up the hill and driver circles around a large pole with prayer flags eminating like rays in all directions before he comes to a halt. Just below the large plateau a crystal blue lake stood in front of us. Om Namah Shivay Om Namah Shivay Har Har Bole Namah Shivay. We had made it to Mann Sarovar. After doing initial darshan of the holy lake, we begin our parikrama (by car), stopping to have lunch on the banks of mann sarovar, where we dip our hands for the first time in the waters, with Kailash showing clearly in the background. Our parikrama takes us by Rakshas Tal, the home of the dark side of Mount Kailash (now not so dark, since due to an animal made tunnel, water from Mann Sarovar have entered into Rakshas or Ravan Tal). The hotels on the banks of Mann Sarovar are booked, so we end up spending the night in tents on the banks. Not a big deal for me, but quite problematic for all the uncles and aunties who had never been in a tent, let alone in such cold weather (the winds were super strong and cold). As night falls, the wind begin to let us and the stunning night emerges with stars covering the canvas overhead, but it was only twelve. The stars would not come to take a dip in Mann Sarovar until 3am. We end up hanging in the jeep until 12ish (under the cover of our sleeping bags) before deciding to retire and wake up it is meant to be at 3am. I awake from my sleep as I hear Aunty and Uncle stir beside me. It’s 330am. I head out into the cold and find Mahesh Uncle wrapped under a sleeping bag staring at the lake and sky. The formerly clear night has turned into one full of clouds and only a few stars were in sight. We stop a few that began sparkling, from the left to straight ahead, three formed a triangle. The one across the lake began some downward movement. As I focused ahead, knowing that it would not take a dip, but nonetheless was moving, the star turned into a lingam and began rotating around the vertical axis. Then it began to snow. Wetness. One of the three things to AVOID when camping in cold weathers. Gathering our sleeping bags, we headed back to our tents around 430am.

Day 9: New morning, new day. The sun rose ever so beautifully over the lake, sharing its splendor and heat with those below. After helping pack up camp, it was time to move to the base of Kailash, 40 km away. The snow fall from the night before spelt bad news – the parikrama of Mount Kailash (which is done on foot) would not be possible. The schedule regardless was to start the parikrama the next day so we ended up just hanging out in the hotel. The hotel was more like a concrete tent, a step better than the tents we were in, but the sanitation facilities were horrendous. As you walked outside the hotel complex, you couldn’t help but notice the open defecation EVERYwhere you looked. The toilets smelled so bad that I didn’t even bother going inside. One purpose of the walk outside the compound was actually also to identify a place for defecation the next morning. On the positive side, the views were beautiful, you could see the stunning snow-capped mountain ranges and when it began semi-clear for a few minutes the next day, Mount Kailash was visible also. You had to admire the persistence of the Tibetan women (and few men) who came to the hotel selling their handicrafts, determination is most definitely necessary.

Day 10: Stuck in the “hotel” Snow fall meant no parikrama as it meant the situation higher up was worse than the conditions where we were. There was very poor visibility in the morning due to the snowfall. In the afternoon, around three, the sun emerged and great visibility. Frustrations built as we wanted to go explore things nearby, but the drivers and cars were no where to be found. A theme that occurred during the trip was frustrations with the way the trip was being handled by the company. The next complex of rooms behind us had attached bathrooms, while our rooms had the common outdoors, poorly kept toilets. Of course, foreigners were staying in the rooms with attached bathrooms. When we arrived to the base camp of Kailash, a tour group was leaving and we were told that 10 ppl attempted the parikrama of which 5 died, whether or not this is true we are not sure. But the group of 48 from Hyderabad that was traveling along side us took the decision to head back down on this day as a few were getting sick. We were told that a few of the elders were having difficulty breathing and were on oxygen all night, on our way down when we reconnected, we found out that they were only on oxygen for 2 hours and that many weren’t sick. But these were all tactics to scare people and motivate them to want to leave sooner (which ultimately results in savings for the tour operator). Def some very questionable statements were made to us and the other group while on the trip.

Day 11: Fortunately, our tour guide, it was his first time working with Satyam, had a good heart and was trying his best despite having his hands restrained by the company to make the best of the situation. So unlike the other groups who came up the Kailash at the same time as us and were also unable to parikrama, we were atleast taken to Yama Dwar, the location where the parikrama of Kailash begins. This location has a lot of significance for Buddhists also and on Buddha Purnima (which happened to be a few days away) all the lamas in Tibet gather at this location and the prayer flags are replaced. A mini Kailash stands next to the prayer flags and it is said that if you cannot do Kailash parikrama, then parikrama of mini Kailash is still valid. In the distance lay a hill with a flat plateau at the top. This is the location where the Buddhist cut up their dead and leave the pieces for vultures and dogs. From Yama Dwar (the Gate of Death) you could the see the path that wraps its way around the holy mountain. We stopped and paid our respects. From Yama Dwar, we went to Ashtapad. The cars went over a half frozen river to get there. The previous day, the clouds had not let up over Kailash, preventing us from an extended darshan from the hotel, but today as soon as we reached, the cloud parted and sun shone brightly. In its full form stood Nandi and Mount Kailash in front of us. We had beautiful darshan for a good half an hour. Two to three times during this time, the shadows of the clouds fell upon Kailash in the shape of Aum and slowly rose to the peak of Kailash. We were at the closest point Mount Kailash. At this location, it is said that if you build a house of rocks that you will get a home. After quenching our thirst for darshan, we headed back to the hotel. The sun was shining, it was the perfect time for a dip in Mann Sarovar. After lunch, which took about an hour, we drove the 40km to the holy lake. By this time, the wind had begun to pick and sun was on the descent. With the last rays of sunlight lighting up the spot where we parked beside the lake, most of us took the plunge in the cold cold water. It took over a half an hour for my toes to regain proper feeling. A lot of respect to Abhinav Uncle who dunked himself around 20 times in the lake and also to the staff who spent over an hour filling container after container of water for us all. After bathing, the Jaipur travelers performed a haven on the banks of the lake, by this time the sun’s rays no longer reached over the large hill behind us and the wind was even stronger. Upon returning to the hotel, we all warmed up with Bournvita and/or chai. The next day was Mom’s birthday and Gurudev had been planning since the day he found out it was to be her birthday during the trip. At midnight, we all went to Gurudev’s room, where he had saved the best mithai for the occasion. Suresh Uncle had saved FerroRoche chocolate also. Mom gave out chocolates and Baba’s prasad. It was truly Mom’s good fortune to be able to celebrate her birthday like this, as Baba’s disciples told us, Swami doesn’t participate in worldy activities, but he took special interest in celebrating this birthday. Also we were in the holy grounds of Kailash and Mann Sarovar for the date.

Day 12: In the morning we packed up quickly as we had a LONG drive ahead of us. We were going to cut a day of travel and go straight to Saga, where we had the hotel with attached bathrooms and hot water. The drive really took a lot out of us. When we got to Saga, the hotel (Saga Hotel) was completely booked so they put us in a hotel across the street. They did not plan the sanitation facilities well for the space and I believe did not put in an exhaust pipe for the sewage, which lead to the formation of very bad odors in the bathrooms. There was no hot water, but Vikas Uncle was determined to have a hot shower and found a shower shop. 10 yuen for 15 minute shower. A hot shower def took away some of the tiredness.

Day 13: Another long day of driving. Over 350 people were descending from Mount Kailash while hundreds more were climbing because of Buddha Purnima which was two days later. This meant accommodations were packed and the crossing the border could take a long time. So we decided to stop right at the border with plans to get in line before the group of 200 the following morning. The drive was another long drive, particularly because we were stopped at a roadblock for 3 hours and then stuck in lots of traffic. While we waited for the roadblock to open, I was hanging out with Vikas Uncle, Abhinav Uncle and Vamshi in their jeep, while my land cruiser was first in line. When the block went up, I didn’t make it to my jeep and it didn’t stop… I jumped into another one of our jeeps until we caught up with my vehicle in Nyalam.
Day 14: After chai, we were in line for immigration. Long lines of land cruisers and pilgrims could be found at the road block. We cleared customs quickly and waited for our land cruisers to come across. After saying adieu to our land cruisers, we entered back into Nepal via the friendship bridge at Kodari, where we had bfast and found out that the handbag of one of our fellow travelers was lost. Several phone calls and a few hours later, the bag was returned and we proceeded towards Kathmandu. The travel company sent a bus for 16, while there were 18 pilgrims and a staff of 5 in the group. Slightly cramped, we made our way down through the beautiful, lush green mountains of Nepal. I def would want to go back with my Cal Engineers for a month where we would trek, go white water rafting, etc in the great outdoors of Nepal. It would be lots of fun. The scenery at times reminded me of Yosemite. TBPers- whenever I do outdoors stuff, I think of you all very fondly. Zack’s teachings about backpacking came in handy and of course all the experiences of camping trips helped on this journey. In the evening, we reached Kathmandu and said our farewells. Very few of us had our return tickets finalized, but it was likely to be the last we would see of each other for a while.

The trip had its ups and downs, def learned lots about the wonderfulness of travel agents who are out to earn as much as possible and capitalize on the pilgrim’s sentiments. Like with all other religious yatras, tour companies had sprouted up to facilitate the process for pilgrims. Unlike Chote Char Dham (Badri-Kedarnath, Yamnotri, Gangotri), Kailash is not a yatra that can be done independently, but there def are certain tour companies that are better than others. Satyam Travels, the agent that we ended up with via via three other agents is NOT RECOMMENDED. You could tell that they were doing all that was possible to save costs, even at the expense of the comfort of their travelers. On such a difficult yatra, the lack of sanitation facilities can really break down the morale and a few comments here and there can most definitely make people want to leave. One of the uncles on the trip was saying how a friend had actually warned him that we would not be doing the parikrama of Kailash as many travel companies somehow or another convince the group otherwise. For us, snow was a valid reason (though on the third day at base camp when we went to Yama Dwar, the location where the parikrama actually begins, we saw a group of foreigners being led on the trek….) It was blessing to have Baba on the trip. Out of all those that went to Kailash when we did, no one got the wonderful darshan of Kailash and Nandi as we did and few even when to Yama Dwar. Baba’s presence and blessings played a large role in us getting the most that was possible from the trip.

Of course, the trip wouldn’t have been complete without the countless conversations with Abhinav Uncle (thank you for your insights and advice), Vikas Uncle (who is always great for a laugh and conversations about toilets ;) and Vamshi (the only other person my age on the trip). There were LOTS of conversations about toilets (naturally) and it goes without saying, internal reflection and growth.

Personal note on me and yatra:
A season for all, a time for everything.

I can only bow my head in gratitude when I think about how the universe literally forced me on this yatra. End of April/May was a period of great confusion (which still persists, but in a different way now…) and frustration. My patience has been growing thin as the path has not emerged. But through the internal struggles of the yatra and encouraging conversations, my faith in the universe was re-established. At Yama Dwar, I surrendered myself again to the higher forces. At Mann Sarovar, I threw four minds in the lake (in the form of pearls) and left with a firm resolve to trust. A burden was cast off during the yatra, lighter and with full faith I move forward again. The period of confusion, in a different form now, is to be rough the confusion with lots of patience, love and humility.

Quick Update

2007-05-19T17:36:00.000+05:30

Hello all

Quick update:

April was a busy busy month. I was diverted from the Service on Wheels project to help out with Manav Sadhna's ALL IN ONE project. A project that brought together Hindu and Muslim children post riot to share their views on religious harmony. Over the course of two years the youth produced a play, writing the dialogues and song lyrics. At the end of April, they had a huge show at Tagore Hall with lights, newly composed music and a dance. A youth in the project, Bharat (who was also part of the Ekta team that went to the US in 2002) and I choreographed the dance and I was an actor in the show due to last minute need. We had great great fun and youth are amazing, it you want to see harmony, watch them hen they are just hanging out.

initial part of May was spent catching up on Service on Wheels work before Vartik (rohitkaka's son) got married in Ahmedabad. Now Im out of India for three weeks travelling to Mann Sarovar, Mount Kailash (in Tibet) with my mom. Time to spend some quality moments with nature. Currently in Kathmandu leaving for the Chinese/Tibet border in a day.

Pretty blessed... three major jatras in 11 months; Char Dham, Tirupati/Rameshwaram and now Kailash.

be back in a few weeks to share stories and pictures
love
heena

the beat that goes on

2007-04-23T12:21:00.001+05:30

You sing me a song
I know not the tune
But the body and mind sway
Left right
Left right
Sway

The tune stirs not a memory
But a feeling a joy
The beat draws up a rhythm
Where have I heard this before
Or have i

I know yet cannot decipher
Its is something innate
Yet lost
Perhaps because it is so known
Known to the soul

The beat comes alive
In the hands of the drummer
Each sound resonates with vibrancy
With care
With emotion
With hope and potential

On it goes
Permeating the being
Straight to the root
The root or the soul
The soul or the root
The place where it all begins
And it all ends
The consciousness
Subconscious consciousness I suppose
(or is it a consciousness at all?)

No end
No start
Simply a cycle that goes on and on
Each beat join the next
Each bol alive on its own
Yet realized with each other

You sing me a song
I know not the tune
Or is it my imagination
Is it really something I already know.

