Thursday, October 05, 2006

[10-04] Space of being

A couple of weeks ago, I had this powerful conversation (as usual) with Nirali. The theme of our last conversation was “nothing matters”. It’s hard to think that nothing matters, but on some level I recognize the truth in this statement, but I can’t say I’m at a level of understanding where I recognize it to be the Truth.

How does one get to a space where nothing matters was the question. There are so many projects, so many ideas and so many things that I could be apart of here. Everyday there seems to be 5 new things I could be apart. How does one decide what to do and not to do? How does one chose the activities that one decides to participate. I didn’t come to India to do something for the sake of doing something. By physically and mentally leaving behind many constraints, I have the freedom to do what feels right and I want to make sure that I commit myself to something I feel charged up about. If I don’t dig something , the right energy is not going into the activity. No matter how noble and valuable the final outcome is, not having my heart in it is going to make most of the time I spend working on it difficult.

So do you figure out what you want to do? If nothing matters, then why not do what makes you happy, what makes you in a space of giving pure and unconditional love? If you are in this space or state, you are giving as much positive energy as possible. So taking inspiration from Nirali, I too decided I was going to try to work from such a space as much as possible.

All I can say is that it’s an incredible space to be in. My days since that conversation 3 weeks ago just seem to be going so much better. I’m trying not to stress about what I need to do because of others and doing what feels right at the moment, with the faith that in this space all that needs to happen will happen. If I’m not in that space, then its about trying to get myself in that space while doing whatever I am doing. For example, a couple of days ago, a couple of us were sitting in my house. A friend and I had to discuss a couple of things, then I had to work on another project with another friend and a third friend wanted to meet to talk about something she was working on. One thing led to another and the four of us ended up talking for a few hours about everything from the friend’s project to perspectives on life, etc. At a point, the thought crossed my mind that we should work on the sanitation project, but at the moment, the conversation we were all having was something that everyone was so present in and was gaining so much of out of that it didn’t make sense. We didn’t end up doing a whole lot on the sanitation project that day, but the work that needed to get done got done.

The days are so much more positive overall. Seeing myself from the observer’s perspective, I can see the growth that is slowly happening. Really really powerful space to be in. Space of giving pure love or atleast present.

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