Saturday, August 26, 2006

[08-19] Walking amidst experiences

The darkness rustles in a new picture and fills the heart with a new life. As I walk amidst the families, spending a few moments here and there, talking to the children, simply placing my hand on their head, my heart is really filled with love. I do no feel pity, I am filled with sympathy and love. I feel that people are also more responsive to me. In that moment, I was filled with love and wanted to ease their pain with a stroke of my hand. I came up to some children lying on bed. After sitting down with them, we exchanged a few words and then felt silent. One little girl stood with me and as I wrapped my arms around her and there was no need for words. We simply sat.

I don’t know what magic the darkness brought. Maybe it was the fact that there was overall calm in the center, which contrasted sharply with the chaos and noise on the street and flooded areas, or maybe it was the fact that people were able to and were eating until they were full. Whatever the magic was, in those moments, I felt like I was truly there, and able to connect to the individuals around me.

I’m not quite sure how to describe the relief work or rather my reaction to it. I’ve seen other people in action and am amazed at the ease with which they operate and are able to interact and connect with the population. Nirali, Anchal and Anjali are beautiful examples. Here I am, not really knowing how to talk to the families/households, which has been one reason why I haven’t really tagged anyone from the clothing fund and I see Nirali doing it effortlessly. I thought I was good or at least decent at starting conversation with people, but the words have been escaping me. When I went house to house two days ago, I wanted to be “effective” on one hand, but more importantly wanted to connect to the families, I wasn’t able to. Connectivity doesn’t happen because you want it, but rather is a feeling or esaas, which would occur if I looked from my heart. But the words would not come. Maybe it’s because of the experiential overload that I’ve had over the last weeks, who knows, but I’ve feel like I’ve been desensitized to all that around me. Finally, the gates were released and I could feel again. Lesson learned: its absolutely necessary to take time to digest/internalize what I am learning and experiencing.


Guri said...

Hi Heena,

Thanks for writing and keeping all of us at the other end of the world posted about what's happening.

I appreciated this entry. It came from a certain space of deep honesty and reflection.


viral said...

heena :-)

great reflections! as i thought about your last point on digesting experiences, I realized that, for me, it basically amounts to continually listening within. and undistracted silence is a great way to do that. (interesting word, dis-tracted -- meaning to not be in control) ...

anyway, rock on! :-)