Where has she disappeared

2007-04-12T13:07:00.001+05:30

You ask where she went
I don’t really know
You see some time ago
The energy subdued
The enthusiasm dimmed
It evaporated, dissipitated, went up on a whim
But wait doesn’t make sense
It couldn’t disappear, it’d have to transform
To the conservation of matter, we must conform
The energy has changed and moved
Exchanged its shape for another one or two

You see glimpses now
Of who I used to be
A little bit here, or there, or there
When you think you see it all
Poof, its gone in thin air
The magic
The joy
Its shifted to a space that’s not so public at all

The energy ‘s transforming
Whirling and whirling
Creation, re-creation can be seen everywhere
The new shape, new face, new image
Each blurs into the other,
The final face has yet to take form

Form, colour, codes and numbers
Shifting and shifting
Whirling and whirling
Where has she gone you ask
I do not know

I didn’t even know she was missing
Or did I and not desire to acknowledge it
Did I see that she was missing
And not know what to do

What point to hold on to sand as it pours from the hand
Feel the texture of the change
Get lost in the moment of that

It was meant to be
Inevitable
But do come back and share
The laughter, the joy, the carefree oblivion
When pessimism sets me in
Do remind me one more
Of those moments of freedom
When something filled the air

The laughter the joy the freedom
Why is it not something we can all share?

8 months later

2007-03-23T15:43:00.000+05:30

Dearest friends,

Every time I sit to write, I think back to when I last wrote and can't help but feel a it overwhelmed by the amount of experiences I have had and more importantly the task (though task really is not the right word) of writing it all down. Sonia tells me I should write everyday, which I should, but writing takes a LOT of time, I've learned. It's all about the balancing act. When you seem to find it, something comes to tip it to one side. I want to share all that has happened, yet the question becomes how. Its been a lot easier for example with my brother and sister since they have seen it, meet the people and felt the love and environment I am in, nonetheless, you're not seeing doesn't deter me from the effort, but rather motivates me to put it all down so I can truly share my world and my life, which is wholly supported by the love and encouragement that each of you are sending me from all over the world. These emails are novels, I agree, they are by no means written in one sitting, so take breaks in reading! =)

Turn on your music and if you have the song "Jiya Dhadak Dhadak" from the movie "Kaalyug", listen to it. It'll transport you to the space that I am in. It's been the theme song for the last two months.

So the last two months:

We'll let's start with the present (which now at the moment of typing is now 1.5 weeks ago). I am in Varanasi/Benares/Kashi, the oldest city in India, for my roommate Anchal's engagement. We missed the train (which wasn't my fault) and caught a flight to Delhi from where we made the rest of journey by train with Laxmi and Sonia, who Krupa, Anchal and I met up with. I'm traveling with my tablas, which can be a pain, but they have become such a big part of my life, that tablas are not a burden, but my tablas. One week without practicing would be really hard.

I spent Holi and Duleti with the MS (Manav Sadhna) gang in the Narmada Valley. Great great weekend. Played duleti with coloured powder outside a Shiva temple that is from the Puranas time, where we also sang bhajans. Singing bhajans (devotional songs) at this temple is a fond memory because I was able to share this with Virenmama who is a very devoted Shaivite (Shiva devotee). We played duleti (covering each other with coloured powder) along the banks and in the Narmada river. Holi is the festival of colour and is celebrated with a huge fire on the night of Holi and with colour fights on the day of Duleti (after Holi). We did a lot of masti (mischief) and ate lots. We got to see the inside of the hydroelectric plant in the dam and WHOA are dams huge! As for my views on the Sardor Sarovar dam itself, they are continually evolving as I meet different people and learn more about it. (the dam interestingly enough is the reason I decided to do environmental engineering emphasis and became so interested in water and sanitation).

The month of February was international volunteering month at MS, meaning that we had an influx of volunteers from the US and UK who came to serve for the month. We had 8 female volunteers. We moved out of the ashram house (Jayeshmama's old home in the Gandhi Ashram itself, used by the female volunteers) in early January because of renovations to the home. (As I write I realize that I have not shared pictures of the most basic places in my life, namely the ashram house, MS, ESI, Safai Vidhylay, which I will be doing shortly). We moved into the dormitories of Safai Vidhyalay (I believe my blog has a posting on all the organizations, how they are related, etc). Moving to Safai was a great experience. The day we moved in Safai, Laura (or "mom" as she is called by hundreds), a Be the Cause volunteer who came on a service vacation to MS last year, moved into Safai also. Laura, amongst other things, is an extremely loving, huggable mom, who is spreading seeds of love wherever she goes. Literally she is a mom to everyone. The dorm brought us all closer together for many reason. The atmosphere really seemed to change. Part of it is the strength of the space itself, Safai being the karmabhoomi (land of action) for some many powerful people, part it being that every new visitor/volunteer (Guri's friend Sandy from Cali, an Australian woman named Linda that Sandy met on her travels, Maria from Alaska) brought a new energy of positivity to the space. And then there is the fact we were all in one space. Very powerful connections were created in that space. In the first two weeks, Snehal arrived from for 6 weeks, Sandy and Linda for 4 days, Maria for 2 weeks. It was the beginning of daily 11pm chats to catch up on the day and each others' experiences. A few weeks later, Krupa from Cali, Binisha and Ekta from the UK and of course Laxmi from the UK was still with us. A blurb on each of these fabulous females below is on my blog for those interested. The ritual of daily chai (made wonderfully by Ramanbhai) and Parle-G's and hanging out with ESI sevaks (Nareshbhai, Govindbhai, Laxmiben, Jayantikaka, Ramanbhai) had begun as soon we got to Safai. The staff lavished us with love.

The last two months have flown by. I moved back to the ashram home with a bathroom that looks like its from a really nice hotel and Safai Vidhyalay's dormitory is bare. I returned from Benares and the volunteers were gone. Krupa left last night. It's me and Anchal and Sonia in the house, but Sonia too leaves for Mexico at the end of the month. No more 8 girls living together (until the summer I guess). This week since I've gotten back has been of internalizing and focusing more on myself and my work, which has its own advantages

The volunteers have been an experience in itself. Specifically the women I lived with. Observing teaches you so much, I realize time and time again when I actually observe. Each volunteer comes for a different reason and from a different space. To watch them as they go through their own process over the course of the month or months that they are here is very very powerful. I see the struggles that I had when I started and watch them encounter things I have no yet experienced. Each volunteer teaches you something about yourself. Laxmi and Krupa didn't really want to come to their last prathna because that's when everyone talks about your good qualities and shares their appreciation. It is their humbleness that makes them uncomfortable in such a situation, but on the other side I see the reason for the practice to be different. This gundarshan (viewing of good qualities) is very powerful for the listeners and sharers because it allows us to reflect upon what we have learned from that individual, making it more easy to internalize those lessons. Also it is a moment of inspiration as we reflect upon the qualities of the person in ourselves and find the motivation to develop those skills in ourselves. We have an example to look to, which makes it easier to hone that skill.

Two things are the focal points my life. Music and the Service on Wheels project. A small thing on both are below , more on it is on my blog .

Music
Music has taken on a new dimension in my life and I'm loving it. Listening to great music, singing and playing tabla are staple activities in my life now. Music is infusing every part of my body and soul and in the process making me more in turn to the music of the universe. Tabla is particular is something I am really doing for myself. It is my grounding. I am so blessed to have the Guruji I have – Pandit Divyang Vakil. Guruji not only is an accomplished musician, but more importantly he is extremely personable. He is a philosopher and I love the conversations I have with him. Music is intricately linked to spirituality and Guruji has a strong understanding of both. I always look forward to classes.

Music is something that is felt by so many here. The people at the home (the volunteers) and MSers are so supportive of my musical pursuit which makes is easier to overcome challenges and find the motivation to stay focused and practice.

Service on Wheels
The service on wheels project is Virenmama, Jayeshmama and Anarmami's 16 year old dream project- to have a van that will travel in the villages doing service work. Their dream is finally coming through. ESI is creating a Service on Wheels van that will travel the villages of Gujarat doing 5 day camps in each. We aim to provide information and motivation focusing on five topics: water sanitation, health, addiction and education, specifically female education; the underlying theme for the project is empowerment, to empower villagers to take their future in their own hands.

The van is being designed by Prakashbhai Vani (graduate of the first batch of students from the National Institute of Design) and his team at Playtpus Labs. I am the project coordinator, in addition to being responsible for developing the IEC (information, education, communication) material for the van. Which entails giving ESI's existing material a facelift and additional punch by incorporating new technologies and gathering and creating the materials for the other exhibitions. Panels, games, presentations, the works on each topic. I am working with an animation designer, Sakshi, who is student at the National Institute of Design (NID).

The project is quite a bit of work and on a tight detail, which means running, but that is completely okay. It is nice to have a focus and good to have a reason to not jump from one thing to another since I have a large load with this project itself. I'm having tons of fun working with Sakshi, its awesome to have someone my age to work with and I'm learning loads about what good and effective IEC. Toilets of course are a lot of fun and we have seen quite a variety of scenes as we have been taking pictures in villages for our panels and animated film. In fact, I've even had to go on a hunt for newly made defecation, which surprisingly wasn't so difficult to find, even though it was almost 11am.

Creating effective IEC material is most definitely a challenge, especially since I have not spent much time in villages, but I have lots of great resources. I did an overnight stay in a village called Haripura, which was great fun and just reinforced the idea that has been at the back of my head about village life being the life, so much more grounded and organic. Then you see the villages that aren't so clean, don't have as much prosperity and wonder where the middle ground all is. Something about the village definitely resonates somewhere inside, my understanding it, we'll its all a process.

In all, I'm happy. I'm enjoying the ups and downs. It's very powerful space to be in when you can recognize the ups and downs and be somewhat equanimous during the downs in particular.

There have been some great discussions, lots of thoughts continually evolving, and such the journey continues.

I've been trying to find my own balance and after getting inspiration from 2 Daily Good emails 2 months apart, have been really good about keeping a daily gratitude list, most of which are posted online. They give a small glimpse into my day. It seems to be working atleast in that I end my days on a good note since I write my list before going to bed. That and listening to some good music makes sleep so much more peaceful.

Another novel now comes to an end. For those that made it through, kudos to you.

With lots of love, good wishes and gratitude
Heena

Music and Me

2007-03-20T13:04:00.001+05:30

When I returned from Mumbai in January, a volunteer named Balaji, student at MIT, came to MS for two weeks through Project Ahimsa with a goal doing music related work. He didn’t join in on a music program at MS, since at current there is a standstill, but that didn’t stop him from sharing the music. At Seva Café and MS, he strummed away on his guitars, lifting hearts with the notes in his songs. He infused more music into Manav Sadhna, providing Laxmi with additional inspiration, reminded Sandeepbhai of his previous guitar endeavours. His smile and enthusiasm of course made him even more loved. The girls at Safai took a trip to Sarkhej Roza, which Balaji joined us on. In the MS car, he pulls out his guitar and all of sang and listened as we made our way across town. The ripple effect of Balaji’s presence still persist. Laxmi and him pushed me towards taking up Kathak or tabla, tabla winning out. Sunilbhai considered the violin and has decided on the flute, under Ankur’s influence. Sandeepbhai and Sikhander are learning guitar. The ripples continue.

For me, music has taken on a whole new dimension in life. Bharatbhai left Manav Sadhna for a teaching post at Gurukul, so prathna was empty without his singing. Soon after he left, Laura came to MS and that day, Virenmama asked if anyone wanted to sing. Be the influence of Balaji, the presence and love emitted by Laura or this bhajan being remembered from the time Akanksha students came for the retreat, the desire to sing emerged. I didn’t sing that day, but the next day at Saturday prathna. The response was powerful. During college, when I would talk and listen to Shalin and Trent with their singing pursuits, the desire to sing would come up. Some point along the way, I stopped singing because of my deep voice, but that began to get replaced with an appreciation for its “uniqueness”.

So singing began. Every week, a bunch of the MS staff always encourages me to sing a bhajan. From there, remembering old ones and learning the words of new bhajans has been spurned. I now sing randomly to myself and yes, listen to songs and practice while listening to the song. Having Jagatbhai to play the tablas as accompaniment makes singing so enjoyable and I look forward to singing at prathna. I got sick while in Benaras, which has left my voice hoarse or inaudible for a week or so, my first thought when I got sick was that I wouldn’t be able to sing.

Tablas. It’s been two months since I have begun tabla and I haven’t looked back. I love it. Tablas keep me grounded and is something that is just for me. I am so blessed to have the Guruji I have – Pandit Divyang Vakil. Guruji not only is an accomplished musician, but more importantly he is extremely personable. He is a philosopher and I love the conversations I have with him. Music is intricately linked to spirituality and Guruji has a strong understanding of both. Classes are a lot of fun. The teachers are very cool people. Music is their grounding. It’s an outlet for me to interact with other people beside those I work with, which is very nice and they are really talented. I always look forward to going to class, well maybe not so much on the days that I haven’t practiced enough… =)

Music is really important to people I work with, particularly Jagatbhai, Krupa, Laxmi and Sonia. When I started tabla, I was practicing on the Manav Sadhna tabla before prathna. Jagatbhai would arrive early in general and just sit while I struggled with the most basic tabla bols. His presence and support have been huge. If I ever think of quitting (knock on wood), the first words that are going to come to mind are jagatbhai saying, “Heenaben, tabla chalu karya che, uve ene chhodata nahi” (Heena, you have started tabla, never leave them). His skills always are an inspiration. One fond memory of Narmada weekend for Holi is hanging out with him and Raju as Rajubhai sang bhajans and Jagatbhai played the tabla. Laxmi, especially has been so encouraging. As I banged away trying to make some noise from the tabla, she’d always listening with a smile and ask how practices are going. Many of the volunteers especially love good music, ghazals, soft music you name it. Their love for music and the contentment they get from listening to music has only pushed me further to bring music more and more into my life.

