Saturday, October 14, 2006

[10-13] Today Ekta Called

Today Ekta called. When I hung up the phone I was crying. It was the first non-family phone call that I received since I arrived in India.
The tears were not of sadness, but as the tears fell, I remembered North America. I remembered my friends and everyone I left to come to India. I’ve been trying to talk to my sister for a few days now and thinking of little cousins. Even though I missed them in that moment, I knew I didn’t want to leave India. I love it here, so then why did I miss home.

I want my friends to be here, to experience what I am experience. But, if they share this experience with me, would I be getting the same experience. So much of what is happening, the changes I am undergoing are because I am by myself. So what is it that I want.

Why do I want to share this journey?
The answer was pretty clear-
because it is so hard,
because I want someone to walk with me.

But the path that is mine is not that of someone else.

I need to do this alone.

The path is hard. There is so much to consider, so many small changes that I would like to and am making. The effect of all this effort is taking a toll. But the sweat, the frustration and everything else that is arising is apart of the progress. Purification by fire.

I want friends and family around…. Do I really?
That’s the easy way out.

This path is my own and I alone can forge a path of peace, focus and silence in the clamor of thoughts and ideas through my mind.

My mind, my thoughts, my behaviour, my actions
These are all my own.
When the path involves altering this, focusing these, purifying these
Who else can walk the path, but me.

This is to be done alone.

Ultimately, it is me. I have the support of so many across the globe. The comfort zone has been released, so why desire a new safety net when the leap of faith has been taken?

This path is a struggle, but it’s one that I have chosen for my own.

Thank you for sending your love, your support and positive energy as I move from the head to the heart and dedicate myself to the path of self discovery and selfless service.

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