When we went to Narmada, several people brought music players. From them, I remembered the ipod mom had given me months ago, tucked away in a bag and pulled it out when I got back. Now the ipod, loaded with some great songs, of course Kailasa Kher and the hanuman chaleesa, goes with me everywhere and before bed, its all about listening to soft Indian fusion music.

How dance fits into all of this I am trying to figure out. A wonderful girl (I say girl for people similar in age to me) named Malavika, who is a friend of Ankur’s stopped over in Ahmedabad. She does wonderful pieces of dance theatre that are moving to watch. Seeing her work was very inspirational.

An ode to women of Safai Vidhyalay

2007-03-20T12:53:00.000+05:30

The month of February was in international volunteering month at MS, meaning that we had an influx of volunteers from the US and UK who came to serve for the month. These women each have so much to offer. I learned a lot from living with them all. Here’s an ode to these fabulous women.

The volunteers

Laxmi
It’s really hard to describe Lax because you don’t know where to start. She always has a smile on her face. No matter how many things she is doing, when she talking to you, she’s focused on you. She has taught me so much about dedication and the small things. She didn’t work on any large project, but did all the litte things that can get easily overlooked. Daily tutoring for Raghu and Yogesh in English, spending time with Herama and Kantima in the tekra, two elderly women who bloomed with her companionship and love, tutoring Sandeepbhai for exams, etc. Laxmi took time off between jobs in the UK to come to MS for 3 months to volunteer, I love her dedication to this dream of hers and the perspectives and grounding that she offered me. It was when Laxmi came home with her guitar that I really got the kick that I should start pursuing my other goal of taking up tabla or Kathak while in India. I mean if she could follow up on her dream while her for 3 months, I had already let 6 months pass by. The push to start something came from that day.

Krupa
So I met Krupa last year at Miles for Smiles, a CharityFocus event, where we stood at intersections holding up signs that asked people to smile. The eldest of the volunteer (not counting Laura), Krupa just came with a desire to serve as she waited to hear back from graduate programs. A philosopher at heart, she has a lot of knowledge and is a true seeker of knowledge. She kick started the solid waste management program in the slum, where she installed waste bins in the homes and taught about proper garbage disposal. She’s super meticulous in her work and really gives everything a lot of thought. Krupa’s avid interest in music has been a big force in music becoming a larger part of my life. I learned a lot from watching Krupa and seeing her open up over the course of the month. MS really is a place where you can learn to trust your heart because there is so much love and support.

Snehal
We had quite the myriad of volunteers. Snehal is the first married volunteer that I have met. Her maturity and level-headedness are things that really stick out. It’s what made it so easy to talk to her. She worked primarily with Gramshree teaching classes on mental health. She instantly connected with the women at Gramshree and it was so awesome to see her take such a sincere interest in their lives and well-being. Snehal’s love for animals cannot be forgotten. From the bhes (water buffalos) behind Safai, to the baby bakri (goat) and “jadu padu”, a puppy she nicknamed, at the tekra, her face lit up when talking about her animals. Snehal also came to India with a desire to take intensive Kathak classes. While most people say they want to something like that, they don’t follow up. Snehal did, which helped keep me going in tabla pursuit.

Payal
Hailing from New Jersey, Payal has been at 4-5 months at MS, working both at an organization called Sahyog in Jamalpur and Manav Sadhna (splitting the week between the two). Payal is a model of focus. As it is, it can be hard to focus while working just at MS, but Payal was able to find her focus at both orgs. She’s very focused and organized, continually working away to get whatever needs to be done done. After overcoming the initial hurdles of teaching tuitions, she found a her own of working within the system and left behind great documentation and suggestion for improvements. Despite her persistent cold and other hurdles, she persisted in her work and her own journey.

Binisha
Taking a gap year between high school and college, at the age of 18, Binisha took the leap of faith and came to India on her own to serve for a month and travel, something that takes a lots of guts. You don’t find many high school graduates doing that. Binisha has a ridiculous amount of energy and often reminded me of me a few years ago (tho it seems like YEARS ago when I was 18). She did capacity building work at Utthan and UK marketing work with Gramshree and of course served religiously at Seva Café. She carried her enthusiasm and smile everywhere she went and soaked up everything that was through at her.

Ekta
As with Binisha, coming to India at such a young age to serve is really inspirational. A friend of Binisha’s, hailing from Malawi, studying in the UK, Ekta thought the India trip would be interesting so came. Pretty cool. Ekta’s heart is what draws you to her. She’s full of compassion. She became good friends with the girls in the Young Doctors, youth who don’t get to interact with international volunteers. To hear her talk about the girls, her learnings was really powerful and she even got interested in toilets! Ekta loves to dance and she channeled this energy into teaching the Ashramshala girls dance, even if it was only for 2 weeks. The girls adore Ektadidi and I remember her last class. I was still in Nainaben’s office and hear “disco” music. I look outside and Ekta and all the girls were just jamming to music. You could find Ekta amidst all the girls who were all over her. Ekta also has a beautiful voice and really sings Jiya Dhadak Dhadak Jaye from the heart, making it the theme song of Safai. (she also the one who taught me the words).

Laura
Laura, amongst other things, is an extremely loving, huggable mom, who is spreading seeds of love wherever she goes. Literally she is a mom to everyone. She is a mentor, a great listener and very wise from the heart. Truly working from heart, listening to the voice of the Divine and moving the music of the universe, Laura is an beautiful soul, infusing the universe and people with more love and positive energy.

Sandy
A friend of Guri’s, Sandy was traveling through Asia for over 3 months, technically alone, but of course has found many companions. After Asia, she came into India and wanted to make way to Dharamshala, but didn’t have a travel buddy, when she met Linda (see below) and the two were traveling through India together until either got sick of each other. Sandy came to Asia with a desire to travel, no other set plans and a whole lot of courage and fearlessness. She simply has been following the winds of the universe, with a few places in mind that she wanted to visit. Over 3 months of traveling alone, leaving everything behind on a journey that inevitably teaches one about self. Sandy always had a smile on her face and really took everything in around her. She shared her art of tarot reading (which she just picked up and knew how to do), her wisdom and of course heart with all of us. Inspiring us all to take that journey into the unknown for ourselves. I def got inspired to backpack an unknown part of the world.

Linda
Another woman with a desire to explore the unknown, Linda also set to India to discover its beauty and found its love and depth. It’s takes so much to just pick up and leave without a set time frame of return and the fact that Linda was going to a place that she had no visible ties to is remarkable. Her enthusiasm and desire to do whatever she could in her short time was great to see.

Maria
Her class came to Ahmedabad to take a two week course at Darpana, Maria decided to spend those two weeks volunteering. Armed with experiences in orphanages all over the world, this Alaskan, has seen a lot of the non-so cold parts of the world. The amazing thing about Maria was her willingness to literally do anything that needed to be done. She wasn’t fussed about working in the field, she just wanted to do whatever would be of use to the organization. So she spent learning about our organizations and interacting with beneficiaries through the visits, while

Ankur
Not really a “women at Safai”, but nonetheless needs to mentioned. Last year, Ankur did the Dandi March with zero rupees and two pairs of clothes he made. A world citizen with an Indian soul, Ankur is a powerful soul seeking out truth in the world. A fabulous cook, all about healthy, grounded food, I met Ankur last year two days before he headed back to Washington State where he has started the foundations of an ashram. Ankur is a great listener and has something in him that makes you want to share with him and he plays the flute with great heart. The stories that carries with him from his travels and interactions really reassure you that you are not alone in your journey and experiences.

Of course, a side perk of all these international volunteers is that when I do travel, I have potential travel buddies and of course couches to crash on all over the world ; )

Trusteeship

2007-02-13T14:05:00.001+05:30

The concept of trusteeship is very powerful and I can honesty that that I am only beginning to scratch the surface of what it means. Trusteeship, as I read at Eternal Gandhi, is the idea that those that have much are trustees of what actually belongs to all of the world. Nirali had mentioned this idea to me months back, the idea that all that we have really belongs to the poor, so when we serve, we are giving back to them what is actually there. “It’s a very profound idea,” she said, pausing to allow the thought to sink in. I recognized that there was great depth to the concept, but I did not get it in all honesty. Now I’m beginning to understand.

When one thinks that all that one has belongs to oneself, where does the universe fit into it all. Trusteeship is recognized the communal quality of all that we have. We have love within us to share with all. The joy of sharing food with others far exceeds satisfying solely one’s own palate. When we are trustees, we think of maintaining quality and purity of what we are placed in charge of, we are guardians of what is ultimately not our own.

As trustees, when we give the possessions out, we are giving someone what is rightfully there. So where does that leave us. We become an instrument, a transfer tool. Self-interest disappears from the equation. If we are giving someone what is theirs, we are not “charitable” or compassionate (well compassionate is not the right word, but I’ll leave it for now).

When I was a kid, I remember this one demonstration that I had seen on flow. There was a pipe and balls. The pipe has a certain cross-section which determines the amount of balls that can go through. When you are trying to sending something from left to right and a section of the pipe is partially or fully blocked, the flow becomes impeded. When one gives to receive the benefits of giving, then the same happens, the flow becomes impeded. For the Divine to flow freely, its about making yourself as smooth as possible for the balls to move left to right without any blocks. As an instrument, we give ourselves to a force greater than ourselves, there is no ego involved as we are not giving what is ours, but rather giving someone what is rightfully there’s.

The sense of responsibility grows with the idea of trusteeship as we take greater care of what is not ours. There is a saying that says, ‘we have not inherited this earth from our ancestors, but borrowed it from our children.’ It summarizes the notion of trusteeship. How would you view the world if it was not your own. Nothing remains your right, something on which you can exercise your adhikar and use as you please. It belongs to someone else.

Being the Bridge

2007-02-13T14:04:00.001+05:30

“I have realized that it is not about creating bridges, but being the bridge. Creating bridges is political, being the bridge is pure.”

As I sat across from Sonia, my heart was overflowing. She was back. Calmer, even more grounded and at peace. Sonia had discovered what it was all about for her: reconciliation. She experienced what Verma (her father) had been telling her for so long; reconciliation through art was her. More focused than before, greater clarity and depth. Both of us have traveled on a journey in the three months we spent apart, growing and learning.

“It is not about creating bridges, but being the bridge. Each of us needs to become the bridge.”

Creating bridges is political. It involves working with others to create a structure to cross chasms and oceans. It requires outside materials, inputs. Creating a bridge involves creating a third party that connects the two together.

But what about being?
Being the bridge, that is neither side, yet both. Being the supports, being the trusses and the beams. Making thyself the most perfect instrument through which the Divine can flow. Being the metal and rock through which love and compassion move freely. Being means changing yourself to suit the situation. Moving one support a little to the left when the bank seems to erode. It’s changing oneself and giving of oneself. Our experiences, emotions, knowledge and most importantly, heart are what we can give to the world. Utilizing them to bring people together is being the bridge.

Creating bridges? I think I prefer being the bridge.

ESI goes to South India part 1

2007-02-13T14:03:00.000+05:30

LONG DELAYED

ESI goes to South India

The annual meet of the Akhil Bharat Rachnakat Samaj was held in Tirupati from November 25-27. It was an annual meeting of Gandhian social workers from all over the country and the event overlapped with the meet of the Harijan Sevak Sangh. Jayeshbhai was attending because Nirmala Didi insisted that he and Ishwardada attend. An eight day trip to South India was added to the sammelan timings.

So it became an opportunity to take the elders and sevaks of the Harijan Sevak Sangh and ESI on a trip to places they would otherwise not have the chance to see. The trip though became much more than that, it indeed became an orientation for us all. We had the chance not only to see religious places, but spiritual places and spiritual people.

We went to the Meenakshi Mandir and got joy because we could express our love to God, this joy was religious in nature. We went to Aravind Eye Hospital, Auroville and Aurbindo Ashram, met people who we didn’t know and experienced joy that was spiritual in nature as we received pure love. That is the power of heart to heart connectivity, the power of invisible bonds that ties each of us to each to each other.

Tirupati
When we arrived in Tirupati, we ended up at the bus station for a few hours waiting for accommodations to be found. 15,000 people had taken over the city for the sammelan so accommodations had become haphazard. Devendrabhai, Deegandbhai, Harshadbhai and Jayeshmama ran all over the city to try to make the rooms happen. Finally, due to the Maruthibhai’s efforts, we got 6 wonderful rooms in Venkateshwara Srinivasam. The hotel was beautiful. It has over 500 rooms which were all full and then a free rest hall where hundreds of guests slept and had access to clean bathrooms and lockers. Everyone had to clean their own rooms, while the staff kept the rest of the hotel impeccably clean.

While the rest of the gang went on a site-seeing tour of temples around Tirupati, I went with Jayeshmama and Vasrambhai to the workshop, Mama was leading a discussion on youth empowerment. Initially, it was just the three of us, so we started planning for the leadership retreats, but finally a group began to form, primarily of youth from a certain college in Orissa. There was another man from Bihar who was also supposed to lead the discussion and he’s the one who began the talking- asking first about something I don’t remember. The answers talked about the lack of youth involvement and the need for workshops, etc for youth to connect to one another. The crowd continued to grow, so this took a while. Then the man continued and asked what our vision for the future was and then delved into the importance of vision and his own vision. This took well over 10 minutes and was very frustrating. Here he was talking about the need for youth to be involved, he posed a question and then instead of allowing the youth to answer, he was answering it! It was a great example of how the older generations talk about youth participation and empowerment, but don’t give youth the chance! I was a disappointed that Jayeshmama didn’t get a chance to really talk or interact with everyone. At one point, he posed the idea of ending the discussion and actually doing something- cleaning up the workshop grounds and people were receptive to it, but the other man continued to go on his schpel and didn’t seem like he was really listening (and just following how he wanted to lead the discussion). Several cool things that came out of the interaction. Another gentlemen who it seems was also supposed to lead the discussion, but had a bad throat did a simple activity to illustrate the need for collective action, which I actually ended up using two days later in Pondicherry. Also from hearing what the other youths were saying, my desire to hold leadership retreats as a means of charging up youth to take action was strengthened. It was clear that many felt the need to interact with others and get in contact with people who would provide that extra push need to do something and this was from people from all over the country.

After the workshop, it was time to head to Tirupati for darshan of Balaji. Grabbing an late afternoon bus, we made our way up to mountain. The views were gorgeous, the sun was midway through its descent and shone perfectly over Tirumala. As we made our way up, the gates that act as markers to the temple came and went, paying tribute to the Balaji and expressing the artistic genius of the time. We arrived early in Tirupati, so people could get their head shaven. I’ll be honest, I too wanted to get mine shaven, but alas it wasn’t a smart choice as I had a wedding to attend a few weeks later. Instead, we roamed the city and waited for the others. When they came out, they were in complete praise of the way the tonsures were done and others (Deegantbhai, Vasrambhai and Nareshbhai) too wanted to get one done. So we headed back to the tonsure place and this time I went to take a look at how its done. I was thoroughly impressed. The system developed is simple, in the sense that no technology is involved, highly efficient and hygienic. Each person is given a number of a barbar, there are about 25 barbers/floor and 4 floors. On each floor is a open, tiled room rimmed with male and female barbers. Before each shave, the barbar cleans his blade with dettol and wets your hair. Within 5 minutes, your tonsure is done. You squat with your head over a ditch in the floor, into which all your hair falls. The place is impeccably clean. Showers are also provided outside each shaving room. I was so amazed. It’s natural that such a system would be developed in light of the thousands of people who offer their hair to Balaji every day, but seeing it in action was great. Maybe next time I visit Tirupati, I took will offer my hair… just kidding.

We stood in line for darshan for about 2 hours, which actually isn’t as bad as it could have been. Even amidst the pushing and shoving, I was able to have a peaceful and long darshan of Balaji. The idol is beautiful, there really are no words to describe what I saw. I think I was able have a good look because I was doing darshan for Raghu’s mom or masi, who’s family god is Balaji. Near midnight, we made our way down to Tirumala and got ready for our trip to Chennai.

Mahabalipuram
After a day’s travel to Chennai and roaming the nearby area, we rented a luxury bus with tv and dvd player for the remainder of our journey south and headed to our first destination, Pondicherry after a night of rest.

It was our day in nature. We first stopped at crocodile park. Great choice. Everyone thoroughly enjoyed and hundreds of crocodiles housed there. These crocodiles are from all over the world. From freshwater to saline crocs, these reptiles are quite a site. It was amazing to see them through the eyes of our sevaks, who had never seen a crocodile before. There are some great pictures so take a look.

After seeing crocs, we continued our day outdoors and stopped in Mahabalipuram. Here we saw the butter ball, which is set perfectly on its center of gravity that even that British army could not tip it. Of course, Mahabalipuram would not be complete without seeing the famous mural of Arjuna doing tapa (penance). The guide told of us the various stories carved into the wall. It’s amazing how much. One could sit for hours to hear about what each depiction represents. One funny story is that of the fat cat that is doing penance below Arjuna. Seeing Arjuna doing tapas, the cat decided to follow suit. As he stood motionless, mice began to circle around him, taking him to be a rishi. While Arjuna did not eat, completed absorbed in the name of god, the cat opened an eye and began to pick a mouse, one at a time, and eat it. Hence the cat has a ballooning stomach and Arjuna is skin and bones.

We took a trip to the seashore at Mahabalipuram to visit the old shore temple, which is slowly eroding away due to the sea, waves and wind. From the ancient temple on the shore, we went to the five rathas (chariots). Each chariot is carved from a single piece of stone. The mastery required to do such work in unimaginable. Pictures do more justice than words.

Auroville (Indus Valley and the Matrimandir)
After the rathas and stone carvings, we headed to Auroville- The Mother’s village, located outside of Pondicherry. There we met many brothers – Manoj, one of the creators of Tsunamika dolls and Dhruv, one of the creators of Indus Valley, Auroville’s version of Seva Café. We had a beautiful time in Auroville. The village is very peaceful, full of greenery and interesting architecture. To have Manoj as our guide was very special. If there is one word to describe Manoj, it would be serenity. His face glowed with this understanding. Soft-spoken, each word was spoken with care and depth. Being able to have a satsang with him as we walked amidst the trees is something I won’t be able to forget.

The first place that we went to was Indus Valley. Indus Valley was inspired by Seva Café. After the tsunami, the Indicorps fellows gathered in Tamil Nadu to help with reconstruction work and stayed in Auroville. During this time, the founders interacted with Anjali and Anand and the concept of Seva Café came up. The founders had a space where they were going to make a café and they decided to base it on the idea of gift economy, thus Indus Valley was born. The space they have created is beautiful. It’s an open space with many little details that make it perfect. It’s connectedness with nature is moving and of course, the food was great.

From Indus Valley, we went to see the Matrimandir, located beside the center of the Auroville. When the Mother had a vision for the city, she said it would be centered around a tree. That tree is an old banyan tree. Beside the banyan tree is a large golden egg, the Matrimandir. Representing the Golden Egg that emerged from the earth, the center dome (made from real gold) is surrounded by 12 petals. Each petal is a meditation room that has its interior in one of twelve colours, which represents a value and stage of in meditation. One progresses from one petal, one colour to the next, until reaches a level of consciousness to mediate in the dome, the white room. Lined with white carpet, the central room, housed in the golden egg, houses a crystal in the middle. The sun is directed to the crystal, through which light is dispersed throughout the whole room. The Matrimandir has been under construction for over 40 years and will be complete in February. As it was in its final stages of construction, we could only see if from the outside.

The third element in the garden is the giant urn topped with a lotus bud. When Auroville was founded in the 60’s, the Mother had two children from every country (123 total) come to the international city (Auroville) with soils from their land. One by one, each pair of children offered their soils, creating the earth of humanity. From the urn, emerged the bud of a lotus.

The information center at Auroville is a super green busy and very architectural cool, so the civil and environmental engineer was thoroughly pleased. Our trip was short, but incredibly moving. I would love to go back and spend more time in Auroville.

Aravind Eye Hospital- Pondicherry
From Auroville, we checked into the Guest House at the Ashram in Pondicherry and then Jayeshmama and I headed to the Aravind Eye Hospital where Kannamma had called a meeting for their nurses to hear Jayeshmama speak. I got to serve as the translator. I loved the opportunity to hear Jayeshmama speak and the girls enjoyed the conversation also. It was chance for Jayeshmama to express his thought on Dr. V and appreciate the nurses for all that they do.

The nurses of Aravind Eye Hospitals are very inspirational. The hospital trains rural girls who have passed their 12th standards as nurses. At Aravind, they are always trying to maximize efficiency, be it of space or people. So these nurses are trained in everything that does not require a doctor, including refraction testing, etc. They are also the caregivers, the women who offer love and support to the patients. Aravind places a strong emphasis on making sure that each patient is treated with love and respect and it is these women who has the greatest responsibility in enacting this ideal.

At the end of the talk, I conducted the activity that I had learned in Tirupati with the nurses. It was a perfect way to end as it embodies the idea of supporting each other and working as a collective soul force, which is what Jayeshmama spoke of.

We then had a feast literally. The staff had prepared a wonderful meal for us, which shared with Kannamma, Ravindra and Dr. V’s brother, Dr. Srinivasan, who happened to be in Pondicherry at the time. By this point, the rest of the gang also had joined us. We unfortunately did not get a chance to get a full tour of the hospital, but felt the love and spiritual strength that embodied the space.

When we walked out of the hospital, Devendrabhai pointed something out that I had not taken note of: the lack of smell. The hospital had not smelt like a hospital with scents of medicines, etc even though we had gone through the patients’ area! Pondicherry is the first Aravind Hospital where there was ample space, so the campus is beautifully set up on one plot of land.

[01-11] Gratitude List

2007-01-12T12:41:00.001+05:30

Yesterday, the quote of the day really touched me. Right after reading it, I went to the ticker to check out blog updates and Fred's latest was the first the link. He had a post on Cafe Gratitude. So it was a morning of reading about gratitude. I was inspired to keep a gratitude list of my own.

[01-07] Family

2007-01-11T13:25:00.000+05:30

The Patels came to visit. December was a busy month and very memorable month. A few days after returning from the South, I spent time with our family friends in Ahmedabad for Manan’s wedding. I had a good time, we had nightly dance practices and cousins from the US. After the weeklong wedding, it was back to MS for a few days before my brother and sister arrived. Then it was Patel family reunion.

The first night Sejal came, bhai and Sej spent the night at the ashram. They saw a little of MS, went to Bhikhabhai’s house with Pari and then the three of us went to dinner. Last year, at graduation, Bhai and Sej came a few days early and it was the first time really that all three of us, since we have gotten older, had the chance to hang out with just each other. We had a such a great time, just sharing and being in each others’ company. At one point, my sister or I mentioned something that Mom does and my brother turns around and goes, “yo, my mom does that too!” He was not used to kicking it with his sisters. We rode bikes across the Golden Gate Bridge, they met my friends and we just hung out. It was rare because we usually see each other in Toronto for a few days, but are hanging out with friends, etc. We became a lot closer that week. This time it was the same. We just talked over dinner, sharing our experiences, our worries and our triumphs. It was beautiful.

The next week flew by in a blur. Up and down to Nadiad every night from wherever we were. This time was a little different though, we were just visiting family. I had the opportunity to share my world with them. They spent a day seeing MS, ESI, Seva Café and shopping at Gramshree, they came to the Christmas show at the community center. It was so moving to see my siblings in particular just soak every detail in. I took Bhai and Sej on a mini-service walk where we interacted with all sorts of people. The desire to serve is within all three of us, after all we learned from our parents, so I wasn’t surprised to see them in action, my heart overflowed.

In Mumbai, we just hung out. Sitting around reading, doing Sudoku and watching movies, it was the perfect break and just what I needed. By the time my siblings and dad left, I was refreshed and ready for the new year. Spending time with my family, being able to connect even more with Bhai and Sej was just what I needed. We haven’t been very good with keeping in touch over phone or email, but in a few days, few hours really, everything was shared.

On new years, we spent a good 3 hours with friends playing taboo around the kitchen table. It was perfect. It was the perfect way to end the year and begin the new one. I can tell this year is going to be different, in a very positive way, I await each day and only ask that I can live each moment of it for what it is.

November, MS Youth Orientation

2007-01-11T13:22:00.001+05:30

I sat there simply looking at the two of them, simply feeling the energy, the love that was around me. I shouldn’t be near the center of this oval, but it was too late to move, maybe it was supposed to be this way so I feel it from all sides.

A hush fell over everyone, they had realized it was almost time to go home. Four days together had come to a close, it was almost time to head back to the real world. Where the four days went no one knew. I hadn’t been there for all four days, but I could feel the difference in the air. They were even better friends, the smaller circles had expanded to include even more. There was more maturity and understanding in the air.

It was the closing of the MS youth “retreat.”

The MS youth. There are so many and so few ways to describe them. They are Manav Sadhna. Some of them have been with MS since day 1, they were the first kids that Jayeshmama, Anarmami and Virenmama could find from the street to spend a few hours with them, to be bathed, be fed and have fun with. Thirteen years later, they are Manav Sadhna’s youth, not Manav Sadhna’s future, but Manav Sadhna’s now.

They are incredible human beings. People with boundless compassion, an innate sense of how to serve. They’ve grown up in the MS world that we NRIs are so lucky to be apart of. They are Manav Sadhna. But when they step out of Manav Sadhna, as Niku so aptly put it, they become a big zero. They find it hard to succeed, to make it. Why? Something was missing. They were missing the skill set needed to survive in the world to which MS is the anti-thesis, where planning is needed, where people don’t just trust that things will happen.

It was time for them to look at themselves, to scrutinize their weaknesses and fears and become aware of what it means to be a leader.

That was the vision.

Four days. Six organizers. 22 youth. I was blessed to witness parts of it.

The night before it all began, I was at Sughad hanging out with the three girls, Niku, Pinal and Hemagini. “Didi, what is this retreat all about?” There was a lot of confusion and even some fear. I tried to quell their fears, however until they went through it, they weren’t completely going to get it. All I could offer was a little bit of advice- forget your fears, the people you’re going to spend the next four days with are people you grew up with, if you can’t speak in front of them, then whom? The retreat is going to be work, but you can do it.

I returned three days later. I could see the wheels churning in their heads as I walked in. They were well into the process.

“How is it going?” I asked. Many could not answer, which was the best answer.

I continued my work (which is a story in itself), while their sessions continued. It was game time the next time I saw them.

The lake of poison.

I’ve played this game so many times, but every time there is something new.

Anj gave each group three pieces of newspaper as their boats. The problem was that the grass was wet and they were stepping on their boats. Bharat used his problem solving skills and went off to find trash can lids soon after all the extra boats were ripped up also from use. Then Sandeep did something I never saw before- he “skied” from one end to another with his feet firmly planted in head large plastic bowl- now that is creativity.

As I observed them again, against the backdrop of Sughad, I wish I had my camera. It happens so often, seeing people hanging out in Sughad, observing the serenity of them against the background and the desire to take that perfect picture.

Anand had his lecture and then it was time for Roopal to go. She was headed back to the states for a while, with no set time of when she would be back. The youth had made gorgeous bouquets of flowers, their artistic talent stunned me, I would never be able to make something so beautiful, and Kamlesh wrote a song. We all held hands and walked to the gates singing Pyara Hai, Pyara Hai, Pyara Lage, sending Roopal off by reminding her of the beauty of this land.

After Roopal had left, it was Jayeshmama and I left in charge. They completed their good qualities activity, which I forget the name and we thought of skit themes. Each group was given 15 minutes to make up a skit, one on Love and Affairs, others on NRIs, Manav Sadhna and Role Models. Their impressions of Jayeshmama, Anarmami, Virenmama, me and others were great. Barot was a riot as the flirt/affair guy in the Love/Affairs skit. I was the girl he was hitting on. Every time I looked at him, I burst out laughing. The skit on Ishwardada (under Role Models) were so powerful, starting with Lallo as a Harijan with an Indian broom as a tail and handkerchief to spit in hanging under his mouth.

Bedtime…

They all had 11 questions they were asked on the first day.

What is leadership? What a five qualities of a leader? And so on.

The discussions that ensued as they talked about the questions was so interesting. I had never really thought of what this group of people thought about concepts such as leadership. For me, it seems almost cliqued. We hear about leadership all the time, in our classrooms, in clubs, on sports team. Everywhere its seems as if the educational system is trying to groom leaders. But that’s not the case hear. Many of their concepts of leadership, about the ability to be a leader in any setting, etc. were new. Watching as many struggled to synthesize the material was a powerful experience. For me, I still find the word leadership hard to define, even after running several leadership camps. To see what this group came up with was a gust of fresh air.

It was the last day. One of the last sessions was time with Virenmama, Jayeshmama and Anarmami to hear about how Manav Sadhna actually started. A lot of the story had already been shared so the session became a closing session, where everyone began to share what they had learned. I noticed what I had begun to realize yesterday – how novel some of these ideas about leadership were to these youth. Ideas of planning, preparation, etc are things that I was taught many times during my schooling, but the way they were presented were new to all these guys. I was reminded of the differences in ways that students are prepared in India. The orientation had gotten many to seriously think about their dreams for the first time and when combined with discussions on planning, they became aware of what they needed to do in order to make their dreams a reality.

The final scenes of the retreat were the most moving. Virenmama pulled out a volleyball and the game was begun. People were in the swimming people, others were tossing a Frisbee and more were lounging around chitchatting. As darkness fell, Jayeshmama sat on a bench near the lake talking to some of the youth and soon the crowd grew and everyone fell silent. An acute awareness had grown that it was almost time to leave. I simply sat and watched. Jayeshmama and Anarmami sat together on the bench, with all of their children around them. Love was radiating from all directions. Over the course of three days, the relationship between the youth and founders changed. Many of the youth were under the age of ten when they first came to Manav Sadhna, now one is married and has a child. The relationship shifted from one of just parents and children to that of friends. I was blessed to be apart of those moments.

When we returned indoors for dinner, we all began banging on our plates and tables creating wonderful music before everyone ate the delicious food and chatted away. Finally at the end, we all formed a semicircle in front of Mama and Mami and sang the song that is most appropriate, Yeh to Sach Hai Ke Bhagvan Hai. We were all in tears as one by one got the warmest hugs from the two. Someone is truly watching over me to have given me a family like this.

For over thirteen years, Virenmama, Jayeshmama and Anarmami have worked in Ramapir no Tekro. The youth that are now staff were children who were boot polishers and child labours when they first arrived. The three brought these children up with immense love, care and attention, trying to fulfill every need and provide them with all the opportunities possible. As I sat there in the garden with them all, I was reminded of my own dream – to create a home for children who otherwise don’t have a home. I want to be the parent of children who don’t have that happiness from their blood parents. Jayeshmama and Anarmami showed me that dream alive in colour that day and it a vision I will never forget.

Selfishness

2007-01-05T17:49:00.000+05:30

“You’re more than 50% selfish.”

The comment had been prefaced by an agreement not to take offense, which I didn’t. Initial thought – umm okay, considering the fact that I’m in India trying to learn to be selfless, not quite sure if I would say that I’m at this point more than 50% selfish. I kept the thought to myself and simply nodded to acknowledge that I heard it.

(Side note: The statement was not an observation, but a comment made based on my selection for my favourite colour, so the commenter was not trying to be rude.)

Over the next few days, I was able to connect many seemingly unrelated things back to the statement and what I was told began to make more sense.

When I go out and serve, I can comfortably say that I’m not more than 50% selfish. Yes there is some svarth involved on some level, particularly due to the feel good feeling that one gets when helping someone else, but especially because of Smile Cards, I’ve been contemplating the idea of anonymity and kindness even more. Smile Cards make it easier to remove the selfish part of service as the anonymity factor reduces the public acknowledgement or proclamation of the action.

But what about the other aspects of my life?

One thing that has been on my mind a lot is my coming and staying in India. My parents, understandably, would like me closer to home. The topic of fulfilling one’s own desires and that of one’s family is one that has been coming up a lot. Coming to India is something I’ve wanted to do for a very long time, so when graduation came near I decided I was going to do this. I was able to mix my academic interest with this dream and begrudgingly or not, it was my mom who bought my ticket. But I know that they aren’t completely happy. And it’s not abnormal, there are countless NRI volunteers’ parents who feel the same way. So how does this relate to being selfish?

I came to India to realize my dream, but what of those around me. I left home at the age of 17 and spent the last four years in Berkeley. After India, it’s grad school and at some point marriage. When do my parents and I get to spend time together, live together – my parents’ dream?

I am always saying I want to live my own life, but what does that mean?

I wanted to spend a year away from family and friends, submerging myself into a community and project, but what about all those around me. I’ll be honest, I get frustrated at times with all the phone calls I get from my parents’ friend who want me to come to their home, etc and get upset when I cannot take the time to visit their town. I want to fully experience the place that I am in and don’t want to leave to see family friends. I want the isolation so that I can really understand my environment, but isn’t that me being selfish. I get mad at home for telling all these people to look after me and at these people are simply sharing their love, for me or my family, why should that make me mad?

What does isolation mean? Is it really a realistic life?

Take for example Indicorps or Peace Corps, you live away from home in a different country for a year or two years, with limited vacation, etc. The submersion experience. I can imagine that you learn a lot from the experience, about oneself, about one’s relation to the world. Lots of personal growth, but what happens when gets thrown back into the “real world,” the world with family and friends and obligations?

There are many times where I want to just retreat. Go away from everything around me and hang out with just me. Vipassana retreats are a great retreat, spending time with you and yourself for 10 days straight, but isn’t that a bubble too. Not everyone can go off and be a monk, or can they?

How does one balance one’s own self interests with all that one “should” do? If you aren’t going to be a monk, then you’re living with the world. Where does the line get drawn in terms of what is being selfish and what isn’t?

I don’t know, I don’t have the answer. But the comment that the friend made that night has brought a lot of things in perspective. I am selfish.

I’m horrendous at keeping in contact with people. I write long emails (at times) to share what I am doing, but don’t often take the time to respond to other’s emails or find out how they are doing. Why would people care what I’m doing, if I’m not taking an interest in their life? Quite frankly, there are many times where I think I should email this person or call this person and then get lazy, too consumed with what I want to do. We are all products of our environment, we grow because of those around us, who provide us with the support and encouragement to takes leaps of faith, but then I fail to continue to acknowledge those networks.

Then there is being judgemental and not getting along with all different types of people. I struggle to relate to people who’s ideas are completely different from mine (not opposite, but different paths). Being adjustable or anukud to situations and people is something that I am trying to learn more and more. It is an idea that truly relates to all aspects of life and can make life much more enjoyable if practiced at all times. Being adjustable is being selfless. If one can make oneself appropriate to all people, one molds into the image that others enjoy. To make yourself appropriate, you have to give up selfish desires. For example, in an argument, even if you know you are right, but all parties will be happy with an ambiguous response, instead of forcing everyone to agree to your specifics, agreeing to the ambiguous response will not make you any less of a person, but makes you appropriate to the situation. A better example is when disagreements occur between siblings. As an elder sister, I always hear, “Heena, you’re older, let your sister just have it,” even she isn’t 100% deserving of it. In this situation, to make myself appropriate, I have to give in. There are two ways to look at this scenario:
1) with frustration because I have to be the bigger (or “better”) person
2) with content that I was able to make my sister happy
Each response determines my mental state of mind, ultimately I decide how I am going to feel afterwards by the way I see the situation.

So my inability to get along with all sorts of people comes back to me being selfish. So that person was right. In ways that I had not seen before, selfishness pervades many aspects of my life.

More than 50% selfish.

Maybe.

Now its time to make that change.

Note: This entry was written over the course of several weeks. As I finish it today, I can tell that the tone of the final portion is different from others. This entry in a way marks my process.

I should be sleeping, but whatever

2006-12-29T02:22:00.000+05:30

Have you ever thought about the forces that shape our lives?
Our parents, our environment, our friends, our mentors, the news and media.
Each welding its hands over force that is our life
How much do we control?
Don't we decide the strength and tensility?
Don't we have a say in what direction it will turn?

But what about the forces we can't see?
What about the the forces that are directed by others towards us?
When I say I trust in the universe, I trust that it will take care of me,
I trust that things will work out, just the way they are supposed to.
They will work out in a way that is best for me and all those around me,
all those whose lives are connected to my own.

But what about when you known a force is in opposition to the way you feel life should be?
they way you think that things ought to be and will be if the universe is looking out for you?
How do you play with the "supernatural" or subliminal forces that others guide.

But wait.
Did I just lose faith?

Faith that I am not alone.
Faith that there is a higher spirit and higher force to which we all belong.
Faith that there is a reason why I am here.
Faith that I can become a vessel through which the work is done.
Faith that even if others think not, the work will continue.
Faith that the universe will take care of me, if I let it run its course.

The faith is not shattered. I do trust.

But why am I not convinced?

Update

2006-12-29T01:37:00.000+05:30

While I finish the countless blog entries that are half-way written, here's an email that summarized some stuff:

It's been a while, but you are all in my thoughts. I wish at times that there was a thing that would just write as you think or say because there are so many things I want to share and never find the time to put it all down on paper.

Life is going really well. The thing about India is this – all the ups and downs are so much more amplified and closer together. I'll be on this high for a week or two then coming crashing down and the cycle repeats. I appreciate the highs and the lows and while on one level I do not like being in the lows, I appreciate them tremendously and to some degree have learned to watch them from the outside. The growth that comes from the lows cannot come from any high and integral part of life. Gandhiji says that suffering leads to purification of the soul and it is absolutely true. Why the amplification in ups and downs? I'm in a space where I can focus on service and self, in this state, the process is more "rapid" (wrong word).

A guy named Ankur called Jayeshmama once and said that I'm coming to live with you so I can learn how to be a better human being and he couldn't have said it better. That's exactly what I am doing. That may sound all fluffy, but it's true.

I'm incredibly lucky, I get to meet such inspiring people everyday. Recently I went to South India on a trip with our sevaks (cleaning staff) and kakas from the Environmental Sanitation Institute and Harijan Sevak Sangh (org stated by Gandhi 75 years ago to work for the betterment of so-called untouchables who Gandhi called Harijans or children of God). We went to Tirupati, Madurai and Rameshwaram – three important Hindu pilgrimage centers, in addition to Chennai and Pondicherry. The trip was incredible, not because we visited this holy sites, but because of the people that we met. I had the good fortune of going to Auroville and Aurobindo Ashram in Pondicherry, meeting one of the creators of Tsunamika ( www.tsunamika.org) and inmates at the ashram. Humble, serene and spiritually powerful people. In Madurai and Pondicherry, I met Pavi's family, the family that runs Aravind Eye Hospitals. There really are no words to express the love that we received. The hospitals themselves are inspiring places and really more moving that any temple.

Lots has happened over the last few months and I have been horrible at keeping my blog updated. This is a long email so feel free to take a break whenever you like. I want to introduce you all to some important people and things in my life and my world that have not been introduced before.

Sonia Deotto

My housemate and house mother. There are so many and so few words to describe Sonia, but I'll try my best. Hailing from Italy, Sonia is a global citizen. She works with the Dalai Lama, who called her from Italy, promoting peace through art. Sonia is always on the move. If you want to see passion and dedication, Sonia exemplifies it. But amidst the cyclone of activity that is Sonia, there is a pure love and extreme clarity. She recently completed her first of 8 experiments to promote peace through art. It was a 5 step process that connected India and Mexico (two countries that happen to be on exact opposite sides of the world). She connected the tribal community that lives EXACTLY opposite of Sabarmati Ashram through offerings of love, flowers and soils. Sonia is currently in Mexico, working in perilous conditions, in an attempt to bring peace to Mexico. To me, Sonia is a mother. There have been countless moments where she has hit the mark on things that are bothering me or limiting my growth. Truly truly blessed to have someone like her in my life.

Tsunamika dolls

Made from "waste" fabric, these dolls represent hope. At Manav Sadhna, we have turned these dolls into dolls of compassion. They are used to welcome people to Manav Sadhna, to acknowledge people doing good work, give them to people that we meet on the streets and in random places, etc. They are so cute and have so much power, which isn't surprising considering the love and thought that went into creating each piece. The dolls were created out a desire to give women affected by the tsunami something to do as they kept replaying the disaster since they were sitting at home idle. A student at the Upasana Design Studio in Auroville (very cool place) create a doll out of the waste fabric. The dolls were easy enough so the women were given training (many didn't know how to sew) and they began to make the dolls. The women earn an income from making the dolls, yet the dolls are distributed for free. People pay whatever they wish by sending a donation. Amazing power in a little doll.

What am I doing?

I'm working on three main projects than lots of little stuff on the side

1) Service on Wheels

It's a van that will travel the villages of Gujarat, spending 5 days in a village. We will hold exhibits on water/sanitation, anti-addiction, health, female education and empowerment. For five days we will spend time with the village and community trying to raise awareness of issues related to the topics above. We'll be doing stuff like village safai, interacting with the children, etc. Right now we are designing the van and want to launch it in March. I'll prob be spending 2-3 months traveling with the van then.

2) Improving ESI's educational material

I'm giving a facelift to ESI's educational material. Essentially trying to incorporate more technology into it. I was asked to do this in the beginning and found it to be a rather drab job and didn't really do much with it, then a few weeks ago, a friend of a friend of Manav Sadhna comes in saying he wants to do some work with ESI. He turns out to the be president of an animation company that does this great work and already has done some presentations on sanitation! I really wanted to include animation and someone came to us! The awesomeness that is always present at MS/ESI. This works right into the van work.

3) Youth Empowerment

End of October to mid November I was really busy with two youth retreats that were happening at our Sughad campus of ESI. The first was for the leadership program students and teaching fellows from Akanksha (youth from Bombay slums) and the second was for the Rotary Club of Gandhinagar for their youth (children of middle, upper class families). Big contrast in the background of the youth. The first retreat was focused on service MS style, Gandhiji, etc, while the second was a leadership retreat with big name speakers, etc. Different styles of running the retreat. Suresh Patel organized the latter, myself with Jayeshmama's guidance organized the former. Regardless of how different they were both retreats had a similar output- a mindset shift in the youth with regards to doing service. What I realized particularly by the end of the RYLA retreat was the power of the retreat model in creating a mindset shift in youth and igniting a fire in their hearts to do something. I'm blessed to be in contact with incredible everyday. I mean I can call up Jayeshmama, Virenmama, Anarmami, Anand, etc whenever I need to and ask for 30 minutes of their time to talk. But most youth in particular don't meet people like them and even a 20 minute interaction with them is powerful. So why not start with Ahmedabad youth and hold retreats to shift mindsets towards service. Towards seeing India as our country as a nation that we need to work for and serve if we want it to develop. I personally don't have any qualms with you wanting to be a big doctor or lawyer, in fact I wish you the best. What I want to see is these dreams and lives coloured with a tinge of social morality and social responsibility. When more than 60% of this country's youth are under 35, we as an age demographic need to do something. So I'm planning retreats.

What else is new?

Lots more but I can't remember. Come visit and you'll get the whole tour!

My parents are currently in town and bhai and Sej will be here in a week, it's a Patel reunion in India. I am very very behind in my blog, my apologies to those following it.

A friend Anjali (she was an Indicorp who has stayed in India and is now in her 4th year here) is writing a guide book to Gujarat that is coming out in January that you should get a copy of if you are planning to visit Gujarat ever. The guide book is called India Guide.

Another friend and group of people have just launched Shvaas. ( www.shvaas.org). It is an "organization" that is a container for goodness in Ahmedabad. There are amazing people doing amazing so why not create a space where this all came be accumulated, or rather encouraged through the collective that would be created.

The project to build toilets in the slums is going really well. Making progress.

I'm happy. Still trying to strike a balance in lots of aspects of my life. From what seems like the double life (that which I usually live when I visited India) and the one I'm living in India to finding time to focus of self.

[11-01] Akanksha Retreat

2006-11-20T14:07:00.000+05:30

The three days went by in a blur. Before I knew it, I was sitting in the closing session where everyone was sharing their thoughts and feelings. One after another, the students expressed their gratitude and learning from the three days and I didn’t know how to react.

For three days, my focus was these participants. To make sure that each thing went smoothly, that they were receiving all that we had to offer. From adjusting the schedule to moving them around, they were all that I could see. I must have lapped around the Sughad campus over a hundred times over the course of the retreat, seeing what needed to be done and checking that things were ready, but never did it feel like a chore. I simply did what needed to be done.

What I heard at the last session blew me away. The participants were in tears because of the love and attention that they had received, from the fireworks at the initial welcome to the dolls at the end during Secret Angel reveal. I had forgotten the power of one’s first interaction with Manav Sadhna and Jayeshmama. But they had more to share about than just Jayeshmama and Manav Sadhna. They were also talking about me, about the love and care that they received. I was dumbfounded. A girl spoke of not having any sisters, but she received the love of a sister from me. Others would now always think of me when they heard Raghupati Raagav Raja Ram.

Nirali had given me the idea – wake them up with a prabhat pheri (going around and singing bhajans accompanied to soft music). I didn’t wake any of the MS volunteers, but Ellie woke to join me in the morning. We went around singing and putting our hands on each participant’s head to wake them up. Later the Manav Sadhna guys were complaining to me about the morning singing session, so the second day, I hesitated and ultimately, did not go around waking the participants by singing. But the one day was enough. My thick voice had been music to their ears. The experience of been woken up with so much love and positivity was something most would not forget. At the end of the retreat, they insisted on me singing Raghupati Raagav one more time.

After they gathered their belongings, we congregated in the front lobby- holding hands and standing in a circle. “Didi, you never sung the song,” they said right before we closed our eyes and prayed. When the last lines of Shanti were spoken, I took out the bookmarks (their parting gift) and went around the circle, singing Raghupati Raagav Raja Ram. The group joined in and waited as they received their momento. Earlier that day, Jayeshmama, Nirali and I were thinking of how to close the retreat. A bowing walk amidst other things were suggested, ultimately we decided to see what happens. None of the ideas was used. What we did was simple and beautiful, there could not have been a more appropriate way to end.

Before the retreat, I had been in a negative space for some time and was slowly coming out of it. The retreat gave me a focus and an opportunity to submerge myself in something outside of myself. At one point, during the planning, I had thought why did Jayeshmama give me this to coordinate- I didn’t know how to do a spiritual dinner and they are so many MS folks who have been through a spiritually oriented MS retreat, so why me. I simply wanted the retreat to be over, so I could work on my other projects. Ultimately, I understood.

I had not done anything intentionally over the three days. I sat with the students, talked about my own experiences and listened to theirs. My job was to make sure they were getting all that they needed and that’s what I did. There was no conscious thought process that led me to think that now I will selflessly serve. It just happened. By submerging myself in the moment, I was able to give everything I had, which included my love. I only realized that what I had selflessly serviced after the fact when others, who I highly respect, brought it to my attention.

The learnings from the retreat by no means were one-way. Each Manav Sadhna worker walked away learning something from the interaction as well. I personally, realized, yet again, the importance of all the small details as I saw and heard the impact they had on the participants. People from Manav Sadhna found the inspiration to improve their English and other skills sets. If not all, atleast a few Akanksha students and teachers left Ahmedabad with a different perspective on life, self and seva. In three days, so many preconceptions and ideas were thrown out the window. Some really began to learn the power of love, the heart and selfless service.

[10-30] Search for Good

2006-11-20T14:06:00.000+05:30

Day 2- Akanksha Retreat.

Day 2 of the retreat was called Project Day, but in reality it was Process day. The activity for the day – a Search for Good Walk. A walk with a compassion kit full of things to give to people, no money and no set path. We had to find our own food if we wanted food and besides that, the only and most important, part of the instructions – walk with our hearts open.

I had never done such a walk on my own with the find your own food element, so it was going to be an experiment in faith in the universe. Food, by the way, is becoming an increasingly large hurdle that I need to start overcoming. I’m finding my self-restraint with respect to food decreasing. Thus, in all honesty, I was a little worried about the find your own food, but at the same time knew I needed to trust the universe.

Our walk was comprised of many incidences, a few stick out that I will recount here. As we crossed Subhash Bridge, out of habit, I began to pick up trash, Shirajul, Milan and Amar joined in. We walked and clean, while keeping our hearts and eyes open for people to assist. As we passed some vegetable vendors, they looked at us in confusion and stopped to ask us what we were doing. We talked to them about taking responsibility for our city, which is our home and then continued on our way.

After a little way, we came across another cart. A man was selling bananas. Something was different though- there was no trash near his cart, instead he had put a plastic bag on his cart where customers threw their banana peel. We were so impressed by the cart that we had to stop and talk to the man. “I’m educated,” he said when we commented on the cleanliness. “I know how important it is to keep clean.” What is an well-educated man doing running a banana cart?, we all thought. He had a good job at one point, but when he was laid off, he couldn’t find any work. So the he took up a selling fruits. He lives with his son, daughter-in-law and wife in a small home near Sabarmati.

Questions continued in our mind. How was he content with this life? He passed his time reading the newspaper, reading religious articles. His knowledge of spirituality was very impressive. Amar asked him to read something from the newspaper that lay at his feet and so he did. Where the half hour passed talking to him, we did not know, but we realized it was time to move on. The interaction brought more light to the conditions faced by the lower middle class, what about opportunities for them. To express our appreciation for the man and the example he was setting by maintaining the cleanliness of his surroundings, we came him a blanket. It would come in use since he was sleeping outside of his house since his daughter and family were visiting.

As we walked on, a conversation about cleanliness and how one person can be instrumental in changing attitudes came up. What the banana cart man was doing was setting an example. Not conforming to the regular practices of other vegetable and fruit vendors. For his himself or not, he was doing his part to keep the city clean.

Amar pointed out an old woman sitting on the middle of the road divider so he went up to talk to her. Between his understanding of village Hindi and my knowledge of Gujarati, we learned her story. The woman lives by herself and supports herself by begging. A companion beggar came to fill in the details. While we had t-shirts and hygiene kits, what the woman needed was some food, so we spent some money to get her some food. After combing her hair, we went on.

“Didi, can we go this way,” Amar asked, pointing to the road that veered away from the main road we were on. “Of course, it’s your walk.”

We continued picking up trash and soon we found ourselves in the middle of a community. We entered at the corner of large open space, covered in trash. Soon a crowd of boys surrounded us and began asking us what we were doing. The Akanksha youth were a little intimidated so I decided to step in and do some crowd control. We explained the obvious- we were picking up trash because it was dirty. More dialogue ensued about the need to keep their space clean, however no one felt the desire to join us. After a few minutes the Akanksha youth began to speak also and I continued with trash picking. Crowds began to form around each of us as we dispersed and picked up trash. At one corner of the open field stood large brown dumpsters. We collected as much as we could hold and walked the trash over to the dumpster. On one hand, it seemed like a futile attempt as there was so much trash, but the ocean is made up of small droplets of water.

A large crowd surrounded me again, literally forming a circle of 2 feet diameter around me. I stepped forward and the crowd stepped back, reassuming the circle, not a pleasant situation if one was claustrophobic. In my mind, for a second a fear formed about large crowds, but it disappated as I reminded myself to work from the heart. Some men began to ask what I was doing and again I explained the obvious- I was picking up trash and putting it in the dumpster. The man was skeptical. What’s the reason you’re here? Who do you work for? There is a reason you’re here, you wouldn’t just pick up trash like this? Despite the fact that there was a small Manav Sadhna logo on my compassion T-shirt, I did not want to associate with any organization. I see trash so I’m putting it in the right place, I responded, but the man would not believe. Let him choose his truth, I thought and continued picking up trash. One of the youth began to shoo the crowd away and we continued with our work.

The four of us regrouped and began walking, away from the open field towards the opposite corner from where we entered. A crowd began to follow us. At one point we stopped. Do you have any questions, we asked. The crowd looked at us in silence. We turned to each other and began to use our humour. Do I have anything suck on me? I struck a pose. Maybe there is something wrong with the way we look, we turned a circle with our hands out. The crowd laughed. Finally a woman in the back asked, what are you doing? So we explained. We talked to the kids. About the size of the field and how much fun it would be to play there, if it wasn’t dirty. The kids were somewhat responsive. When we felt it time, we moved on.

The crowd continued to follow us. Some male youth again shooed them away. As the numbers dwindled, Milan came beside me. “Didi, they are saying bad things.”

I turned to her with love, “There are always going to be people who don’t like what you are doing. You need to turn a blind eye and deaf ear to what they do and say. Remember what you are doing and why you are doing it. The critics will be many, it’s important to stay grounded.”

She listened intently and walked in silence.

A boy comes up to us and tells me that some women in the gulley were calling us over. We oblige. “Why aren’t you talking to us, you talked to the children?”

“What questions do you have?”
“Explain what you’re doing.” So we did. As we got ready to leave, we asked for some water to wash our hands. They then brought us water and talked to us some more. After some more conversation, one of the women offered us some food. I turned to the other youth and we did was smile. Food had come to us, we didn’t need to go looking. No one was hungry.

They took us inside to see a place where water had filled up. There we had a conversation about mosquitos and flies and one’s selfish interest in cleaning community space, even if it is outside your neighbour’s home. Through some women’s eyes, I could see some understanding. As we moved to leave, the children again began yelling and running to follow us out.

I stopped them before they got too far.
“Do you want to play a game?” The answer of course was yes. “Everyone is going to go out of this gulley and pick up at least two pieces of trash.” Twenty children, that’s forty pieces of trash.

They ran out, yelling and picking up trash. As we came out of the gulley, I asked where the dumpster was. They again ran off, yelling and shouting to the dumpster where they deposited their trash. Before they could disperse, I gathered them all together.

“Hands in everyone. Twenty pairs of little hands joined in with our four. Shall we make a promise.”

“Haaaaa (yes in Gujarati),” came twenty odd voices.

“Repeat after me. I, take this promise, to clean my community every day for 5 minutes. To pick up trash and throw it in the dumpster.”

The energy and enthusiasm of that moment will not be forgotten.

We noticed the time and realized it was time to head back. As we came out to the main road, we saw the woman again and stopped to say hello. In her hand, she held 3 packets of Gutka. I gently took them from her hand and a struggle began between us and the woman. At one point, Milan suggested that we give her the packets back and continue on. Amar and I weren’t so ready to give up. The woman said the gutka was for her neighbour’s daughter. We attempted to raise her awareness on how she shouldn’t encourage the use of tobacco for others. The women was gripped with fear about what would happen if she didn’t take back tobacco. Ultimately, we gave her money for the packets and went on our way.

Given time constraints, trash picking ended. Our conversation was interrupted as a vegetable vendor we saw earlier called us.

“He told me that you guys were picking up trash. Why?”

We launched into our explanation of our city being our home and suggested that she keep a plastic bag for trash for her cart. The woman understood. Laxmi (wealth) only goes where there is cleanliness. If she kept at least her cart area clean, then we were 100% sure that her business would increase. Through simple language and reference to concepts that she herself mentioned, the message of cleanliness and social responsibility was communicated.

The Manav Sadhna workers were intended as guides for the walk, however it was by no means an one-way process. The youth were in tears as they shared their stories. It was their first experience with this kind of service. For us, it was a not a new experience, but no less powerful. The power of love and of the heart is boundless and unimaginable.

[10-19] Colours in Silence

2006-11-20T14:05:00.000+05:30

After the bus ride home, I grabbed my stock of rangoli colours and headed out. It was time to make rangolis for Diwali. My first stop was Ramanbhai’s house. Ramanbhai is apart of the supporting staff at ESI. His heart is full of love and his face decorated with a smile. He always makes a point to hello and make sure I’m okay. A few nights ago, I had gone to his house for dinner and was overwhelmed by their hospitality and love.

Ramanbhai’s wife and daughter were home, so the rangoli wasn’t going to anonymous. I managed to convey that I had come to make a rangoli and pulled my colours out after finalizing a spot. Then the colours magic began. A design had come to mind earlier in the day, so I decided to bring it to life. A deevo as the middle petal of a lotus, in front of a green sunset with an aum on it. They didn’t know what I was making and for some part neither did I. I just picked up the colours and began to pour with my fist. Anita had gathered some friends, they were completely silent as the picture formed. The silence was incredibly powerful, interrupted only by whispered guesses on what I was drawing. When the image was complete, I bade good-bye with my hands and went on my way.

Next stop: Kasturbhai’s

As I walked into his gulley, the kids began to shout in surprise. “Heenadidi is here, Heenadidi is here.” Kasturbhai’s wife and sister and other families members came up to receive me. The wordless communication happened again and it was decided that the rangoli would be made beside the little temple. The colours came out and magic begin. Again the power of silence and everyone’s full attention overwhelmed me. Even the mistakes or artistic elements, they loved the rangoli. After snapping a shot of the kids and rangoli, Kumkum, Deepak (4 year olds kids) came to drop me at the street. The little one would not let go of me as I handed her over to her sister. I am always touched by the amount of love they shower on me.

In the evening, I went over to Manav Sadhna. The card project kids were all spending the night to work on cards. When they saw me, the boys again began with their talks of also taking a vow of silence, potentially to mark the one month death anniversary of Chimanlal, the baby bird the project had adopted when Chimanlal’s mother and siblings were killed. As the talks to keep silence continues, Jagatbhai interjected.

“Only take a vow of silence, if you are doing it with the right intentions. Don’t do it to put on some show.”

I was jolted and reflected on his words. Was I keeping a vow of silence for show or for a reason? I needed some time to myself and this was a way, but then what was all of my hand gesturing about. I became aware of how I had been communicating for the day and could identify when it was for show. His simple words struck me.

I hadn’t decided when I would end my vow, but 24 hours seemed to be necessary. When I came home on the bus, I decided to extend that. I would do an intensive meditation session the following day, the vow of silence would continue.

[10-19] Day of Silence

2006-11-20T14:03:00.000+05:30

And the day became silent. The Manav Sadhna staff thought I was crazy with my gesturing trying to people (it wasn’t completely silent as in no gesturing or writing). Amod came by with rangolis and trying to teach someone how to make a rangoli without talking to them can be a little more difficult, but we managed and came out with a beautiful sarva dharma rangoli to mark the staff of Diwali (it was Dhan teras).

The card project kids could not believe that I had taken a vow of silence. Listening to their conversation was very interesting as they discussed how they couldn’t even stay silent for 5 minutes, let alone a day. Everyone kept asking why and I couldn’t really tell them. Some said it was for Jagatbhai’s birthday, others because it was Guruvaar or Thursday, only Ellie really knew.

As the morning progressed I realized how much I really needed to just get away. From the city, from people and go within so I contemplated going to Koba for a few days, but those plans fell through.

The only person who really understood what I was gesturing and could do so quickly was Ellie. Apparently, this knack of hers is called Elliepathy. Ellie and I embarked on a trip to get a phone charger and sweets. I got us on the right bus, but when we got on, we both realized that Ellie didn’t know exactly where we were going. We were quite the scene- a mute Indian, who did not look like a local, and a white American, who most would believe did not understand or speak Gujarati (which she does). She somehow figured out the destination through my charades (how do you communicate income tax?) and our adventure had begun.

At Gwalia, Ellie continued with her deciphering of my hand motions to communicate with the workers to find out how much different sweets were, how many pieces were in a kilogram, etc. Her knowledge of Gujarati went far. The journey continued at the mobile store and internet café. Somehow we even managed to have a conversation over pineapple juice.

After spending some quality time together, I headed back to the ashram and Ellie to Seva Café. I was on my own as a mute in the city. Getting a rickshaw/bus back was the most challenging part, as I didn’t know where the bus stop was or what bus to take. My basic Gujarati writing skills came in handy, but I wouldn’t have been able to do it without the assistance of a man who saw my confused face as I stood on the side of the street. He made sure the bus stopped and I got on okay before he waved good-bye and went on his way. Such a simple action, yet it went straight to the heart.

As I rode the bus home, I thought of how it would feel like to be a foreigner in the country. The confusion and the difficulties communicating, however, they, for the most part, at least know English and can speak. Even with language barriers, to travel the city they can speak the name of the place where they want to go. I was deprived of that ability also. I thought of Sameer and Ruchi’s 14 experiments, maybe its time to conduct some of my own. I think I’m going to travel the city alone and mute for a few hours at the least.

[10-19] Jagatbhai's Birthday

2006-11-08T17:23:00.000+05:30

We finished up our Akanksha meeting and were all just hanging out. Our excuse- the Seva Café staff was coming to Manav Sadhna, but really we were all waiting for the clock to strike midnight. The kids were very excited and all them had stayed the night even if they didn’t have work so that they could celebrate Jagatbhai’s birthday.

At midnight, the kids were all awake and rang to the back room to yell, “HAPPY BIRTHDAY”. We sat around in a circle and prayed. The energy in the room was so powerful, which is not surprising when you think of the energy and love Jagatbhai gives all of us. This was our attempt to share that love with him. He lit a deevo and we went around the circle sharing a few words about Jagatbhai. As others spoke, the light of the deevo that was now behind Jagatbhai caught my eye and in that moment I found the perfect words to describe him.

Jagatbhai is a deevo. Near the flame, you receive light and warmth. From afar, you may not feel the heat of the candle, but its light brightens corners of the room far away. Similarly, those who have the opportunity to work with him, gain so much from direct interactions, but even those who don’t work with him, learn much from observing him and brief conversations.

The midnight celebration was very touching. Although some kids were half asleep or didn’t need to stay at MS, they did out of their love for Jagatbhai. The card project children really are Jagatbhai’s children, the love that they all share for each other is very moving.

After the midnight celebration, I had the opportunity to watch Jagatbhai in action, something that is always very rewarding. He was talking to the Seva Café staff about things that he thought needed to improved upon, etc. In a friend and fatherly way, he was trying to awaken an internal desire to change within the staff. Jagatbhai has a way with talking. He doesn’t say much a lotof times, silently observing and accurately perceiving many things around him. When he speaks to you about improvements, he speaks to you as a friend and fatherly figure, with only your interests at heart. Even though he was talking to me, I learned from observing this conversation. At one point, he mentioned how Jayeshmama had once told him to become a zero, ie. disappear from the limelight, and so he did. I took this to heart and in those words, realized that I too needed to become a zero. I am an attention seeker, I needed to disappear behind the curtains, working silently with a pure heart.

After a very late night, I was woken by the sound of by cell phone. It was Anjali.

“Hi Heena, sorry I didn’t call you last night, I thought we were going on the walk in the evening, but we’re doing it now. Raghu just woke me up to get ready. I’ll call you when we are leaving, ya.”

So we were up. After brushing and changing, we waited for Anjali’s call before departing. As we walked towards Subhash Bridge, Ellie and I were fairly silent. As we neared the circle, I wondered in my mind whether or not we would meet up with Jayeshmama et all. As soon as we got to the circle, we saw the four of them crossing the street. There was no need to pull out the cell phone.

We walked in silence. It was dark as we went around the circle, by the time we were halfway across the bridge, the city was alit. In the morning light, we stopped at the Swaminarayan Mandir on the other side and said a silent prayer.

We walked in silence. Without even being aware of it, the Sarve Dharma prathna was being recited in my head, over and over again. There were no other thoughts, just Aum Tat Sat Shree Narayana Tu. Out of the silence came the sound of faith and devotion, it couldn’t have been more right.

The city was awakening as we walked into the old city. Up ahead, I saw a flower vendor, with garlands of marigolds hanging from a string. My heart told me to get some. I remembered the flowers Nirali had on her desk and how she gives them to women on the street. I bought a garland, breaking silence to ask for flowers and gave a few to each walking with me.

We rounded a corner and saw a fight. An 8 year old girl was hitting and shouting at her 3 year old brother. The shouts could be heard all around. Mama and mami almost passed the children, when they turned back to Anjali to approach them. Anjali and I were already on our way. I went to the girl as she was picking up a stone to throw at the boy. Without a word, I gave her the flowers I had in my hand. She looked down at her hands, now filled with orange marigolds, before looking at me, calm and silent. Her brother were running into the streets, so she was trying to stop him. Her love for her brother had turned into a violent fight. Both siblings had released their hot air and were at peace. The sister lovingly took the brother under her arm as we walked away.

We walked by a Muslim basti where families were awaken to the new day. A 12 year old girl stood outside her home, holding her little brother on her hip. Something drew me to this girl, so I placed some flowers in her hand and continued on my way.

Aum tat sat shree narayana tu. The words continued in my mind. In the hands of a woman in the middle of an argument with a growing crowd of people, a small street side temple being cleaned with such love by a boy, to a woman living on the footpath with her family, a rickshaw parked outside a home awaiting a new day of operation. These were the places where more flowers were left.

I saw a woman approaching me and considered giving flowers to her. I hesitated then did. The woman obstinately said no. I had just taken new flowers out and had not walked very far with them, nor had the prathna being gong through my mind after these flowers were taken. It made perfect sense that the woman said no.

The sun was low in the sky, deep orange with a yellow glow rising above the city giving start to a new day. The sunrise was beautiful. I remembered a story and stared at the sun for 20 seconds that day.

We did prathna and sat in silence to pay tribute to someone we all respected. The walk was the perfect way to start the day.

The silence was needed. The mind was wandering and the silence was exactly what had been, without my knowledge, prescribed. As we came back from Jagatbhai’s home, I expressed this sentiment to Ellie and she told me how Sonia had just told her the previous night that I needed to spend a day in silence.

The signals were all there, I decided to spend the rest of the day in silence.

Anarben's story- part 4 of 4

2006-10-14T17:54:00.001+05:30

Many people feel that if you do seva, you’ll have satisfaction. I’ve been doing seva for over 13 years now. Even after doing seva for 8-9 years, I did not feel satisfied. I can’t change the world. I began to sink into depression. Even after all these years of doing seva, I hadn’t seen any results. I began to wonder what the point was for doing all this. I was ready to stop doing seva. I began to cut down heavily on the activities I was involved in. I was doing the bare minimum. I began to go to the field less because I was doing administrative work. I was ready to leave the world of seva. Then I went to Vipassana and I got a new life. After the first three days, for the first time in my life, I got to spend time with myself and my thoughts. My perspective on my life began to change dramatically. I began to learn how to work with people and realize who I am. I began to see the relationship between myself and my environment. I often get angry with people because of things they do. Through Vipassana, I began to understand my role in my environment and how much the things around me are related to the way I think and act. More importantly, I made the connection between service (seva) and spirituality. I was missing out on the spirituality side, which is why I was not satisfied by doing seva. Both are needed.

I’ll tell you one more story, this happened after we left Vipassana. Jayesh had to go to the bathroom on the way home, so we stopped a place that had toilets. Now Jayesh always notices the cleanliness of bathrooms. When he went to the toilet, a woman was inside cleaning. Instead of disrupting her, he simply observed her because there was something about the way she was working that caught his eye. The woman was doing her work with immense love and devotion. When the woman noticed Jayesh, she came out so he could use the facilities. Inside, Jayesh notice how impeccably clean the toilet was. Every corner was spotless. Immediately, Jayesh had the desire to do something to appreciate this woman’s work, so he took some money from his pocket and went up to the woman.

“Sister, you are doing this work with such love and devotion. The toilets are so clean.”
“It’s my duty, of course I will do it well.”
“But the love and dedication you do it with is truly incredible. I really appreciate the work you are doing and want to give you this money to show that appreciation.”

But the woman would not accept the money. Jayesh came back to me and told me the story. So I took the money and went to talk to the woman myself.

“Sister, please take this money. You are doing a great job and it’s simply a token of our appreciation.”
“I cannot take this money.”
“What does your husband do?”
“He cleans a school nearby.” (which meant he didn’t earn much either).
“How many children do you have?”
“3.”
“I’m sure you have a need for money.”
“Everyone has a need for money, but the money we get, we earn from our own hard work.”
“This money is in appreciation for the work you do and it’s coming from your brother, so you can take it.”
“No sister, my boss pays me for the work I do and that is enough.”

And she wouldn’t take the money. The values this woman embodied left me in awe.

As we left, I turned back to ask the woman her name.
“Lakshmi,” she replied.
Lakshmi. I smiled.

Lakshmi is the name of the Goddess of Wealth. God himself had manifested himself to teach us a lesson. From Vipassana and our encounter with Lakshmi, I learned that in every moment God is teaching us something, but our perspective prevents us from seeing these lessons.

And with that her talk concluded. Over the span of an hour and half, Anarmami had given us all immense insight into her life and what it meant to do seva. It’s not a glamourous life, its not an easy life, but it is one that connects you with humanity and with God. Her story was exactly what I and the other NRI volunteers listening needed to here. The humility and love with which she shared her life and parts of herself left us speechless.

As I embark on this path of seva, she brought home the realities of this work. I’ve been blessed to be able to live with this person, to learn from her and her experiences. As I listened to her speak, I bowed down to the spirit within her and energy and space that connects us together. I originally had planned to stay in Ahmedabad only for a few weeks, but I can’t leave this space now. There is so much to learn and experience and where else would I find such people, under whose guidance and example, I can truly learn what it means to serve.

Anarben's story- part 3

2006-10-14T17:54:00.000+05:30

I’ll share another story with you. A short while back, I had gone to the tekra for a mothers’ meeting. At the meeting, I spoke to the woman about women’s issues, the support that is available, etc. At the end of my talk, the women began to share their stories. One woman’s story reduced us all to tears. She was a victim of immense sexual abuse by her husband. Her situation was horrific. Her husband harassed her at work and at home. Her husband derived pleasure from her suffering, screams and agony. As I listened to her speak, I was thinking of ways to help this woman. I spent a good half hour to hour talking to her, trying to make her see that her situation was unacceptable and that alternatives were available. After calmly listening to me give possible solutions, the woman told me she could not leave and would endure what was written in her fate. I didn’t know how to respond. She continued by saying that she felt much better just talking to me. Now she felt like there was someone to listen to her and give her moral support and that was all she needed. She asked if she could come back and talk to me and of course the answer was yes. The woman didn’t come back, her family actually ended up moving out of the tekra soon after, but our encounter taught me a lot. There are so many times where we feel like people need material things- food, clothing, money, etc- but so many times all people want is a hand to hold and a ear to listen. My presence and support gave the woman strength. It’s not always about the material things- the greatest gift we can give is ourselves and our time.
Seva work is a rosy and perfect lifestyle. There are many challenges. Many people believe that Jayesh and I are the perfect couple with no martial problems, but no relationship is perfect. We too have gone through our ups and downs. There have been times when things have been very difficult and we needed to live with one another. It’s taken a lot of work on both of our parts. Jayesh and I are very different. Jayesh doesn’t like to wear fancy clothes or go to movies, etc while I do. We began to look at what we liked and didn’t like in one another and then began to change. We began to adjust ourselves to suit the other person. For example, this means that Jayesh will wear clothes that I buy him that aren’t jabho-leghnos. Our awareness of each other’s likes and dislikes grew and we adjusted ourselves accordingly to make each other happy. It’s takes a lot of effort, but when you love someone, you’ll go that extra mile. We love each other deeply and thus were willing to change for other. You all met Jayesh, you know he talks a lot. I’ve often told him that. I personally am more introverted. Now when Jayesh goes to give a talk, he might talk for an hour, an hour and half. When we leave, he’ll turn to me and say, “I spoke a little too much, didn’t I?” Today, we have passed through some of the more challenging times, but the process is ongoing. We are continually adjusting ourselves to the other.

Anarben's story- part 2

2006-10-14T17:52:00.000+05:30

I have learned that if I want to do something for the community, I need to change my habits.

I have learned and grown not necessarily from seva work itself, but from the people. And its not just the communities and people that I am working to serve, but volunteers also. One big thing to learn from NRI volunteers is openness. For example, a few years back, two Indicorps fellows were working at Manav Sadhna. Anjali and Bindi had prepared a survey form for the tekra and were discussing it with each other. They didn’t notice me behind, when one of them said, “If we show this to Anarben, she’s only going to find faults in it.”

For a second, I was hurt, but then I began to think. Instead of taking it as an insult, this was an opportunity to look at myself. If this was the perception they have of me, I need to change. So in that instance, I resolved not to say anything negative about that form and ultimately, I even helped them do some of the surveying using the exact form they created. From them, I became aware of the fact that I did not show my appreciation or gratitude and have made more of an effort to do so.

The community has also taught me many lessons. I’ll give you an example from a walk that Jayesh and I participated in along the Narmada. One evening, we were told to find our own food. If we couldn’t find food, we’d have to go hungry. Jayesh and I decided that we were going to eat with the poorest family we could find. So we set out on our search. Along the way, we found a family sitting under a tree. They were cutting wood. The family was from out of town, had no home and was very poor. We began to play with the kids, made them a tire swing off the tree and became friends with them. Through the kids, we were able to connect to the family. We told the family that we would eat with them that evening and they were absolutely thrilled. We set a time to come back and went on exploring.

In the evening, we set out to meet the family. We bought some vegetables, etc thinking that we would all cook and then eat together. Since the family was poor, we expected that they would be a shak made of potatoes and onions, so we bought greens. When we came back to the tree, we couldn’t believe our eyes. The family had beautifully cleaned an area, lined the edge with branches and logs and prepared it for our dinner. The food was already cooked and the shak was made of green vegetables! Jayesh and I could barely eat because we had tears in our eyes.

As we ate with them, I couldn’t help but think about how middle class society, myself included, feed people. The entire evening was so full of love and the family had put their heart into the food. When people come over to eat, do we feed them with love? If someone well-to-do is coming over, we prepare a lavish meal with a variety of dishes, but what if the person coming to eat is poor? Had I ever fed anyone with so much love??

From that day, I resolved to feed every person who came into my house with love. Rich or poor, I was not going to see a difference. Since then, we have fed countless people. They are always people coming and going in our home now, even when we are not there, people come and eat in our home.

"Every moment God is teaching us a lesson, but we have to keep our eyes and heart open to see them"

2006-10-14T17:51:00.000+05:30

Anarben's story- Part 1

"Mami, it's time for my nap," I said jokingly as we headed to the talk she was going to give on her life story.

I had no idea what to expect. I've been living with Jayeshbhai and Anarben for 5 weeks now. I have a sense of who they are in the present moment, but next to no idea what they have passed through to become who they are. I've heard hints that its been a turmultuous ride, but no details. I didn't know what to expect.

We all sat on the ground in a circle and began the session with two minutes of silence. Then she began. As soon as she started talking, even though she spoke in Hindi and many did not understand her, a calm magic prevaded the atmosphere. Her clear voice was full of a strength that one could only have after going through challenges.

I've been asked to share my life story. I'll tell you about how I got involved in seva work and some powerful experiences on this journey. Growing up, every vacation, we would go to my mama's house in the village. Where we would pass the days laughing and playing, we would have so much fun. Then 8th standard came to a close and instead of going to our mama's house, my mother had other plans for us. My mother used to be a teacher. A strict teacher and a strict mother. That summer, we were each to tutor 2 kids. We had to pick who the kids would be. If we didn't do this, she wouldn't pay our school fees for the following year.

What kind of mother was she? I couldn't believe my mother was like this, but I had to oblige. Where would I find students? There was a slum near my home and my ayai lived there. So I decided to teach my ayai's kids. But the slum was filthy. How could I teach in such an environment? People also doubted the effectiveness of my teaching since I was only in the 8th standard, so the environment was not conducive to my objectives. So I went to a temple nearby and created a space to work in using cow dung and I began my tuition classes.

Every summer after that, even in college, I continued to tutor during vacations.

My mother was well-known in our area because she was a teacher and my father was in politics, so everyone knew who he was. Everywhere I went, I was known as their daughter and not Anar Patel. But in the slums that wasn't the case. In the slums, everyone knew me as Didi. I was no one's daughter, but rather an entity of my own and I enjoyed that recognition. So be it out of selfish desires and ego, my interest in seva grew.

I was the youngest child in my family and fit the stereotype of the youngest child. I was spoiled and somewhat of a brat. I had a short-temper- my anger came and went in a matter of seconds- and always got what I wanted. I didn't have the discpline or dedication to follow through on anything. I was always starting things, but nothing was ever completed. I took a lot of things for granted- it was my parents' duty to give me things- I didn't appreciate all that they gave me. If my parents gave me a watch, it was because they were my parents and are supposed to give me a watch. I was spoiled and no one said a whole lot to me. One example is the way I ate. No matter what I was eating, I ALWAYS left the last bite. I could never bring myself to eat the last bite of food in my plate, so every meal, some food was wasted.

I was blessed to be married into a family is doing social work. God brought me and Jayesh together. The first seva activity I did after marriage was to help paint the ashramshala in the Gandhi Ashram. Here we would work all day with the kids and eat with them in the evening. To all the kids, I was Didi. When we sat down to eat, of course out of love, they gave me more food than needed and keeping with my habit, I ate until one bite remained. As that one bite sat on my plate, I looked around to the kids eating with us. The ashramshala has a rule that your plate must be completely cleaned, no morsel of food should be left and indeed all their plates were cleared of food. I was a role model to these children and here I was unable to eat the last bite. I drew inspiration from the children and put the last morsel into my mouth. For the first time in my life, no food was wasted from my plate. After that meal, everytime I sit to each and feel the urge to leave the last bite, I remember their plates and my plate too is cleared.

[10-13] Today Ekta Called

2006-10-14T16:41:00.000+05:30

Today Ekta called. When I hung up the phone I was crying. It was the first non-family phone call that I received since I arrived in India.
.
The tears were not of sadness, but as the tears fell, I remembered North America. I remembered my friends and everyone I left to come to India. I’ve been trying to talk to my sister for a few days now and thinking of little cousins. Even though I missed them in that moment, I knew I didn’t want to leave India. I love it here, so then why did I miss home.

I want my friends to be here, to experience what I am experience. But, if they share this experience with me, would I be getting the same experience. So much of what is happening, the changes I am undergoing are because I am by myself. So what is it that I want.

Why do I want to share this journey?
The answer was pretty clear-
because it is so hard,
because I want someone to walk with me.

But the path that is mine is not that of someone else.

I need to do this alone.

The path is hard. There is so much to consider, so many small changes that I would like to and am making. The effect of all this effort is taking a toll. But the sweat, the frustration and everything else that is arising is apart of the progress. Purification by fire.

I want friends and family around…. Do I really?
That’s the easy way out.

This path is my own and I alone can forge a path of peace, focus and silence in the clamor of thoughts and ideas through my mind.

My mind, my thoughts, my behaviour, my actions
These are all my own.
When the path involves altering this, focusing these, purifying these
Who else can walk the path, but me.

This is to be done alone.

Ultimately, it is me. I have the support of so many across the globe. The comfort zone has been released, so why desire a new safety net when the leap of faith has been taken?

This path is a struggle, but it’s one that I have chosen for my own.

Thank you for sending your love, your support and positive energy as I move from the head to the heart and dedicate myself to the path of self discovery and selfless service.